Relationships are made up of habits, of shared situations that strengthen the bond of love that unites two people.
This means that in some cases, some couples may end up functioning “on their own” simply because they manage to achieve a state in which these habits are already spontaneously part of daily life. But in other cases, issues and conflicts arise which can be resolved by modifying these shared routines.
If the latter topic interests you, keep reading, as we’ll give you a review of the keys for couples to work.
The main keys to the work of couples
The first thing to do is assume that you don’t have complete control over what is going on in the relationship. This is important, because it is one thing to do everything possible to make the emotional connection as strong as possible, not to take a controlling attitude towards the other person.
Therefore, all the key ideas we will see below should always be applied from consensus and constant communication, Because otherwise the situation will look not only better but worse. Let’s take a look at the tips for making relationships work.
1. Clearly explain your expectations
If it is not clear what everyone wants and expects from the relationship, it is inevitable that many conflicts will arise, some of them serious. Therefore, it is essential to communicate this honestly and directly, without leaving too much room for ambiguity.
2. Bet on assertiveness
For the relationship to work, it must be symmetrical: no one person has more power over the other. To do this, it is essential to adopt a strong communication style.
And what exactly is assertive communication? Basically in express whatever needs to be expressed, without giving in to fear of what others might think or make anger or make someone sad; and to do it with respect for the other, even if what needs to be said may be painful.
This balance strengthens marriages and courtly relationships, as none of the people involved have to bear the weight of holding onto ideas, beliefs, and feelings for what they believe to be the common good.
3. Establish commitments
Any romantic relationship, requiring sacrifices with long term goals, requires a number of commitments. Therefore, they need to be established and clarified, so that you both always keep them in mind in the same way. This avoids many marital and relationship crises that would have been easily preventable..
4. Highlight the positive
It is not healthy to ignore the positive aspects of the relationship and only talk about the negative aspects. To have a global vision of what is happening and at the same time express your love for the other, it is worth showing this satisfaction when the other does something that you love.
5. Spend time together … quality
Living in the same house does not strengthen a relationship. In fact, if there is no communication or signs of affection, it can generate animosity and indifference by the person we fall in love with.
That’s why it’s important to make an effort to spend time together, because you can find meaningful ways to talk, express affection, have connections, and have privacy.
6. Apply emotional intelligence to discussions
It’s okay to have a fight once in a while. What can be done in these cases is not to lose sight of the nature of the love affair you are going through and not to fall into an ego struggle to see who is right. Accept that we may feel frustrated and angry momentarily, but that nobody wins to attack the other.
Therefore, when you think you are too angry to think constructively in the face of conflict, stop arguing and clarify yourself. When it is all due to a communication error, first clarify what happened, give the other a chance to explain. And when the cause of the discussion is not an objective fact but a hypothesis, treat it as such.
7. Support yourself by considering your strengths and weaknesses
Finding a good match in the relationship is, among other things, knowing how we can help each other. That’s why it’s a good idea have identified the vulnerabilities of the other, offer support when these arise.
8. Count on each other for important projects
Many people wait too long to communicate important decisions to their partner. It doesn’t just create resentment; furthermore, it poses problems due to lack of coordination.
9. Respect everyone’s space
Everything does not have to be shared. It is very common to need time to be alone, without the company of the other, to think, create or process emotions. Therefore, these moments of introspection must be respected.
10. Accept help
That conflicts and crises can arise in a relationship does not mean that there is a rule that you should face these problems without help. Couples therapy performed by psychologists is an option to consider, Since in these sessions you can learn the keys to redirecting the situation and avoiding fueling the drama and adopting a constructive and empathetic point of view.
- Fisher, H. (2004). Why we love: The nature and chemistry of romantic love.
- Loye, DS (2000). Darwin’s Lost Theory of Love: A Healing Vision for the 21st Century. Bloomington: iUniverse.