How to deal with our own death or that of our loved ones

Although we are aware that we are born, live and die as part of the lifecycle of our existence, most people are not really prepared for this moment.

During our lifetime we focus on achieving goals, goals, objectives and we don’t stop to think about our death, In part because of the implicit belief that there is still a long way to go.

However, one day in our life we ​​may receive fateful news and be aware of the limited time we have left. So why not go ahead and devote more time to this process of personal preparation?

For this reason, whether you are in this situation or not, you will find this article very interesting. start to face death as a natural thing.

    How to face our own death?

    The fear of death is natural, when we know the time is approaching our thoughts and worries are mostly focused on knowing what we are going to lose: loved ones, experiences we have enjoyed or planned, and material possessions. .

    Irreparable worry arises for those who remain, feeling guilty for the emotions and discomfort our death will cause them. And furthermore, fear of pain, suffering, loss of faculties as a result of illness or great deterioration in old age.

    Facing your own death is a duel, it is always a loss. There are different phases, although it is important to emphasize that people are different based on our experiences, expectations, beliefs and coping skills. We can go through all the phases or some, even several times.

    1. Denial

    This is usually the first reaction, We don’t think our end is really near. We deny this reality.

    2. Ira

    situations of anger, guilt towards oneself or towards others. We believe there must be a culprit.

    3. Negotiation

    We negotiate with ourselves, we made promises believing that if we changed something we could avoid our death. For example, a healthier lifestyle.

    4. Depression

    We feel like there is nothing more we can do and have no motivation to try to follow or enjoy anything. Feelings of emptiness and hopelessness arise. We may even feel injustice because it has affected us and we wonder why we deserve it.

    5. Acceptance

    Reaching this stage is the most adaptive part of the personal grieving process. We actively enjoyed the time we had left. Professional help may be needed to reach this step.

      What can we do until we reach the end?

      We can follow some guidelines to cushion the suffering that we are going through and thus gradually approach the phase of acceptance.

      1. Identify the fear

      Realizing that this is what causes us fear and worry, we can make a list that we can use to work on these things.

      Expressing these implicit concerns will help to understand. It may be important to speak to loved ones or to a psychologist who can guide you through the process, such as Verónica Valderrama Hernández from Psychoalmeria. Identifying and expressing our fears is comforting, we live in a society where it seems taboo to talk about death.

      2. Thank our experiences

      It consists in remembering all the positive experiences of our lives and all our achieved goals.. To feel that we have lived, to give more importance to all that we have been through and less value to the things that are still pending. Live the present with intensity and do what we really love every day.

      3. Outstanding issues

      we can do a list of outstanding situations that we want to resolve: Resolving a conflict with an important person, making a will, etc. We will feel comfortable resolving these issues and our sense of guilt or responsibility for what will happen after we leave will decrease.

      4. Help others

      It is rewarding to help and share with others who are struggling with the same situation. Share our point of view or perspective and empathize with others. Groups for this topic can be very helpful.

      Finally, it is important to keep in mind that when we are dead we will not feel or suffer, there will not be all the worries that we have before that moment. Our fear is alive, and that’s what limits and subtracts us from the quality time before the end.

        Helping a loved one in the final stages of life

        After receiving the news that a loved one is in the last stage of their life, it will be up to us to face a personal duel first. Once we have dealt with this reality well through acceptance, we can help our loved one. Here are some helpful tips for this situation.

        1. His presence

        It will be important that your loved one feels close. Sometimes there is no need to speak, and it will be just as comforting to smile, cuddle, or be on the bandwagon.

        2. Talk about death

        Many people at the end of their life need to talk about death; if you are ready, it will be important to actively listen. Avoid changing the subject or minimizing it, not only will this not lessen your loved one’s discomfort, but it will also make you feel more misunderstood.

        In many cases, it is not even necessary to give answers because the terminally ill person will be able to ask questions as a reflection, just listen and think with them, they go through a process of integration and meaning when it is.

        3. Psychological care

        Your loved one may have to deal with all the fears and worries you have. Asking for professional help will be of great help.

        4. Isolation

        Sometimes the person is in the late stages he isolates himself, avoids the presence of his relatives or refuses to see them. You have to understand that it is a natural process that can occur, and not take it personally. It is a natural process geared towards disconnecting from life.

        Grief after the loss of a loved one

        After the loss of a loved one, we will begin a process necessary to be able to understand and integrate all the thoughts, emotions and feelings that we are experiencing. Finally, when we put an end to mourning, if it has been done adaptively, we will be able to give life purpose and meaningful direction. Here are some guidelines that can help you during a grieving process:

        1. Talk about your loved one

        It is comforting to talk about him with relatives or friends. To feel and remember what has been in our lives is necessary. Not speaking or trying to hide memories can take us away from reality and isolate us, Which can usually cause intense emotional distress.

        2. Acceptance of feelings

        will experience a lot of feelings like sadness, anger, exhaustion, frustration. Recognizing and naming them will make you aware of what you are going through and you will be able to accept them as something natural and necessary.

        3. Pay attention

        It will take some effort but you will need to take care of it (eat well, exercise and rest). It will also be good to take care of other parents who need it.

        4. Help others

        Share your feelings and thoughts with others who are struggling with the same situationIt is very heartwarming.

        5. Remember to be loved on important dates

        You will be able to continue to integrate memory into your life and remember your loved one with other people important.

        6. Professional help

        If you feel the situation is unbearable, you are not alone, go to a psychology professional. An adaptive duel is important to get on with our lives.

        If he goes through these situations, I can accompany him and help him. I am Verónica Valderrama Hernández from PsychalmalmeriaAs a psychologist, I will teach you to work more adaptively on fear, anxiety or guilt.

        If you or a close relative needs to cope with grief related to death, with my support, training and experience, you will be able to develop the resilience and psychological strategies necessary to alleviate negative feelings.

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