what is it and how to overcome it

Many people reject their own way of being and behaving without realizing it on certain occasions, so they have a high level of self-criticism, they value themselves quite poorly and they may even not support to hear their own voice on the recordings. These symptoms and many others could be the cause of a problematic psychological state.

Self-loathing or self-hatred consists of a form of extreme criticism that a person might level at themselves so that it might appear that nothing they do or say is succinctly good or adequate. However, this person would think that he is not outraged or that he does not deserve the good things that life could bring him.

In this article we will see what is self hate and how it might affect our mental health.

What is self-hatred?

Self-loathing is related to a psychological dynamic in which a person has integrated and reinforced a series of feelings related to a negative view of herselfso it will keep him from seeing and valuing all the positive traits he has and all his potential.

Moreover, self-loathing encompasses a series of ongoing feelings related to guilt and inadequacy in relation to all that one does, so it can cause people to constantly compare themselves to others, see only the negative, and ignore the positive. From then on, they will believe that they will never be good enough, while the reality is far away since each person has a value that makes them unique and potentially has the ability to cultivate self-love and what they need c is to develop the necessary tools for this

You could even say that self-loathing can stem from low self-esteem, which can stem from a variety of factors and situations. This could stem from events in childhood or adolescence (for example, having suffered a trauma or being bullied at school), which made this person think that they are worth less than the others or that she feels that there is something wrong about her and that she does not deserve affection.

On the other hand, self-loathing is also linked to various mental health issues as they could be depression or other mood disorders, certain addictions, post-traumatic stress disorder, schizophrenia spectrum disorders, borderline personality disorder, avoidant personality disorder or certain eating disorders (ED), among others. In most cases, self-loathing is usually associated with a low level of self-esteem.


Some of the most common thoughts that people usually have when they despise themselves can be: “I knew I was going to fail”, “I don’t know why I’m trying, if I’m not going to do it well “, “I’m a loser”, “lo he hecho todo mal”, etc.

These and similar examples of thoughts are quite common when a person suffers from self-loathing, being quite handicapping in various facets of one’s lifeHowever, if you can’t find a way to challenge and rethink these negative thoughts, while practicing a more positive and optimistic type of internal conversation, the associated issues and mental health are likely to worsen. If necessary, the most advisable thing would be to seek professional help.

Main signs of self-loathing

When a person misunderstands himself, there are a series of signs and behaviors that could help us detect a problem that so significantly affects the mental health and the different areas of life of those who suffer from it. Some of these signs are those that we will briefly explain below.

1. Excessive self-criticism

Excessive self-criticism is one of the clearest signs that can be observed in cases of self-mockery. When these people make a mistake, no matter how small, they regret it enormously and generally find it difficult to forgive themselves. Therefore, it is common for them to curse out loud when this has happened or for a series of negative self-directed thoughts to come to mind. They are also likely to repeatedly comment on their regrets for past mistakes before the things they did wrong or the opportunities they missed.

2. See only the negative side

In this type of case, it is common for them to always focus on the negative of things, even when they had a good day or did things well. Despite this, they will find something negative or something that did not go perfectly for them to regret. In this way, they won’t be able to stop despising themselves even on days or times when things are going well or better than usual.

3. Have a dichotomous mindset

Dichotomous thinking, also known as all-or-nothing thinking, is a way of thinking through which everything around you is viewed from extremes, so they never notice there may be a medium term and that way if they make a mistake they tend to think that everything has gone wrong and they have failed.

4. Striving to fit in with others and taking criticism very badly

It’s quite common for them to constantly try to fit in with other people or groups and it’s a big fail when they don’t succeed or things don’t go as planned. Also, criticism is usually considered personal because they don’t have the ability to adapt them properly.

On the other hand, they generally don’t accept compliments and tend to have a rather negative outlook on life. All of this makes it even more difficult for them to successfully relate to others as they would like.

Tips for dealing with self-loathing

To combat self-loathing, there are exercises that a person can practice without anyone’s help to begin to change the negative thoughts and feelings associated with it. Next, we will briefly explain some of them that are quite simple to put into practice. It should be noted that, if necessary, hay that seek help from a mental health professional.

1. Pay attention to self-loathing triggers

When trying to fight self-loathing, it would be advisable to start looking for its root in order to know its origin and thus know what may have caused all these negative feelings that have been directed towards oneself. An exercise that could help write a diary where it involves writing down each day what was done and the feelings and thoughts associated with each activity. Thus, we could begin to detect possible triggers for these negative feelings and thoughts.

Once you’ve successfully identified the triggers for these negative thoughts, you can start working on finding ways to avoid them or at least minimize them as much as possible. In cases where these triggers cannot be avoided, for whatever reason, you can look for tools that can help minimize discomfort and thus tolerate these types of situations.

2. Practice a positive internal conversation

Due to self-hatred, it is common for the internal dialogue to be quite negative throughout the day, so there will be times when there is no self-compassion. Before that, it may be useful to write down a list of the positive things one has, take advantage of times of the day or times when you feel better.

If it cooks at first, don’t worry, it takes time. You can start with things you don’t hate about your home (eg how you cook your favorite food, how you take care of your pet, etc.). Anything that comes to mind that is positive or at least not considered negative is good.

Once this list is prepared, it should be placed in a place where it is visible so that it can be read every day and that you can refer to it. refer when thoughts related to this self-loathing arise. At times like these, you need to stop, try to calm yourself down by taking a series of deep breaths, and then it’s time to recite this list of positive things about yourself out loud. It might also be useful to have this list written down on your mobile so that you can refer to it at any time.

3. Challenge and rethink your own negative thoughts related to this self-hatred

In times when it is difficult to avoid self-deprecating thoughts, you can try to have a conversation with yourself, and in this case there would be challenge this type of thinking.

To give a brief example, when thoughts like “I hate myself” come to mind, it can be helpful to ask yourself the “why” of that thought. If the answer is something like “because these clothes are bad for me” or “because he’s the one who ruined this date” or anything like that, we should resort to thoughts that challenge those conclusions that have been hastily drawn up and baseless. Then you have to say to yourself “all these reasons I gave are not really true” and then you have to reason why these thoughts are not real.

This is just a simple example and the purpose is to explain that the idea of ​​this type of exercise is to find out what is really behind all these thoughts of self-loathing and to reason what the real reasons are. of what one thinks of saying to oneself negatively towards oneself. It can help shift negative thoughts to a different perspective that is more realistic and positive.

4. Seek professional help

Finally, it should be mentioned that we are not alone and therefore there is no need to be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. We can start seeking support from someone we trust and then seek help from a mental health professional or go straight for professional support. In all cases, it is important to ask for help when you’re going through a bad time and can’t find a way to move on, because a professional can help you deal with that self-loathing and all those associated negative thoughts and feelings that are causing so much discomfort.

Leave a Comment