Emotional void: when we’re missing something, we can’t explain it

“I have everything and I lack nothing but I feel empty inside.” It’s one of the phrases I hear the most in consultation and I’m sure the thought has been on your mind more than once.

What is the reason for this type of emotional vacuum?

“I feel empty inside”

Beyond the most basic material needs, there are many others that at any given time can cause discomfort if they are not met. This void might look like the shape of a deep black hole located in our stomach or chest. We might feel the same as when we stick our head into a well and see only darkness and are unable to see the bottom.

It is a void that becomes a very painful sensation and a great feeling of loneliness, And is that you feel that there is something that you need to feel complete, but that you may not know what it is, and that this thing is a need for affection and approval.

On the other hand, one of the most harmful aspects of this situation is the difficulty it generates in identifying the cause of the discomfort. Not knowing where to direct our efforts to improve the situation can turn that experience into something that produces despair and worry.

    Fight the emotional void

    Many people fight this void in different ways thinking that this way they will be able to finish. Some people start to exercise excessively, others increase their alcohol consumption, some people find themselves working more hours than normal at work; some are fed up with food and others start having a lot of sex, looking to find that person who can fill that emotional void they feel that another person has left.

    The latter behavior would mention the popular saying we all know that “one key takes another out.”

    What do I intend to achieve with these behaviors?

    Fill the void that I feel. It is true that these resources one takes in help temporarily control this feeling, as well as anxiety and nervousness, but what is the reality? This gap is always inside of us and if we do not work on time it can complicate our daily life.

    It must be assumed that much of the emotional void comes from poor care management. Believing that nothing that is done is meaningful comes from being too far removed from your own life, as if what is happening to us is happening in a documentary.

    What do we get from this implemented solution?

    What I do is numb that feeling when I connect with him. Imagine an inflatable mattress that has been punctured, what we do is fix it with a patch knowing that this quick fix will only last a while and then eventually that patch will peel off and we will finally have to buy ourselves another one mattress. I mean, I try to put different patches on my black hole to plug it up, but the result is that I go back to where I started.

    Psychological problems must be solved at the root, taking into account the dynamics that produce them. It is not enough to simply lead initiatives based on reflection and soul-searching.

    the causes

    The causes of emotional emptiness are generally diverse, affecting all of our expectations and beliefs at once. Maybe when you were little you didn’t have the affection you needed, or maybe you went through a lot of overwhelming fights at home or didn’t feel like your efforts and your results were validated. Or maybe you experienced a loss or an emotional connection that was important to you.

    This can lead you, now in adulthood, to have a negative self-image and a need and overreliance on care and approval by others. They can be factors that predispose me to feel so incomplete, empty, and lonely. I need the other to form the puzzle, because without him I miss the piece that completes me.

    Dissatisfaction in relationships

    In consultation I find patients dissatisfied with their relationship or perhaps with the job which has been so difficult for them to obtain, but cling to it for fear of loneliness, in the case of the relationship, or for fear of the frustration that you might feel when you realize that the job you’ve always wanted isn’t living up to your expectations. I mean, I can have a partner that I feel comfortable with and love, but maybe the relationship isn’t satisfying me and I can feel lonely and empty for it.

    This is why sometimes we are looking for what we are missing in my current relationship with another person, But without being able to break up with our partner. It is important that you take this emptiness as a wake-up call that something is wrong with you and that it is not making you feel full or achieving the emotional well-being that you desire.

    On the other hand, we must not forget that instrumentalizing personal and emotional relationships in this way does not only harm us; the same goes for the one who accompanies us. This is why giving up this kind of dynamic not only frees us from a lot of discomfort, but also benefits other people.

    Reality denial and false expectations

    What is happening? Many times we look the other way or pay attention to this gap because we don’t want to get into reality whereby we feel that way, which causes great difficulty in maintaining our emotional well-being.

    The problem is when we confuse wants with needs, which causes you this emotional discomfort. What do I mean? When you think your relationship is so precious that without it, you will never be able to be happy again. Or that if you decide to quit that job that doesn’t meet the expectations you thought you would, you will never be able to be successful.

    Therefore, I propose an exercise: set aside hardware solutions, Put on goggles and a bathing suit and dive inside, to be able to identify that this is what you are not comfortable with and that it is causing you that feeling of emptiness. Because it is in us that the key is to find our happiness.

    The aim is to reduce this gap and we can live with it without it hurting us. And you will wonder, but can’t it just go away completely? The answer is no, because everything we live in leaves an internal imprint on us, so we all have this little gap.

    It is important that you take the reins of this embarrassment so that you can regulate and manage your emotions. You don’t have to go through this on your own, you may need some help taking control and we can help. Remember: this is a courageous and responsible solution to be able to achieve your emotional well-being.

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