Keys to breaking the vicious circle of anger

Is anger a positive or a negative emotion? We think of all the times when anger has overwhelmed us; how we acted, probably out of control and in consequence.

Sounds easy to answer, doesn’t it? Negative, you will think. That is why we must learn to control it. But the question is delicate, because although it is hard to believe, it is both positive and negative. We usually categorize emotions on one end or the other, but the truth is, they’re all adaptive, they all exist because they perform a function. Even anger? Yes.

Related article: “How To Control Anger? 7 Keys To Managing It”

What exactly is anger?

Anger, which we can also call anger or rage for comfort, informs us that something is wrong so we can defend ourselves. How? ‘Or’ What? Raise our tension, activate it so that we can act, Either complain to a friend about how much it bothers us to be always late and never let us know, or tell our boss that he can’t ask us to have a report ready for the next day. , because we need at least a week.

What others do, ask us or demand of us, sometimes leaves us in a compromised and delicate situation in which we struggle between what is right and what we would need to do. With the examples above, many of you may have felt identified, but you probably found fault with, “If I tell my friend that he will get mad at me, maybe he better I’m late too and it’s … “or” if I tell my boss that he’ll fire me. “You’re right. And no. Let me tell you why.

Phases of anger … and how to escape their clutches

If this is the first time our friend shows up late or our boss asks us to work through the night to meet a deadline, it will bother us, but we’ll hold on, because that’s not why either. , no? But if it really bothered us, this tension does not express itself, that is to say it does not release itself.

Therefore, it accumulates. When we got home from a doggy day we were irritable and at the very least we jumped. Who hasn’t had to pay with another person for the anger we’ve been building up all day? This is the tension I’m talking about. It doesn’t go away. Just like we inflate a balloon over and over … until it finally explodes.

When anger invades our brain

When the explosion takes place we are outside of ourselves and it is precisely at this point that it is most difficult to control ourselves, because that is what we have done so far. Or at least that’s what we think we do, but drowning, ignoring, or burying our emotions doesn’t really control them. To be able to do this, we must first know and understand them.

The vicious circle of anger

In order to better understand anger, the first step is to find out what it is made of. On the one hand, we have things that bother us, be it the behaviors of others, events that happen around us that seem unfair and / or uncontrollable or worries, memories of past situations that still provoke anger, etc. To be able to identify what are our causes of anger, just answer the following question: What is it that makes me lose my thumb?

When we have a list or have thought about it at some point where we felt that way, we’ll take it to the next level: what do I think when I get angry? Maybe we are left blank, which seems like an overwhelming problem that we cannot cope with and we have thoughts in absolute terms: “I always care” “That will never change” “This is never when I need it “” I can’t trust just anyone “. This is the cognitive component, it refers to everything that goes through our mind.

Effects and consequences of temper tantrums

How do I feel in my body when I am angry? I bet no one will feel relaxed. The heart beats harder, we have trouble breathing or we hyperventilate, we tremble, our hands sweat … We are talking about the physiological component.

With these thoughts and bodily reactions, how do you usually act? Shouting, arguing, insulting, threatening, pushing, throwing objects, leaving without explanation, knocking on the door, crying, etc. It’s the behavioral component, the way I have to deal with the situation once it overwhelms me, how I release the built-up tension.

As you may have guessed, these components are not independent, But they are related and influence each other. And if I think that the situation has no solution, that they are still taking advantage of me, etc., the way I perceive reality will be distorted, because I will only realize what suits me for this? that is, how unfair people are, how badly they treat me, how angry I am … because those will be arguments that will give me reason. While the positives will go unnoticed for me.

This will increase my nervousness, my tension, as well as my bodily reactions, alerting me to what is going on. If I get to this point, I let the anger dominate me, it is sure that my behavior will be excessive, hurtful and even violent. Which will only have negative consequences. Not only family, social or professional problems, but also negative feelings towards myself.

Several keys to learning to manage these emotions

How could I act this way? How did I get to this point? Our idea of ​​ourselves and how we behave will change with new information. We may not know who we are or what we are capable of doing in a tense situation.

This is why the first step in being able to control anger is to answer the questions above, reflect on what I think, feel and how I act as a result. It is therefore important to keep in mind that it is not the behaviors of others that make us angry, but the way we react to it.

Leave a Comment