Fear is probably the emotion that conditions us the most and that it is at the root of many of our usual problems and limitations.
We have very common fears of loneliness, of losing, of taking risks, of not feeling loved, of rejection, or of suffering. Fear is also behind feelings such as guilt, insecurity, anxiety, distress, or even anger. However, the problem is not the fear … but the way you deal with and understand this fear.
Fear is a useful emotion and it is mainly used to survive. When we speak of “negative emotions” it is not really the emotion itself, but how to handle and understand this emotion. It is used to protect yourself and to be clear about your limits, and it is even common to educate children using fear as a strategy to protect them.
The problem is when fear tries to protect us from a situation that is not really dangerous and only limits your life. If you live with this kind of fear, it’s a dysfunctional fear.
What is dysfunctional fear?
When the way you understand and deal with your emotions leads you to dysfunctional fears (or anger, guilt, stress, anxiety, etc.), it means these emotions are not helping you grow, look better. get to know you and live with it better. -be, but only they limit your life.
Dysfunctional fear is at the root of the vast majority of problems. Anger is an active form of fear (when you can’t avoid what scares you, reacting with anger to try to regain control). Guilt is also a form of fear (since you fear the consequences for yourself or for your self-image). Suffering, anxiety or distress they are also forms of fear (which create a more unpleasant physiological state for you … it is the fear carried to a higher intensity).
How to overcome dysfunctional fear?
At times in our life we want to live a process of profound change because there are situations or experiences that are repeated and often unpleasant, as if we live in a circle from which we cannot escape.
This can happen to us both in personal life (family, couple, in relation to self-esteem, etc.) and in professional intrigue (in relation to initiatives, projects, with the work team, etc.). Whatever the problem, dysfunctional fear is always behind these problems.
For 10 years, as a psychologist and coach, I have been accompanying people from several different countries in very profound change processes. Sooner or later, whatever the process, people had to face certain fears to overcome them. However, the key was not to overcome these fears as if they were enemies (since they are part of you), but to understand their emotions more in depth and to know how to manage them in a more functional way.
It is not something that can be achieved in a few days (with books, lectures and other resources that are interesting but do not help to achieve real change for themselves) but in a series of weeks or months through a deep process and with the company that allows you to broaden your point of view and better understand this fear so that your emotions are on your side rather than against you.
It is actually a process of managing emotions (also called “emotional intelligence”). It is not about taking advice, but living a process of change where your emotions float and where you know how to understand and manage them. Your fears, in fact, they only give you information about you, And when you figure it out, everything that happens to you will change.
An emotional training process
I invite you to visit empoderamientohumano.com, the online personal development school that I created to support people who want to live their change process with an expert company and from home and with free schedules. At school, you’ll find a free program called Get Excited to Take the First Steps, as well as a 3-month Deep Change program.
How does a change process work to overcome fear? This personal development follows these stages:
1- Learn to understand your emotions
So find out how the managements now: at this stage it is get to know you better and answer key questions that help you deepen your emotions
2. Design an action plan to help you deal with your emotions differently.
It translates into changes in what you do, interpret and feel. From this moment, you discover the relationship between your emotions and your beliefs, your way of communicating, your personal relationships, your work or your self-esteem.
3. Manage relationships
Finally, learn a manage your emotions in a more functional way so the fear is far behind, and you internalize it in your life to make that change last forever.
In a few weeks the changes are already being felt and after 3 months the fear is still there, but it no longer dominates your life. This is the key: don’t fight your emotions, but understand them and have them by your side. Emotions are nothing more than your fellow travelers and the fundamental energy on which your behavior is based.