What is a childhood emotional injury?

A child’s emotional injury is emotional damage that occurs when we are children.. This emotional damage exceeds the child’s ability to integrate and make sense of what is happening to him and to process the emotions that are generated.

The emotional wound becomes incurable, does not heal, and continues to bleed into adulthood.

    What is the origin of a child’s emotional injury?

    The emotional hurt is generated by our parents, often without meanness, as they carry their own injured children and do what they can; and the school, a first environment in which we can live a very happy stage or a terrifying stage in which they can do us a lot of harm.

    On another side, children’s emotional wounds cause us to have low self-esteem, creating insecurity in the world and in the relationships we make. They cause us to develop limiting false beliefs about ourselves because we don’t deserve love, we are bad, we are not good enough, or we cannot trust others and the world.

    It also disconnects us from our natural ability to hear and feel emotions. Our emotional compass is broken, and therefore our needs arising from these emotions take a back seat.

      The 7 emotional wounds of children

      I am asking you a few questions so that you can detect if you have any of the 7 childhood injuries that I will talk about later.

      Do you feel fragile? That you don’t love yourself That you give your all for others, but find it hard to think about yourself? Do you have trouble dealing with your emotions? Do you have painful memories from the past that you’d rather not look at? Are you afraid of loving someone? Are you afraid that they will stop wanting you? Are you afraid of losing the other? Are you ashamed of exposing yourself to others? Are you afraid of being rejected?

      I must tell you that what I will tell you below is not only based on my academic background, but also on the experience I have had with all my patients. The characteristics that you will read on each injury are not unique to that injury; you may experience a feature of another injury that probably also belongs to yours. Nothing is black or white in psychology.

      1. Abandoned injury

      When we talk about this injury we are referring to a very intense fear that the other will abandon us or stop wanting us. It comes from parents who have been physically or emotionally absent or from parents who have over-protected us too much. Hence:

      • I will seek fusion and total dependence in my relationships.
      • I feel the other person’s mistakes and mistakes as mine, as well as their emotions. I find it difficult to separate and differentiate myself from the other.
      • I will be terrified of loneliness.
      • Maybe she’s a little jealous and suspicious of my partner.
      • I will get used to paying attention to all the signs that my partner may not be well with me: he didn’t write me hello as usual, it doesn’t take long to get home, he doesn’t m didn’t say what time it’s coming, talking too much with that girl or boy, and so on.
      • I’ll have to please the other.
      • I will seek control and persecution in my relationships lest the other leave me and leave me.
      • I will behave like a girl or a boy: let the other take care of me, pamper me, and advise me. Sometimes it’s the other way around, I tend to be the other’s mother or father so it’s up to me and never leaves …

      2. Injury rejection

      This comes from parents who didn’t accept us how unconditionally we are and is still linked to a stage of school bullying. From this wound we feel a very intense fear that the other will reject me as I am. Let’s look at some of the features:

      • We will seek to avoid conflict in any way, feeling bad about ourselves and with a lot of fear and a sense of helplessness.
      • We will be hypersensitive to criticism.
      • Clear disconnection with anger: we will not know how to set limits and we will tend to please everyone.
      • I try to go unnoticed, they don’t see me.

      3. Injury of humiliation

      We feel that there is a fault in ourselves. It comes from parents who ridiculed us for our way of being or our looks. Associated especially with controlling mothers, perfectionists, who give too much importance to what they are going to say, to the body and to the image. It is also often associated with bullying at school and at home by cousins ​​or siblings, that is, by peers.

      • The toxic shame of oneself as a nuclear emotion.
      • Tendency not to show flaws or weaknesses, to go strong with fake armor.
      • Impostor Syndrome: Being very intelligent, but feeling that I am never enough and that I am an inept.
      • Strive for perfection and excellence in everything I do or say.
      • Hypersensitivity to criticism.
      • Repression of parts of myself that I don’t like and that I reject / hate.
      • Cold.
      • Overcompensating in a narcissistic way, by thinking that I am the best in my job (although with others I only show humility) and in everything I do, even if then I always feel like I am not. not worth it.
      • Hyper-vigilant and alert all the time, like I need to hide something, a part of me that I don’t accept and others will see as outright fraud.
      • I tend to manage very physically to give a good image of myself, to achieve excellence and perfection.
      • Problems with food, from restraint to mooring.

      4. Treason injury

      It happens when our parents have disappointed us more than once. The signals are as follows:

      • I am suspicious of the world, of life and of everyone. I lost hope in humanity.
      • I am rigid and intolerant.
      • I get angry and personalize that you don’t want me for little details like: I’m talking to you and you don’t listen to me, you arrive 5 minutes late for our date, I’m going to tell you something and you ‘explain to someone else, you don’t remember my birthday, etc.
      • I find it hard to trust you, to give in to the bond and to let myself be loved.
      • I am constantly on the lookout for small details. Control. If I fail in a small thing, I will keep my distance and paranoia at our bond.

