“I need to talk to someone” is a recurring idea that arises in the minds of those who feel bad emotionally, either because of a psychological disorder of biological causes (like endogenous depression) or because of painful events in their life, like a divorce, an episode of sexual harassment, or a feeling of loneliness.
The truth is, it’s okay to want to express how we feel when psychological pain drains our quality of life. On the one hand, having someone to talk to helps sort through our ideas, the thought system from which we perceive and analyze what’s going on. On the other hand, feeling someone’s support and empathy is often something we need to get over this situation and move on.
In this article we will see some key ideas useful for when we feel that need to talk to someone to listen to what we have been through and what we are feeling, an experience more common than it seems and capable of reaching anyone. Sometimes the help of psychologists will be necessary, and sometimes it will be enough with friends, partner or family.
Possible solutions to “I need to talk to someone”
That you feel like you have to tell someone how you feel is no coincidence. One of the most important aspects of overcoming bad times is understanding the meaning of what causes us discomfort, and this is often a very difficult thing to do on our own, without help.
Especially since sadness, melancholy or anxiety often does not allow you to think well, or to do it in a sustained and systematized way, which is necessary to reach coherent conclusions.
Now … what should we do about this “I need to talk to someone about this happening to me” feeling? Here are a few tips.
1. Don’t cling to prejudices about others
The moment we open up to show our vulnerabilities and express how the discomfort we feel works through different codes of behavior to what happens most of the time in social relationships. Maybe everyone is generally trying to show the best version of themselves and act like they don’t have serious issues, but if you show your vulnerabilities honestly and in a context of privacy, there is a good chance that others will respond to you and fully support you in this action, And they will even be vulnerable by telling you similar experiences.
Therefore, it is not necessary to assume that the reaction to what you are about to say is indifference or mockery; this only happens in clearly damaged relationships, which you probably already know how to recognize in your day-to-day life.
Therefore, seek support from those you know who appreciate or love you, And don’t use the fear of non-acceptance as an excuse not to say what’s wrong with you and how you feel. You would be surprised how much strangers can care about your well-being.
2. Find the right context
Even if you feel very bad and have a certain urgency to speak up, it is important that you choose the right place, the right time and the right person. It’s even more of a priority to start the conversation with all your ideas crisp and properly framed (something you probably won’t get in your uncomfortable state, at least before you start the conversation).
If you don’t plan on these three key aspects, it is very likely that the first contact with someone who is there to support you will be unsightly and frustrating; for example, because there is too much ambient noise or because the other person has responsibilities and only has a few minutes.
Expressing what you are feeling is important: you deserve to take this moment seriously and plan for it as if it were a formal meeting and noted on the agenda. Otherwise, you may even have to deal with an additional problem: fears, insecurities, and prejudices about what it means to open up to others. If this happens, you will tend to want to isolate yourself more and communicate less, so you consider looking for a solution to your psychological pain.
3. Don’t try to be fully understood
The point of talking to someone about what makes you feel bad isn’t that they fully understand you. This is impossible, because each person is unique and experiences what happens to them in different ways.
What you need to look for, in addition to the empathetic connection, is precisely the plurality in the way you see things: alternative points of view that help you get a more constructive and less dramatic and defeatist perception of what you are doing. come. Remember that just because you’ve been through what hurt you doesn’t necessarily give you a more objective perspective on reality; many times the exact opposite occurs.
Find your psychologist
As we’ve seen, talking to someone about issues that make us feel bad can be a big help, but often something more is needed. Professional help given by psychologists specializing in psychotherapy and psychological counseling is a resource that helps us overcome situations of emotional pain and problems in the way we relate to the environment and to others.
In fact, there is even the possibility of going to couples therapy or family therapy, For those cases where what fails is not so much in us as in our interactions with other people from our closest social circles. Finding a psychologist means more than having someone to talk to – it gives us the opportunity to have a professional expert in human behavior to help us learn new ways of feeling, thinking and behaving in different ways. constructive. According to our interests and our values.
In other words, it is not just a process of expressing feelings, but the information that we give to the psychologist serves to help us progress through a training in which we change our habits for become better equipped to deal with problems and sources of discomfort.
Going to psychotherapy means learning the theory and practice of regulating our emotions and our decision-making in difficult situations. Plus, you don’t have to be diagnosed with an illness or disorder to go to a psychotherapy consultation: sometimes the discomfort that affects us does not match the definitions and labels used in mental health textbooks.
Now … how do you find a psychologist who can help you?
Directory of psychologists for professional help
It should be borne in mind that there are different profiles of psychologists specializing in therapy and that it is necessary to know how to choose according to their areas of specialization and their location. Fortunately, there are relatively easy ways to quickly find a psychologist to talk to and that he can offer us professional help.
Fr the Directory of psychologists of Psychology and Mind, you can access the profiles of psychotherapists who offer therapy in your city. It is currently available in several countries, and allows you to see at a glance what are the specialties and titles of each professional.
Click here to access the Spain section of the directory, here to enter the section for users residing in Mexico, and here to access the Colombia section.
- National Collaborating Center for Mental Health. Depression. (2009). The treatment and management of depression in adults (updated edition). National Clinical Practice Guideline No. 90. London: British Psychological Society and Royal College of Psychiatrists.
- Nomen Martín, L. (2007). Mourning and death. Treatment of loss. Madrid: Pyramid.