A few months ago, at the height of the greatest pain I have personally experienced, I received one of those well-meaning phrases that stirred up emotions I had never felt before; “It’s good that as a thanatologist it won’t hurt you as much and you’ll get over it sooner than the rest of us.” I can still feel the echo of those words piercing my head.
Death is one of those experiences that we deal with with psychologists, thanatologists, doctors and general health professionals in an artificially developed way that calls for professionals and proxies, but does not escape not to the life experience that we have or will have at some point. in life itself, because dying is the natural consequence of being alive, and for that it is important to know how to deal with the grief caused by the death of a loved oneOr at least being able to count on the resources to get through these moments as well as possible.
The loss of a loved one not only upsets how one thinks about oneself and one’s purpose in life, but also compromises the stability of what has been built up throughout an experience accompanying the grieving processes. But What happens when the claims adjuster does not accept your losses? What happens when pain rethinks its own way of dealing with absence? What to do when the medicine does not comfort the same doctor who recommends it?
Of course, part of the treatment is asking for the same treatment. however, it will not prevent the pain of even the loss; and in his own flesh, to discover that this doesn’t necessarily prevent each of the stages of the duel, that each of those dark thoughts, and that each of these stages of anger against life appears and leaves its mark in the process.
What can be done about the need for comfort in this situation?
The most powerful tool we have to repair, rebuild, reorganize and comfort us is emotional and physical proximity to another human being. Confidence in contact, the intimacy provided by intimacy and the certainty of being heard is the most effective remedy, but not necessarily immediate, to soften the ravages of the irremediable.
If you ever have someone by your side who in some way relates to the pain of others professionally, directly or indirectly, I can tell you that you need the same heartwarming hug and feeling. interest than any other human going through. losing a loved one like anyone else, without a direct relationship to the subject in a professional manner.
If an opportunity happens to you, remember that the experience of grief does not follow the standard or generalizable experience. The experience of grieving death is unique, incomparable, and inevitable at some point in life, so relying on a loved and empathetic loved one will be the best medicine.
Endure the mourning of death
If you have the honor and opportunity to accompany someone in this process directly, professionally or otherwise, you must be open for the free expression of prejudices and emotions to fulfill their function of starting to organize the cracked interior. through trauma. And, above all, keep in mind that common sense, respect for the uniqueness of experience, as well as shared silence, although in everyday life are discarded, in these cases, are the syrup that facilitates the digestion of the most bitter of the experience. of a loss by death.
Of course, thanatological or psychotherapeutic support is desired but not essential to overcome loss through death. Go to the professional if possible, otherwise seek the company of a trusted person to accompany you through the most difficult moments of the duel. In the event that you cannot find comfort or your grief becomes more and more suffocating, you must go with a duly prepared professional to accompany you with respect, dignity and openness.
Alva Ramirez Villatoro, psychologist.