      5. Guilt wound

      When we tend to take responsibility for everything and everyone. He comes from families in which we have had a role to take responsibility for the hurts and emotions of our families. In experiences like this, we usually grow up like adult children, maturing prematurely. We are the best helpers and protectors with others, but we don’t know how to take care of ourselves. Tracks:

      • I am a very responsible person with what I do, my life and my studies.
      • I am very organized and determined.
      • I tend to care so much about the other person that sometimes they are overwhelmed.
      • I feel the other person’s mistakes and mistakes as mine, as well as their emotions. I find it difficult to separate myself from the other.
      • I find it hard to ask for help and talk about how I feel because I am used to taking care of others.
      • I feel guilty if I don’t take care of you. He is easily blackmailed if you put yourself in the role of victim.
      • I can’t stop helping you because otherwise I don’t feel loved.

      6. Injury of injustice

      Go on situations that we experienced in our families of origin as unjust, both among our parents and with ourselves. Mostly comes from a father who has been rigid and intolerant of his son, who looks at society from injustice and non-acceptance and gets involved in politics, economics, etc. I have this injury if:

      • I am an advocate for lost causes: I participate in NGOs, I do permanent volunteer work, protests, burn containers, I am a revolutionary, etc.
      • Very strict moral: I try to never lie and not hurt anyone. It bothers me a lot when the other person doesn’t notice me and is unfair to me.
      • I am demanding with myself and my life, my responsibilities and even my own body.

      7. Recognition injury

      To augment when we did not feel valued in our original families and / or when what we did was never enough in the eyes of others. Or, conversely, when we have been appreciated so much for what we feel that we are nothing because there is no more identity beyond. Or when our self-esteem is only linked to academics. When we had parents who were very demanding and perfectionist, who valued above all the studies and the academic part.

      It is also granted to people exercising high-level functions such as doctors, engineers, doctor-researchers, employee in an international competitive company, etc. I have this injury if:

      • I get very angry if the other person corrects me, for me it is important that everything is perfect. I can get as defensive as a fit of anger. Looks like he never makes mistakes.
      • Rigid beliefs about perfection, excellence, non-stop, no rest …
      • The emotional repression, seeing the emotions of things that are bad, makes me vulnerable and over which I have to control.
      • Tendency to develop compulsive mechanisms to release contained emotions: eating, cleaning, obsessive thoughts, excessive gym …
      • Limiting style beliefs: I don’t care, it’s never enough, I have to be perfect, I have to be able to do anything, etc.
      • Fear of failure in the academic-work domain and pathological association of self-management with failure: intense fear of postponing the delivery of a job, changing jobs if I don’t feel well, quitting, setting limits , going out on time, resting, etc.
      • Frequent bouts of anxiety and chronic stress, I always think about my next step to success and stability.
      • Impostor Syndrome: I am objectively very intelligent but I don’t think so, I feel like I’m useless and clumsy.

        How to heal each of the 7 wounds of the child?

        The first case is to realize and recognize that we have a childish emotional wound. Then you need to know that the only way to fix it is to take responsibility and not blame anyone.

        The second step is the same for everyone: cry, get angry, feel … pass the wound. Not from a rational part, but from the intestine. You can only do this with a specialist therapist.

        The third step is learn to love yourself, look at yourself, listen to yourself and prioritize yourself affection and unconditional love.

        The fourth step, and here everyone has their own journey, is to do things that you have never done to have this injury. I give you some quick tips for each injury.

        1. Abandoned injury

        Practice autonomy, learn to live with loneliness, do things alone or alone, regulate your emotions by yourself, etc.

          2. Injury rejection

          Practice presenting what you feel or think most often. Be more authentic and consistent with yourself. Let go of your fear and get angrier. Start by putting limits on the people you trust the most and then the world: defend yourself if someone skips the line at the supermarket, ask the waiter to change your plate, etc.

            3. Injury of humiliation

            Explain the parts you like least, accept them, want them and show them. Breathe in your shame as you feel it in your body, get used to it until it is gone. Explain that you can afford to be insecure and that it doesn’t mean anything bad to you. It makes you human.

            4. Treason injury

            Learn to trust them. Open up to the possibility that the other person will betray you. Release control. Slowly expose your vulnerable side. Let yourself be desired.

            5. Guilt wound

            Stop worrying. Focus on taking care of yourself. He learns to cope with anxiety when the other cannot, he becomes frustrated and collapses. You have to learn and grow. Save yourself, you are the one who needs help.

            Isaac Diaz Oliván

            Psychologist

            Verified professional

            Madrid

            Online therapy

            See profileContact

            6. Injury of injustice

            Stop complaining. Accept that the world is cruel and unfair and that you cannot change it. Free yourself from resentment and anger. It connects to what is below, which is usually pain. Allow yourself to be unfair every now and then. You are not a robot, you have feelings, and sometimes you are wrong, others feel jealousy and envy, and that’s good.

            7. Recognition injury

            Take care of yourself, spend less time at work, and devote it to yourself. Release control. To breathe. It flows. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone or test yourself. That’s enough. Love yourself like that, with your imperfections and the way you are, not what you do.

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