How to improve self-esteem after a breakup? 5 tips

Ruptures can be traumatic. Two people who loved each other very much can come to hate each other very deeply, pointing out the other’s faults and telling them things to regret.

Others, on the other hand, may be more peaceful, but the self-esteem of the two lovers can still be damaged. It’s not easy to pretend to feel good after sharing a lot of time with one person and not being by our side anymore. We feel incomplete.

Then we will see how to improve self-esteem after a breakup, See some tips and strategies to follow to make sure we don’t sink emotionally or have a very poor outlook on ourselves after a breakup.

    How to improve self-esteem after a breakup in the field of love?

    Separation is a disruptive situation, one of the most stressful that one can go through. When we break up, whether it’s a court or a wedding, we enter a phase where we have to readjust, Now without the company of someone we loved so much. In these situations, it often happens that the breakup is not peaceful, and before it happened there were several discussions in which the two lovers pointed out all the faults of the other, hurting him and making him feel bad. What we can say in these fights affects our self-esteem.

    It may also happen that the breakup was calmer, in which the two lovers took an adult and realistic position, considering that the breakup was inevitable and that it was best to do it in the most peaceful way possible. They both understood that each should go their own way, without getting hurt or overwhelming. However, seeing this person who has been in our lives for a while leave does not go well and arouses all kinds of unknowns, fears and fears that you will no longer be loved.

    In both types of ruptures it is normal that during the first weeks we describe ourselves in a somewhat negative wayWe compare ourselves to others to convince ourselves of how unhappy we are to be alone and inundated with despair. We are even more upset that the life plan we had planned with this person is not going to come true any more, so we lose the course of our lives a bit without knowing exactly what to do.

    All of these feelings indicate that our self-esteem is down to earth and that breaking up is to blame for it. Fortunately, there are a few tips and strategies that we can follow to get over the separation, lift our spirits, and move on.

    What to do to improve self-esteem

    Below, we’ll find out how to improve self-esteem after a breakup by following the following tips and strategies.

    1. Stop defining yourself based on our ex

    Even the most independent people do not get rid of defining themselves according to their partners. It is normal that while we are dating someone we define ourselves as “boyfriend of…” or “husband / of…”. We were people with a partner, people who made up 50% of a love affair that has influenced the way we act, speak, dress and even think.

    But now the situation has changed. This pair is broken and the person with whom we defined ourselves is no longer there, ceasing to be part of our lives and ceasing to be part of his. This is why it is better to put an end to any definition related to this person, that is to say not to define yourself as the ex or the partner of our ex-partner.

    Now we just have to be ourselves, people with their own unique qualities and lifestyle. Gone are the days when what we did and stopped doing was decided based on whether our partner liked it or not. We are now free to plan our life and we need to focus on finding what we love, making it a priority.

    Thinking about ourselves will boost our self-esteem, especially as we get used to describing ourselves as independent people. who live in the present and are not anchored in a past which, if at some point they were happy, has already passed. It’s sad to remember because we know that it will be very difficult for this person to come back to our side, but we have to rejoice because the future is not written, and now we can write it ourselves.

      2. Avoid talking about the ex

      There is an episode of “Sex in New York” in which the protagonist Carrie Bradshaw is shown talking to her friends Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda in different scenes. In each of them, he talks about Mr. Grand, his platonic love, with whom he has just broken up. She talks and talks about him, angry, a little sad, and also thinks about how hard she’s doing to get over him. Obviously, he has not overcome it and his friends, are fed up, decide to give him a touch of attention.

      This is an example of what we shouldn’t do after breaking up. Talking about our ex, whether for better or for worse, involves remembering him and the whole relationship, in addition to the reasons that caused him to end. Because of that it will be difficult for us to forget many of the loopholes that have been said in the tense discussions, In addition to being very aware that we have just been left alone and that we do not like it. So what we do is lower our self-esteem and suffer even more.

      So the best thing we can do is turn the page and stop talking about our ex. The ideal is to apply the strategy of zero contact, eliminating their number, removing them from social media and avoiding going through places where it is known that this usually happens, thus avoiding “occasional” contact. . However, the zero contact technique won’t work very well if we keep talking about him or her because it’s like “resurrecting” the ghosts of a past relationship.

      We must not make the mistake that by talking about it, we will overcome the rupture more quickly.. At first we have our right and it may even help us vent, but repeating the same story over and over, which is always our view of breaking up, is not going to help us. We should also not think that the more people we tell about the problem, the more opinions and points of view we will receive and therefore we will be able to have a more objective view of the situation. It’s a breakup, it’s not objective, it’s a love story that didn’t work out. We are not trying it again.

      3. Take care of your health and appearance

      Who hasn’t seen the next scene in a movie or series? A man or a woman has just broken up. He is sad in bed. If it’s a woman, she is usually seen in pajamas, with makeup removed or with her eye shadow running down, disheveled, eating a terrine of ice cream, chocolates and wine. In the case of the man is not much different, only he goes unshaven, shabby, with a perforated dress and prefers to stick some sort of something salty, usually pizza, although the combo of mixed ice cream to beer can also be.

