At some point in our lives, we’ve all challenged ourselves. We worked hard, we decided to postpone other projects to have more time and give this subject all our dedication for the end, not achieving our goals.
It couldn’t be, we lost, we failed. This feeling of failure or even anxiety can be a mere bump for some people and for others, in their opinion, a defeat rather than an addition to the list.
If you identify with the second option, I suggest some exercises and tips that you can practice to improve yours. frustration intolerance.
Daily frustrations: start to accept the situation
We can’t deny it, when we feel frustrated, the emotions and thoughts generated are very intense. Discomfort exists and we experience it as a real thing, even if we are told that it is just an illusion or that we maintain an exaggerated attitude, or that we strive for perfectionism and seem obsessive …
The feeling of frustration is not pleasant, but it is not unbearable either. With the determination that comes from this idea, we must change our attitude and our internal dialogue to check for ourselves that these little “failures” can help us to strengthen and empower ourselves. like that, the result will always be a better feeling of well-being.
Therefore, before we begin to deal with feelings of frustration, we must recognize and accept that although it may seem obvious, the world does not revolve around what we want, and therefore we have to assume that we won’t get everything we want. The best we can do is think that long-term rewards are usually more rewarding than short-term ones, so we need to moderate the desire for immediacy and find that we often settle for less precisely because of that impatience. .
Some ideas for dealing with frustration
The most important thing in a situation that generates frustration is:
Don’t get carried away by the intense emotions of this moment (Frustration, sadness, anger, rage, anger …).
Give us a few moments to take a break this will allow us to reflect and analyze the situation, so that we can look for alternatives to achieve our goal. In addition, we will find a calmer and more stable emotional state.
After understanding all of the above ideas, we can implement different techniques that help increase frustration tolerance and the ability to deal with situations in which our expectations are not being met. I offer 5 very useful and with good results. Before!
Tips for improving frustration tolerance
The goals that we are looking for using these techniques are to be aware of what we are feeling, to identify the main emotion, the type of thoughts that overwhelmed us, and finally to enter a dynamic in which we can analyze. our reactions.
1. Key phrase
It is about using meaningful self-verbalization that it will help us let go of thoughts that lead to unnecessary actions and negative moods, To replace them with others that lead us to face the situation. By using these type of “reminders” we are focusing our attention on solving the problem, not on the discomfort.
Look for phrases in your experiences that have helped you make negative situations positive, copy them onto a piece of paper, and remember them in times of crisis.
2. Give yourself time
consists of avoiding analysis or reflection until emotional cooling has occurred.
How can we do this? We can start doing enjoyable or enjoyable activities and practice them when we feel bad and ophoos. It’s not an escape, it’s a stop in time, a break for later, to respond to the demands of the moment in a more adaptive way without the frustration that limits us.
3. Technique of the 5 alternatives
A lot of times, we continue to choose to achieve our original goal, even if an apparent failure seems to block our path. Look for five alternatives to achieve a goal, weigh all of its pros and cons. There is no ideal solution, so we will look for the one with the most advantages or the one with the most bearable disadvantages.
4. Telephone technique
Analyze the situation, identify inappropriate behavior, specify what was done well and think about alternative behavior that includes the positive aspects of previous maladaptive behavior. Little by little and successively, you will arrive at an alternative “optimal” action, because with each change the mistakes made are polished.
5. Zigzag technique
It can help us improve our patience and learn to be consistent. People who are intolerant of frustration exhibit dichotomous thoughts (all or nothing, good or bad white or black, perfect or useless). This technique is intended for the person to understand that there are ups and downs and nuances in all situations..
The aim is to facilitate the goals, to divide the goals into sub-goals, and bearing in mind that sometimes it is necessary to make backhands (back) to keep moving (zigzag) towards the final goal. This way, successes are obtained in zigzag being the setbacks seen as opportunities to analyze the situation and reassess the objective. The important thing is that when we are going through a setback, we should not feel hopeless, but keep calm, patience, and persistence to keep moving closer to your goal without letting frustration get in your way.
A few final tips
Distinguish between wants and needsBecause some must be satisfied immediately and others can wait. We don’t have to be fancy people.
Pulse control and assess the consequences of our actions. For that, there is nothing better than knowing certain techniques of emotional control.
Know that often the pain or the feeling of failure has a lot of imagination. We must learn to put failures and successes into perspective, and notice that our reality is built much more slowly than ours would like.
Control the environment, avoid things, people or situations that can frustrate us, As far as possible
One last thought
When we are children, we learn to tolerate many situations that we do not like, we hear the “no” daily from our parents and teachers and little by little we develop our own tools to fight frustration and know how to manage anger and impotence. We get old and sometimes being ourselves those who set our objectives and our pressures, we lose perspective and therefore the good management of the situation.
But we can fix it, just like in our adult life, we go through without knowing a lot of things that, at the age of seven or eight, would totally frustrate us. Hands on!