You may have noticed that humans are generally afraid of the unknown. This is a primitive, automatically working nerubiological effect designed to protect us from harm.
When we are faced with a situation that puts us in danger, we feel fear. Fear acts as a warning that if we know how to read, it will be useful to us, as a tool that will mobilize us to put us out of danger, by initiating the physiological defense mechanisms of fight, flight or freezing. In this way, we learn to read in the environment certain patterns which make us perceive what is everyday and normal and before which we are safe because the existing risks are not more alert since we have already learned to defend ourselves.
The opposite happens when something new emerges that is outside the model.. Faced with this novelty, not only do we not know what it is, but we do not know how to deal with it; therefore, we consider that we are facing a potential risk (emotional, physical, life and many others) and that fear arises and with this we will react in a physiological way of fight or flight.
When we don’t know a little, our first tendency is to be alert and fear arises
This way of protecting ourselves operates in all areas of our life. For example, when we are offered a new job, when a new colleague arrives, when we start a new job or a new project, when we are invited to meet new friends, when a son or daughter is born, when we travel , when we start a relationship and whenever we face challenges together, and of course, in the face of the COVID-19 pandemic situation, among many other possibilities.
I the same way it happens with our inner world, with our subjectivity. It happens to a lot of people that this causes them a lot of fear and even the refusal to look at their own inner world. Performing an EMDR psychological therapy process involves seeing, confronting the inner life, learning to look, and finding what bothers you.
The feeling of fear in promoting self-knowledge in therapy
It is hoped that fear will arise, for it is unknown. Usually no one teaches us, we won’t learn to relate to ourselves, only to the outside. They teach us that when we feel sorry we have to get there, “don’t cry”, they told us, “there is no such thing, dry your tears and come to dinner, there is no such thing. reason to be sad “. In other words, we learn to avoid our subjective activity. Or we learn to deny what happens to us, like when it happened to us: “Daddy, I have a problem, all the kids wear a green backpack and I yellow and they laugh at me … is not a problem, a problem that’s what I have at work, it will do your homework. “
As we encourage ourselves to avoid, deny and even minimize our childish needs, we should expect that it will be difficult for us adults to take care of ourselves, to understand what is happening to us, and to resolve our problems. emotional states.
There are a lot of people who don’t know each other, And I mean beyond visible qualities or behaviors, (i.e. I’m smart, I have creativity, I love to sing, it makes me angry when they lie to me or that I am sociable …). I mean look at our mind and notice what emotions arise, what we feel, what the body is correlated with, what are the thoughts, the positive and negative beliefs of me, the world, the world view.
To achieve this, you have to relate to yourself, which is already complex if it has never been done. And trying to do it is overwhelming because you don’t know how to do it; in fact, some people feel silly. And there is the “risk” that we might see something we don’t want to see, because we wouldn’t know what to do with it or tolerate, Which results in something unknown. Let us remember that we are afraid of the unknown, of what is outside the model, because it puts us out of the comfort zone.
The problem is that we are more focused on the outside, with one locus of control placed on the other, and when difficulties start to arise we always notice what the other is doing or not doing, the faults of the ‘other, “that the others don’t like me, don’t listen to me, don’t know what makes me happy”, and we give more control to other people in our lives than to ourselves. We hope that they will give us solutions or that the other will change to feel loved, and as this does not happen, the discomforts continue and start to become more obvious, overwhelming and unmanageable.
What to do?
To resolve what is happening to us, we must start to stop avoiding, denying, minimizing our inner world, our real needs for love, our emotions and our thoughts, and Start by relating to ourselves, bonding, looking at ourselves, even if we don’t like what we see. Only in this way will we understand in depth what is happening to us, the possible and varied causes, in order to find solutions and make more appropriate decisions.
This is one of the first challenges of EMDR psychological therapy, getting the person to get to know themselves, to stop avoiding, to identify and meet their personal care needs. Whoever manages to take the plunge improves his inner quality of life and consequently changes the way he throws himself in life.. Because his paradigm of how he sees society, people and relationships and how he sees himself is changing. Thoughts and emotions are regulated, so much fear, anxiety, grief is no longer felt. The negative beliefs of “Yes myself” have been adapted with conviction, with an “I am loved”, “I can do it”, “I am safe”, “I can overcome challenges”, among others, according to the case.