Bullying, another look

When we talk about bullying as a traumatic event, we may be faced with a phenomenon that has led to more literature. in recent times from the therapeutic, social and even political spheres.

This is why we would like to approach this terrible scourge from another angle, to try another way of looking, to approach the pain and the after-effects of these people who went through the hell of harassment and / or psychological during their childhood and adolescence.

    The emotional imprint of bullying

    The translation of the English meaning of “bullying” would be something like “harassment or bullying in a school environment”. It therefore occurs at a very precise and very critical moment.At the same time, both physiological and psychological development of the adolescent’s personality.

    In early childhood the basis of the Self, the inclination, develops according to the bond that the child establishes with his guardians and that later, in adolescence, this Self will put on a “dress or another”. Based on their first relational experiences with the environment, in particular with their peers. This dress will be “the identity”. The Self will emerge from adolescence to adulthood with a “dress”, a defined identity, for better or for worse, functional or dysfunctional.

    Apparently, we are no longer in the days when if the child complained at home that he had been “beaten up at school”, the answer was almost always “it’s a kid’s thing” or at all. more “glue them too!” However, and although the symptoms are often more than obvious (depression, loneliness, anxiety, low self-esteem and above all refusal to go to school, not to mention the physiological symptoms such as headaches, stomach pains, fatigue or eating disorders) in most cases, the fact goes unnoticed both for the educational institution and for the family.

      How does the problem appear?

      As we have said, we do not want to dwell on the definition, detection and therapeutic approach of the problem, but try to put ourselves in the shoes of the child subjected to this type of harassment, contempt and abuse. ‘intimidation.

      First of all, virtually everyone, therapists included, have witnessed such experiences in our environment as children or adolescents. And as sincere, we have not always stood up for the despised, in case we are not despised ourselves.

      This group phenomenon in the development of the child’s personality and identity from childhood itself seems to be inseparable from our nature as human beings. Without forgetting, of course, that also the pursuit of social good is consubstantial with the human being. That is to say that in our development as “jos” we will differentiate, we will be valid, that is to say “good” as opposed to the invalid, the different, the clumsy. In a way, this is inevitable and there are many psychological and social experiences that prove it.

      We must therefore not be fooled and understand that the shadow of bullying lies in almost all group relations that take place in adolescence, in the transition from child to adult, in the process of shaping his personality. . The social alert is therefore essential, and the unavoidable response, before the smallest indication of harassment between equals.. “Looking the other way” is not acceptable, neither for institutions nor for families. It is very naive to assume that the problem will be solved on its own and will not leave any traces.

      On the other hand, there is a phenomenon that often goes unnoticed. In many cases the rejection begins with colleagues who until now were precisely best friends.. Nothing more terrible than reproach begins precisely with the person to whom I have opened my heart and in whom I have placed all my trust. The keeper of my most intimate secrets “turns” on me, and even takes advantage of this “knowledge of me” to further degrade the harassment of others.

      In these cases, the impact of this phenomenon on self-esteem, on the notion that the child is developing on his own, is devastating. That the popular, the “exploited” or the strong isolate me is already terrible in itself, but that the most beloved friend puts me in the spotlight does not “need” the head of the harassed, and like always trauma, of the victim, not being able to understand, not being able to rationally explain what is happening, he will eventually conclude that the weird or the bizarre is him or her, and ultimately the victim will ultimately be the culprit.

      Therapy applied to bullying

      in Vitalize we approach this complex phenomenon in all its aspects, How can it be otherwise. The wound as such, the trauma, we approach it mainly with an EMDR approach which consists in reprocessing the experience functionally by bilateral stimulation.

      But before this intervention, we prepare the person by first establishing a strong therapeutic link, reducing their anxious response based on biofeedback and neurofeedback training and providing them with mindfulness tools, through our “ mindulness ” program. therapy that allows him to regulate himself in scenarios that were previously overwhelming to him.

      Regulation through bio and / or neurofeedback, self-awareness through comprehensive care work and trauma approach with one of the most effective proven tools like EMDR is the triangle of intervention of our center, with more than promising results.

      Author: Javier Elcarte, psychologist expert in trauma.

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