It’s in novels, television, movies, and even the public life of celebrities. Love seems to be one of the most and most firmly established elements in mass media culture, and every day we disseminate information about what is or should be a conventional, universally recognizable, normalized love life.
Of course, in some cases it can be heartwarming to have a ‘mold’ to drive a relationship into it with few complications and no moments of ambiguity, but it is also true that clinging without thinking about certain emotional roles can have negative consequences, Subtract the spontaneity of love life and even encourage behavioral dynamics that do not correspond to the personality and lifestyle of the lovers in question.
that’s why it is healthy to question certain conventions about love, its myths and everything that revolves around stereotypes on married life. After all, the way you understand love life may go way beyond the typical. The first step in rethinking certain things and loving philosophy? Thinking about the very concept of love can be a good way to do this, and for that you can use these ten keys.
10 thoughts on conventional love
1. One thing is love and another is habit
Sticking to certain routines in life with someone every day is not a positive thing in and of itself, nor something that will move the relationship forward. In fact, it is not uncommon for certain rituals to be performed, rather than as a way to show love or affection, such as a way to compensate for emotional crises that have not yet fully manifested or as if they were part of an obligation.
Of course, for a relationship to thrive, it needs a basis of relative stability, but this is not a guarantee of anything, but rather a necessary and not sufficient condition.
2. There is nothing wrong with the routine
The counterpart of the previous point is to note that there is no universal rule that the love life must be constantly crossed by transgression and changes in the environment. In principle, a quiet life without great contrasts is a perfectly valid breeding ground for a cohesive relationship. It all depends on individual needs.
3. Beware of idealization
Idealization is an exciting ingredient in the early stages of falling in love, but this this usually leads to deception. It is important to know if you feel love for the person or for the avatar that they represent. For that, there is nothing better than to meet this person in very varied contexts, not always in the same way and in the same place. Information is power.
4. Get rid of stereotypes about ideal couples.
Stereotypes about the ideal partner serve to make certain roles immediately recognizable in series, commercials and novels, but in love life, they are rather little useful and, moreover, they tend to cause problems.
Stereotypes exist precisely to guide us in areas in which we invest little time and the results are not of great importance, such as how we view someone who appears for the first time in a movie, but life. romance can become something much more serious than that and therefore forcing our brain to give up autopilot and take direct control of the situation.
5. Victims are not proof of love
Every time an action is taken, a decision is made, the results have potential advantages and possible disadvantages. Of course, this also serves love, and it is very possible that maintaining a romantic relationship requires effort in various areas of life.
However, we have to know how to distinguish between these small sacrifices and the root lies in the decisions we have to make as individuals that we make to stay close to the other person (and that makes sense as such. ), and others that are artificial. , created as an unjustifiable imposition by our partner or as a result of our imagination, our prejudices about love as something inevitably painful, and a good ration of magical thought.
6. The notion of symmetry should be kept in mind
Love cannot and should not be alienating, or it can become an instrument of manipulation. This second scenario may seem a bit extreme, but it’s not so much if you remember it. love has a deeply irrational component, And that many of the decisions and actions we take from it do not seem to be aimed at meeting our own easily expressed needs or at fulfilling a good that can be objectively described.
Manipulation has its raison d’être when the manipulated person does not know that he is being manipulated, and can also take the most subtle forms, even be considered as a natural thing by everyone (even by friends and acquaintances). ).
7. Collective milestones? Yes, but with communication in the middle
While it can be difficult to know what you want sometimes, knowing what meets the interests of the group formed by the people you love is the job of the titans. for that it is worth asking if these group goals are really or have been informed by a colossal set of misunderstandings, Paradoxical communication or “I thought you thought …”.
If there is something in particular that doesn’t turn you on, you had better think about how best to say it. With delicacy, but without a doubt.
8. Where is the limit of sincerity?
Sincerity is an essential part of an intimate relationship, but so is privacy.. Determining how much we want to expose ourselves to someone is critical, as is letting that person see where they are at the limit they should expect. What matters is not so much the proportion of the share shared over the private sector as the fact that the other person is the target of their existence.
9. The time border
There is, however, a lot of social pressure on how much time two loving people have to spend together. it is not impossible that love still exists in cases where one wants to spend a lot of time alone. This point also has to do with the prejudices on the love life understood as the beginning of the life of couple and the germ of a new family. Again, it is necessary to know how to distinguish between social dictates and what the body demands.
10. What does this mean for us?
perhaps this is the fundamental question when we think about loveEither as something abstract to something that we are trying to materialize in our relationship with someone specific. Giving clues as to how to deal with it is in fact limiting the scope of its implications and depriving anyone who wants to respond to it of freedom.
Pages and pages have been written in philosophy books on how to make sense of all vital projects worthy of being called as such, and that includes, of course, love treaties. After all, a romantic relationship is worth it if it makes sense to us, Although it is in a way that is difficult to express in words.
Of course, it is not necessary to devote yourself professionally to philosophy to lose the fear of this question and make people think about its fruits. And more considering that it is a private task, which must be solved with the raw material of the experiences of each one.