When we think about what it means to propose to be happy, it usually happens that we imagine an individual process, a path that each must walk by making their own decisions and on their own terms of what they wishes and gives meaning to his life. Lives. This has some truth; it is clear that happiness goes hand in hand with the possibility of being autonomous and of making serious decisions about what one wants to do in the short, medium and long term. However, in practice, it is not as individual an experience as it seems; how we relate to the rest of society has a big influence on it.
A clear example of this can be seen in the large number of people who believe that they cannot be happy if they fail to stay in a relationship. This type of phenomenon not only damages the mental health of many single people, but also promotes harmful relationships based on emotional dependence between those who have a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife.
So let’s see the main keys to being happy without a partner and really enjoying singleness without seeing it as just “a stage”.
Achieving happiness without being in a relationship
Let’s see a series of guidelines and advice to overcome these dynamics of self-sabotage and loss of self-esteem, to be happy without a partner.
1. Let go of the orange juice myth
The idea that we need our “other half” it is one of those beliefs which, although they are deeply rooted in our culture and very normalized, if you stop to think about them, they are totally irrational and even border on superstition, in addition to being very harmful to it. Assuming that there is someone “waiting for us” will make us see celibacy as a waste of time, a void that must be left as soon as possible and in which it is not worth focusing on anything other than to find that half orange.
It is assumed that the kind of love that binds us to someone in courtship or marriage, the bond based on a plan to live together with someone special, is an experience impossible to detach from how we feel about that person Specifically; we do not fall in love with abstract concepts or things that we have not experienced, but with flesh and blood human beings with their own peculiarities that attract us intensely.
With that in mind, and assuming that what motivates us to start and maintain a relationship is love for someone… How do you explain that many people feel very uncomfortable not having a partner? The answer is simple: what hides behind this type of dissatisfaction is not latent love, but something else. A combination of individual psychological elements and collective social dynamics that generate personal insecurities, fears, obsessive thoughts and, in general, a situation of emotional vulnerability that must be faced and managed.
2. Detect and identify the different forms of social pressure that affect you
To a large extent, the supposed need to have a partner in order to be happy is based on the expectations that, transmitted from the outside, we suppose arise within us. For example, gender roles lead many women to believe that if they reach a certain age and have not married and/or formed a family with children, they are worthless, since they have failed. in their main traditional function: reproduction and the support of men in the domestic sphere.
On the other hand, the idea of what it means to be a successful person usually includes having a big house and a family living there, and the figure of the lonely person who is forced to share his loneliness with his pets are the representation of what it means to fail along the way. But these representations of the good to be aspired to and the evil to be avoided are totally arbitrary, they only continue to exist because they are not questioned enough.
3. Take advantage of your real friends
Friendship should not be seen as a substitute for a relationship, or as a “truncated” version of what it means to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s a genuine connection between two or more people who are perfectly capable of providing many of life’s most stimulating and exciting experiences, but to enjoy it you must set aside limiting conceptions of what it means to have a friend.
Once we become aware of the irrationality and injustice of these inertias based on tradition and “what is expected” of people so that society functions in the same way, we will realize that this what we thought we needed was only a mirage, that what we thought we lacked is already within us.
4. Focus on the present…and plan for the future
Although it seems contradictory, it is perfectly possible. It’s about not being on the lookout for signs that you can quit being single in a short time; accept that your reality is that of a person without a partner and appreciate the opportunities that this way of life offers you, instead of comparing yourself to an idealized future (or to a version of you that does not exist and is very happy for the simple fact of being in a romantic relationship). If you don’t, you’ll use this tendency to fantasize as an excuse not to get involved in what you really want to do and could do in the here and now.
So, starting from the reality that you know and which is not based on fiction, establish personal and/or professional projects that make sense to youthat connect with your values and interests, instead of wondering if it will bring you closer or further from the possibility of meeting someone to start a relationship with.
On the other hand, even if you don’t have a partner, it’s important to know that in the future this person can come and it’s good to be open to that and to have an excellent predisposition to receive someone. special one added to you; ahora bien, eso debe levarte to adopt an attitude of constant expectation by keeping all your plans “frozen” in case your lifestyle or your priorities change with the arrival of that special someone.
Do you want to rely on psychological help to improve your relationships and your self-esteem?
If you want to reconcile with celibacy and no longer feel the need to have a partner no matter what, contact me.
My number is Lorena Irribarra, I am a psychologist, and I offer a training program in the management of emotions and expectations of what it means to be happy to avoid emotional dependence; all this through dynamics of self-leadership and strengthening of self-esteem, Mindfulness, and if you need it, psychological therapy to intervene more deeply in your problems.