      It is perfectly normal to feel and behave this way after a breakup. We can spend a few days isolating ourselves from the world, not taking care of ourselves, and just trying to encourage ourselves by resting and eating. However, over the weeks, this “funny” and pathetic scene becomes is a clear example of a depressed person, Who is struggling to recover and needs help. For this reason, and as a preventive measure, it is essential to take care of our physical and mental health.

      Health and self-esteem are closely linked. Neglect of body and soul makes us feel worse, that we cannot see ourselves in the mirror or want to relate to other people, which is very problematic because the social sphere plays a very important role in our self-esteem, encouraging and positively valuing ourselves. It’s no secret that the way others like us influences our personal satisfaction.

      Since ruptures are situations that can involve a lot of stress taking care of your mental health is more important than ever, including going to a psychologist. Also, if it happened that when we broke up with our partner, we did not go to certain appointments with our doctor, this is the best time to go.

      We need to exercise and watch our eating habits, in order to make sure that we are leading a healthy lifestyle. We are what we eat and therefore we should not eat unhealthy foods that will adversely affect our physical and psychological health. Exercise is essential to protect against problems associated with a sedentary lifestyle, such as obesity and diabetes.

      Physical activity will help us feel better about ourselves since, while exercise does not cure depression, it acts as a protective factor and gives us a sense of well-being by releasing hormones like serotonin, endorphins and dopamine which are like a neurochemical dose of happiness, of pleasure and satisfaction. Sports will give us a good physique and if body image is not everything in this life, it certainly helps to have very good self-esteem.

      We also need to take care of our appearance. Although we do not go out, it is essential that we spend a few minutes a day taking care of our personal image. We have to shave, take a shower, put on makeup, comb our hair, put on creams and take care of the many shapes that exist so that we love the image we see in the mirror and, therefore, our self-esteem. is increased. . Self-esteem depends on how others see us and also how we see and love ourselves.

      4. Less virtual life and more real life

      Social media is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, they involve certain benefits, such as meeting new people, being in touch with our relatives and friends, and knowing what is going on in the world. On the other hand, they have the disadvantage of being very addictive, making us waste a lot of time and especially run the risk of seeing the profile of our ex, of remembering the time we were with him in addition to imagining what ‘we would if we appeared in his last post.

      The idea is not to give up especially on social networks but to restrict their use. Ideally, stop using them for a while and only use instant messaging services or phone calls to stay with your friends, family and friends. This way, we will avoid seeing our ex’s profile, compare to their new partner in case they have it, and lower our self-esteem because of it. It is also advisable to remove it from your friends list.

      Our self-esteem will benefit if we have less virtual life and more real life.. We try to focus on new activities by finding out what we think we might like and what we didn’t do when dating out of fear of not liking or because we didn’t have time. It’s time to try a new sport, to walk, to paint, to read, to go out with friends … There are endless possibilities and all of them can help us expand our self-image and improve our esteem. self.

      5. Connect with ourselves

      Now that we’ve broken up it’s hard to avoid seeing it because we’ve lost part of our lives because it’s actually like that. Someone who we had probably planned to spend the rest of our lives with went by our side. We can change the situation and see it because we have put on a big weight and we can connect with ourselves: We are attentive to what we want, listen to our wishes and respond to our personal needs.

      Now is the time to start people projects that we weren’t able to start because the “couple” project caught our attention. We can take a notebook and write down the goals we’ve always wanted to achieve, assess the likelihood of achieving them, and encourage a friend or someone you trust to help us achieve them. Whether it’s writing a book, getting in shape, learning a language or anything else, the process and its acquisition will improve our self-esteem by making us see that we are people capable of many things.

      Connecting with ourselves involves not only finding out what we want, but also knowing who we are. A very useful exercise at this point is to take a piece of paper and write down 5 positive and 5 negative characteristics of ourselves. The idea of ​​this exercise is to improve our self-esteem by seeing the positives that we have, but without denying that, like everyone else, we have negatives that we can work on to be better people.

      Bibliographical references:

      • Aragón, RS and Cruz, RM (2014). Causes and characterization of the stages of the romantic duel. Psychological Research Act, 4 (1): p. 1329-1343.
      • Weissman, M., Markowitz, J. and Klerman, G. (2000). Complete guide to interpersonal psychotherapy. Basic books.
      • Blumer, MLC, Hertlein, KM and VandenBosch, ML (2015). Towards the development of basic pedagogical skills for technological practices of couple and family therapy. Contemporary Family Therapy: An International Review, 37 (2), 113-121. doi: 10.1007 / s10591-015-9330-1
      • Celano, M. (in press). Couple and family psychology skills for health service psychologists. A Fiese, B. (Ed.), APA Handbook of Contemporary Family Psychology. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

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