We can understand the “will” as this social construction so often designated, very similar to “Good attitude”, “work hard for something” or “make you want things”.
In recent years, there has been a lot of promotion of an attitude of positivity that sometimes goes to the extreme, reducing the chances of any business success to a simple matter of ‘making’ things happen.
Most people have no problem with their “will”
The reality is that many people with psychological problems of all kinds have perfectly normal willpower, very good attitude, etc. Executives of large companies who develop anxiety or cocaine addiction problems, mothers and fathers.
Would you say that the leaders of a large organization or of a family have little willpower? Most of us will answer: a resounding “no” in response, because in order to do what we do on a day-to-day basis you need a lot of this social construct called “will”.
so the source of the psychological problems that these people may have in their specific context does not appear to be their unwillingness.
A position of guilt
Many people who come to therapy (for almost all subjects), when asked why they think they are the source of their problems, they say that it must be their will, that they are not strong people and that they came to therapy to “learn to be stronger”..
Through socialization, many people come to therapy with postures of guilt, low self-esteem, low sense of self-efficacy.
These situations could also be explained from the perspective of the negative internal locus of control. This means that, when we determine the events, the person tends to point to himself as the main responsible for the events and their results, but especially when the events are negative, and very rarely with victories or positive results.
Explained more familiarly, the person’s internal dialogue can often be similar to things like ‘I’m weak’, ‘it’s all my fault’, ‘if I were different everything would be different’, ‘I don’t I don’t have willpower ”or“ I didn’t want to, that’s why it happened ”. But things are usually much more complex than a simple matter of “wanting”.
It’s not all about desire
Yes, motivational phrases can encourage us and make us feel good at times. In many cases, very subtly, this speech “if you want you can” can make the person think “I could not, it is because I did not want enough”. And unfortunately, it doesn’t always depend on our attitude.
Having a proactive and energetic attitude towards life helps, it can make things better in many settings, but it doesn’t always explain the bulk of success. In any situation, there will be a multitude of factors that are beyond our control.
so no matter how much “desire” we put in something, there is always the possibility that things will not turn out the way we would like them to.
It doesn’t all depend on our attitude, context matters, and sometimes there will be elements of the context that are not dependent on us to change. We can, we have to change elements of our contexts, but it will not always be our responsibility. Sometimes things go wrong.
Anyone Can Say Great Phrases, A Professional Can Do Much More
Psychologist Won’t Cut Years Of Training And Experience Repeating Motivational Phrases From Books And Social Media. If these things were enough to cause significant changes in people’s lives, the world would be very different right now.
If you have psychological problems of any kind, a competent psychologist will help you take a proactive attitude towards events, yes, but will also help you to identify those elements and factors that are beyond your control, And thus develop a realistic attitude of acceptance and optimism. Not only that, but to establish models of change adapted to the unique context of the person, taking into account the latest scientific consensus regarding human behavior.
Sometimes, despite our efforts for something, we don’t succeed. And with this attitude, the person will not so easily fall into guilt and punitive internal dialogue.
I wish it was all a matter of will. You can’t with everything. We can do everything, but not with everything.
Real psychotherapy, more than motivational phrases
If you’re going through a bad personal patch, a good psychologist can help make things better. If you think you need help visit my website luismiguelreal.es to learn more about my psychotherapy services (also online).