In movies, books, anecdotes from people who have gone through psychological therapy … in the vast majority of stories about what a psychotherapy session is, parents are mentioned and treated as part of the story.
Everyone knows the subject the psychoanalyst and the couch ask and interpret the role of mother and father in the patient’s life. This is not the usual way to work on this aspect today, but it is true that we talk about it and that we deepen it at some point in therapy.
In this article, we will look at the reasons why it is generally common to devote a portion of therapy to talking about the primary caregivers of every human being, father and mother.
Why do psychologists ask parents?
Parents are our first contact with affection. We will learn it from them, and it will be a determining factor in the quality of our future relationships, both within the family and outside, in our adult life.
Better self-esteem, better academic performance, better communication within the family, and fewer behavioral problems have been linked in several studies to affectionate and trusting affection. On the other hand, children who have less affectionate or more fearful parents tend to have lower self-esteem and feel more alienated, hostile, aggressive, or anti-social.
As parents understand it a balance in the affection shown and the situations in which it is best to maintain a position of authority this is an aspect to which it is essential to pay attention.
Rules and limits
What we consider to be right and what is wrong, what should be done and what should not be done, are also details that we learn for the first time from our parents. In childhood we usually have limits, rules and consequences that can influence throughout life.
Do you reflect with your children at the borders or do they impose themselves without justifying them? Boys and girls need boundaries, care and attention, freedom and guidance for adolescents, and peace and privacy for young adults. Adults who in childhood were listened to, discussed well, and treated with patience tend to have better mental and emotional health.
Can only parents be referents?
Although parents are the benchmark adults for most people, they are not in all cases. Teachers, coaches, siblings, social workers or psychologists they can play this role of reference, in particular for people whose parents were unable or could not take care of them. Blood ratio is not a requirement for this type of paper.
In addition, in a hyperconnected world, many new benchmarks and role models may appear, including so-called “influencers” who can condition both people and the way they live together.
In psychotherapy, it is important to know what these benchmarks have been in the person’s life. be able to delve into both present-day problems and healthy learning that can help improve the problematic situation.
How much do parenting figures influence us?
As a rule, and especially in societies surrounding the Mediterranean Sea, we want to stay close to parents in some way when we are in adulthood. Their opinion and how they make us feel can worry us throughout life..
Therefore, it is again important to find a balance in which we make sure to build a relationship with them in which this influence is positive. Knowing how well benchmarks influence a person’s adult life becomes crucial for therapy to progress and a collaborative relationship between therapist and patient can be established.
Do family patterns tend to recur when you are an adult?
Observe yourself, meditate on what you think or differ from your parents, find out what you would like to change and what you would like to repeat and keep with pleasure … If we do not ask ourselves these questions consciously, most likely we are repeating what has been learned without it being healthy or positive.