Grief is defined as the reaction to the loss of a loved one, although it can also be associated with the loss of an object too important for a person, a stage of life or a particular event of existence. (Martinez, 2015).
As Rogina and Quilitch (2006) point out, when reference is made to the loss of a person, an overly complex experience is generated which generates significant repercussions at the physical, emotional, behavioral and social levelsbecause of the development of feelings linked to the absence of this person, but also of a sudden uncertainty about the future which even leads to questioning the very meaning of life.
How to get through a duel?
The ways of assimilating bereavement vary considerably depending on the life stories, experiences and personality of each, aspects that together generate a particular coping system, that is to say a unique way to react to adverse situations that result in the death of a loved one.
However, in general, there are keys that can help us improve our coping systems and our ways of assimilating dueling. While it is true that grief cannot be completely overcome, because the absence of the person will always be felt and there will always be memories of their life and the times they spent with us, it is important that if you experience a duel, you have a series of supports, approaches and options that make you feel better and better.
1. Don’t suppress the pain
It is important that you can feel and express your pain, instead of bottle it up, which is the key to accepting that the loved one is no longer there, that the loss is irreparable, that it is normal to suffer and that the expression of all your emotions are established as a crucial requirement for your progressive strengtheningaccept the facts, understand the fatality of death and, above all, value more and more his own life and that of the other people who are at his side.
2. Seek out the company of people you enjoy
It is important for you to understand that your pain and suffering have an impact on others. You therefore need the company of the people you love, because because of the enormous pain associated with mourning, the importance of the emotions it generates, it imposes itself as an experience to be shared and accompanied.
It’s normal for people who have suffered a loss like this to enjoy the company of family and friends more, as they have the emotional support that allows them to let off steam, remember things and good times spent with that person who lefthaving an interlocutor in the most difficult moments, sharing emotions and building together new possibilities of adaptation.
3. Grief is not a disease
Although grief is associated with similar manifestations to those presented in the clinical pictures of depression, such as feeling down, deep sadness, disillusionment, apathy and detachment from life, the first thing you need to understand is that grief is not a disease but a natural reaction to a painful event. You are not suffering from a disease, but on the contrary you are developing a series of adaptive reactions before the loss of someone very important to you.
This coping process is not only natural but absolutely necessary for you to be able to express your pain and move on. And since grief isn’t a disease, there’s no specific cure either, just a series of acceptance, coping, and resilience processes that can help you feel better and better.
4. Don’t give in to feelings of grief
Although it is important that you can express your emotions and experience pain as a means of coping and acceptance, it is also important that in this process you continue to develop your daily self-care activities, among which include grooming and personal care habits. outside, as well as eating, drinking well and sleeping well.
It is important that you pay attention to your body, because traumatic experiences can lead to excessive energy expenditure. That’s why you should take better care of yourself, exercise, participate in recreational activities, and try to keep a clear mind.
This is very important because in the duel various sensations are presented in an almost uncontrolled and random way that go beyond suffering and are related, for example, to guilt, anger, fear or shame. . Therefore, it is important that you take care of your health, that you continue to do the activities that you enjoy and that you distract yourself without trying to deny what happened.
5. Give yourself time to perform well in all your activities
There is no specific time when the duel ends or is overcome, because it depends on each person and each situation. In any case, it is important that you do not rush too much to resume your activities, because it is normal for your abilities and cognitive abilities to be reduced due to the emotional impact you have had.
It is important respect the rhythm of the duel, keeping in mind that there are days when you will feel better, but there are others when you will feel like you are going backwards. You can gradually integrate your normal activities, establish new coping mechanisms, and still allow yourself moments of solitude to reflect and remember this person.
In the midst of this whole process, it is important that you always remember the loved one who is gone, in the best possible way. Only you know what is the most meaningful way to honor your relationship with her, to value the life she had and the moments they shared.