The 16 keys to learning to manage your anger on your own

Anger is a basic emotion that can be adaptive if we know how to deal with it and put it to good use. However, if we do not modulate it properly, it can harm us both in the short term and in the long term.

To make your job easier Managing anger well, below, we will explain some habits or ways of acting that benefit regulation and facilitate it to be truly adaptive. If you want to learn more about how to deal with anger through habits, read on.

    What is anger?

    Anger is an emotion that appears in the person when they think it has happened or will have a negative consequence for their interests, which he believes could have been avoided if someone else had thought or acted differently.

    Contrary to the belief of many people, this is not just an antisocial psychological phenomenon. Yes, it has a function of adaptation to the environment, because it allows to organize and regulate the internal processes both of the mind and of the body in general; inside an increase in physiological activation appears, such as motor or cardiovascular, in relation to a feeling of anger that arises when desired goals are not met or needs are not met. In the same way, it is also adaptive because it allows to regulate and build relationships based on the balance of power with others, by expressing their discontent, their anger or their disagreement.

    In this way, it is seen as a subjectively negative emotion, because it shows anger and fury related to experiences or desires and that generate unease, but at the same time is conceived as a basic survival reaction, because it makes us feel uncomfortable. encourages taking the initiative to avoid future damage in this way.

    As for anger, three components can be differentiated, depending on which system is activated or linked. Anger, as we have already said, refers to the emotional state; Aggression would be the component linked to behavioral action; and finally, hostility is linked to the cognitive factor, to the attitude we have towards anger.

    Thus, since troubles sometimes arise if this emotional component is not well controlled, anger can affect individuals, presenting no benefits, and can only cause problems and discomfort to the person exhibiting it. It is therefore necessary to work on the habits and ways of acting that make it possible to regulate states of anger.

      Psychological keys that help regulate and manage anger in oneself

      It is essential to know the causes, which can be different, or the different phases that anger goes through in order to be able to identify it when before and to act to regulate it and avoid the possible effects. This way it will be very important to learn to do good self-control.

      Here are some habits or ways to act to help control anger and keep it from reaching harmful levels.

      1. Be aware of the first physical symptoms

      We have already mentioned that one of the main reactions of anger is physiological activation, as is the case with cardiovascular activity or increased sweating. Therefore, it is important to identify these early physical symptoms and being able to act prematurely in deciding to move away from the source of the conflict and relax again.

        2. Name the emotions we feel

        Once the first reactions have been identified, it is recommended to name what you feel, in order to find the meaning and rationalize the reaction. it allows us to take a step back and not act inappropriately and impulsively.

        Likewise, it can be beneficial to practice this skill continuously, as a habit, as it will ease the process when you are in a state of anger.

          3. Stop for a moment and think before you act

          Thinking before acting is essential and can prevent us from impulsive and negative actions that complicate the situation and do not really look like who we are. This more thoughtful form of behavior is useful in most situations in our life.; therefore, it is good to establish it as a habit of acting.

            4. Don’t stay with the anger inside, express it

            As we have seen, anger allows us to act in an adaptive and functional way because it allows us to defend our goals and our needs.

            But in order for its usefulness to be truly functional, we will first need to be aware of how we are feeling, calm down, sort out our main ideas and goals so that confidently communicate our anger and disagreements in this situationthat is, to defend our rights and interests without doing so aggressively or with hostility.

            It is important not to accumulate anger, as it will be recommended to express it, but as we have said, in an appropriate and not impulsive way.

              5. Try not to show a win / lose mentality

              Likewise, it is recommended to be empathetic and understanding with others, without showing the winning or losing dichotomy, where it is believed that in interpersonal relationships one wins, which implies that the other must lose.

              6. Change the way we refer or express what we feel

              Given the degree of activation that occurs with the feeling of anger, being able to identify it and soften it or help express it correctly is beneficial to us.

              Just as we have emphasized the need to be assertive, it is crucial to express your anger calmly and without raising your voice and without using insults or foul words.

              7. Try to be an empathetic person.

              By proposing the definition of anger, we see that one of the reasons for its occurrence is in the face of the belief that another person did not take into account or did not act in an appropriate manner for the benefit of the realization of its own goals.

              This way, before blaming the other, you have to try to put yourself in his shoes to understand why he did it or because he thinks that way.

              Therefore, it will also help us to act optimally, as we will better understand the cause of their behavior.

                8. Train attentive and active listening

                Likewise, in order to understand the reason for the other person’s behavior, it is essential to listen to them and pay attention to what they are thinking or why they are exhibiting the behavior that caused our anger and anger.

                It is essential to train good communication skills know how to correctly express what we feel and think and how to properly receive what the other is telling us.

                  9. Give yourself times of the day to reflect and be with yourself

                  Just as it is recommended to think before acting when we are in a state of anger, it is also beneficial to have our moments of reflection, reflection and to be with oneself, be more aware of who we are, what we feel, what worries us… in short, if there is something that makes us angry.

                  In this way, it will be easier to get to know each other and thus have our moments of relaxation and tranquility.

                  10. Take your time to relax and breathe

                  These practices can be done both during anger and at other times of the day to help us feel calmer. Appropriate relaxation and breathing, with short breaths and long exhales it helps us decrease our general state of activation, which as we have seen is a characteristic sign of anger and in the same way is beneficial to have our moments of disconnection.

                  Typical practices for breathing and relaxation are yoga or meditation.

                    12. Play sports

                    Exercise is a good fighter or a stress and anger reducer. It is beneficial to find the practices that we like the more in order to generate a routine, because it has been found that sport helps us to mentally disconnect and decrease muscle tension, stress and anger, allowing us later to perceive the situation with perspective to better understand it and act in a more adaptive way.

                    13. Train in the search for solutions

                    It is important not to get stuck in the problem or situation that makes us angry, so it will be essential to practice generating solutions that help us to act in the best possible way when we are feeling angry. Anger doesn’t have to be the end result, but it should be an indicator that something is wrong. to be able to act and improve our condition.

                    14. Get good rest

                    To be able to cope better with different situations or not be so frustrated or irritable proper sleep and rest is very important, sleep the necessary hours (minimum 7 in general, or 7 and a half to 8 in adolescents, young adults and people of middle age).

                      15. Don’t always be around toxic people

                      In order to prevent anger and feelings of anger, it is essential to avoid negative situations or people that we know do not bring us any good and simply do not create discomfort, thus affecting our daily life. .

                      16. If the situation is overwhelming, seek professional help.

                      As in many other situations, if you find that the techniques offered are insufficient or that the feelings of anger are out of control and are continually affecting your functionality, anytime you feel the situation is getting out of hand, it is essential that you seek professional help.

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                      With the support of psychologists, you will be able to learn to deal with your situation emotionally, and we will help you better understand the reason for your condition and how to use effective techniques and strategies to deal with it.

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