Gender identity is a fundamental part of our self-concept, the set of all the things we believe about ourselves as individuals.
Unfortunately, there are two factors that make us suffer too much because of our relationship to gender identity. On the one hand, the fact that sexuality is a taboo subject, a bit of what we try not to talk about; and on the other hand, the long tradition of discrimination against unusual or “atypical” sexualities that exists in most cultures.
All of this means that social pressure can lead to self-esteem issues, insecurities, or even issues of guilt about one’s own sexual identity, and this is something psychologists often see when working with clients. or that they are opaque.
In this article we will see several key ideas about accepting gender identity, Which is made up of ideas about one’s sexual orientation and the gender roles expressed therein.
The process of accepting gender identity: 5 key ideas
If you think you are having trouble coming to terms with your gender identity, consider the following:
1. Sexual orientation is not chosen
This is crucial: sexual orientation, in the vast majority of cases, is not chosen. It is developed from many variables that affect the margin of our will. Just because of this, feeling guilty about having a certain gender identity makes no sense and should be understood as the consequence of a problem with interacting with the environment in which one lives (usually the responsibility lies with the groups. of “ hatred that they are against sexual diversity).
The solution is therefore to assume that the main problem is not in itself, but in a discriminating society, and that what can be done for one’s own use is to be aware of it and to anticipate the consequences. blame the messages emitted by the media, discriminatory groups, etc.. In this way, the discomfort is alleviated.
2. Reproduction does not rule life
One of the arguments most used by those who spread homophobic ideas is to stress that the only non-pathological sexuality is heterosexuality, because it is part of the designs of nature and allows reproduction through the union between l ‘man and woman.
So, homosexual people would have a problem to solve not to be able to have biological children with the people they are attracted to, and something similar would happen to bisexual and asexual people and those with very specific sexual tastes, to waste opportunities and time in options that in theory do not allow to continue with the lineage.
however, these ideas are not only very harmful socially and psychologically: they are also false. The reason is that human happiness does not depend on the possibility of having biological children, on the one hand, and there is no conception of nature, on the other hand. In fact, giving back whatever we do only makes sense if it allows us to have offspring produces unhappiness and frustration, and history shows that the evolution of species doesn’t matter. if a large part of the population has more or less children. : Species that tend to have many children may become extinct in a short time, and others with fewer children survive, depending on the context.
3. In sex, there should be no taboos
There are no tastes that are in themselves a cause of shame, as long as they do not harm anyone, Sometimes too rigid social conventions and morality they can lead us to develop frustrations that are completely avoidable. It is essential to be able to express oneself freely about the aspects that make up gender identity, even if it is to overcome shame.
4. Lack of tolerance is not a problem for the victim
Unfortunately, not all people live in contexts where it is possible to express a gender identity. In fact, in a large number of countries it can endanger one’s own physical integrity and the exercise of fundamental rights, whether through laws or unwritten rules.
It’s important to keep this in mind, but not to let the fact that others criminalize us for our gender identity make us think we’ve done something wrong. The main problem is not in itself, but in society and the cultural dynamic (or in the law) which still lags. From there, if we have a hard time feeling consistent with that idea, we can work on those specific symptoms, but without ceasing to be who we are.
5. It is possible to accept and love yourself
Finally, the most important thing when it comes to accepting sexual orientation. Everyone can love and accept themselves for who they are, whatever their tastes or preferences in the sexual or romantic field.
It is true that to achieve this, it is sometimes necessary to be assisted by psychologists offer professional help, but this does not imply that the patient is worth less or is weaker. It is simply a reflection that a deep personal transformation is sometimes needed to accept it, which is very difficult in itself and without reference to what to do.
If psychologists are helpful in these situations, it is because we have spent the time and effort in training and resolving these kinds of issues beforehand with other patients, we have this advantage. But this process only lasts a few months, and in any case, the protagonist of the self-acceptance process never ceases to be the one who seeks help; neither during nor after the psychological intervention.
- Bailey, JM; Vasey, P .; Diamond, L .; Breedlove, SM; Ugly.; Epprecht, M. (2016). Sexual orientation, controversy and science. Psychological sciences of public interest. 17 (2): pages 45 to 101.
- Rosario, M .; Schrimshaw, E .; Hunter, J .; Braun, L. (2006). Development of sexual identity among young lesbians, gays and bisexuals: consistency and evolution over time. Journal of Sex Research. 43 (1): pages 46 to 58.
- Brooks, Kelly D .; Quina, K. (2009). Gender Identity Models of Women: Differences Between Lesbians, Bisexuals, and Unlabelled Women. Journal of Homosexuality. 56 (8): pages 1030 to 1045.