Resilience: definition and 10 habits to enhance it

Life goes on … Life always goes on, but often without feeling like anything, it took a while for us to glue ourselves back to the values ​​that hold us into the future when it is suddenly cut short.

We want to predict what’s going to happen and we put a lot of energy into establishing a stability that gives us the calm of the calm sea, but sometimes the weather changes, sometimes the waves come and other times, tsunamis appear that destroy not only what we have built but what we have cemented, I even imagined that we were excited and motivated to get up every morning. This is where we need resilience.

    Resilience: a virtue for dealing with bad gusts

    What to do when we are going through a bad time? The alternative is so simple it’s cruel, the alternative is to continue livingBecause living is also suffering, it is moving forward without desire, it is confusion, fear, anger …

    You have to give yourself permission for this step, in the end it is a logical phase of the duel.

    Society fills our life plan with a lot of premises that we have to meet in order to be happy and it also seems that if we don’t blame ourselves for choosing to be dissatisfied, as if the emotional state can be programmed and stay active. in joy mode until you decide to change it. Unfortunately, it is not the case.

    How to face a process of loss or a sad stage?

    As for how we deal with mood right now, a lot of different things are happening. Some people who believe in it and luckily their sea is calm can afford to look at other gaps, Consider that dizziness or an unexpected storm may occur or now that the sea is calm it’s a shame not to like having someone else to be with, a better job, a smaller nose …

    Others are elite athletes in this discipline, They continuously draw wave after wave, without time to enjoy the calm, they just take care of solving whatever happens without paying attention to anything and at least as long as this busy stage lasts, they don’t feel too much discomfort , which however they later notice as a physical and emotional hangover, proportional to the whirlwind she was plunged into.

    Other people tend to live with discomfortBut with the constant feeling of being responsible, it reassures them gives them the slightest sense of control, but the sea cannot be controlled as if it was my original pool, unexpectedly, without deserving it, without it. predict, a storm destroys our lives and … what should I do next?

    Learn to live differently

    This is the most complicated situation, in which the pain is so intense that everything around you fades into the background, in which any complaint about something that seems trivial to you offends and overwhelms you. In the silence of incomprehension and sadness.

    It is often said that the most bitter pains are intimate, They hurt so much that we do not want to expose ourselves to the double victimization of misunderstanding and we keep silent, feeling like an annoying noise the great difficulties that others encounter in their daily life and that yours would give too much to exchange.

    At this point you come to the conclusion that a single sentence of your own, a title of your woes, would completely minimize your problems, overwhelm you with anger and yell at you, to decide to go for silence, not to compensate. , in the end no. compensates … And this is where tools are needed to break the deadlock. The key tool is resilience, A skill that can be improved and that pushes us out of the most unfavorable situations.

    So how do we strengthen our resilience?

    The most effective way to build resilience is to adopt a series of habits and attitudesIn addition to establishing certain guidelines for self-discovery, such as the following:

    • Identify what you are going through on an emotional level.
    • identify the somatizations that reflect what you are feeling in your body.
    • Ask yourself what you would do now if you didn’t feel that way, and try to do it.
    • Make sense of every action you take.
    • Take action to improve your life in the long run, not to eliminate the discomfort you are feeling.
    • Observe your auto responder model.
    • Create an alternate list of different strategies for dealing with the discomfort.
    • Decide which ones are used to eliminate the discomfort and which to build a life that compensates.
    • Start consciously choosing every decision that is usually made on impulse.
    • Allowing mistakes to be made, accepting discomfort is the greatest learning and increases tolerance by becoming freer people.

    Learn to relativize

    One of the most important aspects of resilience is being clear that whether we like it or not, we will never be able to make fully objective assessments of reality. This fact, which philosophy has explored for hundreds of years through one of its branches (epistemology), poses this question: since we will always have to interpret what is happening to us, “what is the best way to do it?” ?

    The key to resilience is knowing that we need to avoid being dragged down by pessimism, as pessimism is also based on a series of constant inventions about what is happening to us. The fact that pessimism and sadness plunge us into discomfort does not make this reading of reality more reliable.

    Therefore, since we are doing what we are doing we will not be able to know reality in a direct way, we choose build an interpretation of our life that makes sense important to us. It is about choosing, on an equal footing, a vital story that allows us to keep moving forward.

    From this skill, which takes time and practice, will emerge resilience, which will help us empower ourselves and bring us a little closer to this happiness for which we have fought so hard.

    Bibliographical references:

    • Forés, A. and Grané, J. (2008). Resilience. Come out of adversity. Barcelona publishing platform.
    • Triglia, Adrián; Regader, Bertrand; Garcia-Allen, Jonathan. (2016). Psychologically speaking. Paidós.

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