Some, in terms of love, prefer to stay in their comfort zone and stay in a healthy celibacy. But sometimes this vital choice is not seen so much as the fruit of a freely taken decision, but as an imposition; the world forces us not to bet on falling in love, but deep down we would like not to let go of this experience and dive deeper into it. The fear of love is something that limits our freedom.
So how do you stop being afraid of love? This is not an easy task, as these kinds of psychological issues and conflicts are based on emotions deeply rooted in preconceived beliefs both about the environment and about ourselves. However, it is possible to “train” in other ways of thinking and feeling that they serve our interests and improve our quality of life.
Stop being afraid of love: what to do?
Falling in love is one of the phenomena that mark a before and after in our lives. The torrent of emotions produced by love fills almost every facet of everyday life., To the point where recurring mental images and ideas may appear.
But, just as it happens in many other experiences, in love it also comes with certain costs. Some of these have to do with investing the time, effort, and resources required to keep a working love affair running, and therefore, it is already known in advance that this type of sacrifice will need to be addressed. . But others are probabilistic: they may or may not happen. Lovelessness is an example of the latter.
As a result, many people develop a fear of love or of falling in love, so they deny each other the opportunity to be with someone on a regular basis maintain this type of emotional bond.
But sometimes the same person can have conflicting interests. This is why the concept of fear of love has a meaning: where it appears, what happens is not that after reasoning we conclude that the start of a relationship does not compensate given the objective situation in which is lived, but, whatever the time and the context, he fears the possibility of falling in love or experiencing love with another person, It doesn’t matter what it is.
Below, we’ll go through a series of tips on how to stop being afraid of love, in steps that you should try to adapt to each case.
1. Make what you fear
A fear can be broken down into a series of more concrete experiences or consequences that we really want to avoid. To start to stop being afraid of love you gotta try be very aware of the real causes of this phenomenon.
To do this, you must go through a first step of self-discovery. In this case, it is necessary to analyze what are the predictions and mental images that we associate with what would happen if we did not let go of love, and write them down in a document that we will only use ourselves and do not have to share with anyone.
Once that is done, try to group these fears according to their compliance with these criteria.
- Does it have to do with your self-esteem or your concept of yourself?
- Does this have to do with the fear of losing that person?
- Does it have to do with what they are going to say?
- Does it have to do with sex?
Once you’ve done that, you’ll already have a directory or “map” of the problem. It is possible that one of the above categories is much more suitable than the others in our case, or at most two. With this we will already know where to direct our efforts: If you think the problem is sexual, it will be better to undergo therapy with sex therapists; if the problem is what they say, the problem will be based on your relationship with the people around you or how you interpret those relationships.
Next, we’ll focus on those cases where fear of love stems from issues with self-esteem, self-concept, or fear of loss, which are the most common.
2. Review your idea of love
It is very possible that, although it seems paradoxical, you have idealized the experience of love. The image that other couples give is generally positive, Because through social pressure they try not to show their imperfections, and similarly the world of cinema has struggled for years to normalize a kind of love story that fits the romantic ideal that even after going through serious problems caused by external circumstances, two lovers fit together perfectly.
So, self-esteem issues can facilitate the emergence of the thought that we are not ready to embark on a lifestyle so sublime and perfect, that only fully realized people can afford this luxury.
But this is a mistake, because most common is that there is some degree of conflict in all couples, For the simple fact that they are two individuals with different interests and points of view. None of the identical twins go their lives without a single fight, so in relationships where intimate treatment is more everyday as adults, these tensions are more likely to occur.
In this sense, to solve this problem, we need to change our beliefs both about romantic relationships and about who we are and what we are capable of. Relationships, after all, only require very basic, intuition-driven ingredients: empathy, love, and a willingness to strive to live well with the other person and learn all of the daily routines. for it.
3. Put past experiences into perspective
It is very common that the fact of having had bad romantic experiences generates a refusal to fall in love. When this happens, starting to feel these emotions for someone is seen as a problem that makes us obsessive because there is no clear way to stop the feelings from continuing, unless you try to avoid that person, Completely altering our quality of life and giving reasons for anxiety and a certain paranoia to appear if we find it.
But it must be clear that the problems that have taken place in previous disaffections are not the very “essence” of love, but problems arising in a relational dynamic. Each relationship is to some extent a unique thing, and if one ex-boyfriend has caused problems, that doesn’t mean the next has to go through the same. Sometimes we forget that life is not long enough to get a realistic picture of what romantic relationships are like with most people.
4. Realize that giving up is also a cost
Losing someone you love comes at a cost, but so does avoiding giving love a chance to escape those experiences. Even if you don’t have key moments, the discomfort caused by this resignation stretches over time, And it’s something you pay for every day. Stopping the self-imposed love ban on yourself brings instant triumph, even if at the moment there is no one to love and start a relationship.
5. If you need it, consult psychologists
If the problem is so severe that it is a constant concern, consider seeing a psychologist. Great progress can be made with therapy to have a person who, from a professional and profoundly distant point of view, can help us to “form” a new philosophy of life.