In relationships, it is essential to establish the material bases so that this common life can develop: choosing a good apartment, matching working hours, distributing responsibilities well, etc.
Toxic beliefs that can corrupt a relationship
However, it is nonetheless true that for the relationship to materialize, it is necessary, in addition to being surrounded by objects and habits that allow each other to support each other, develop good psychological harmonization. Or what is the same, rejecting all the toxic ideas and beliefs related to how life should be lived together, the role of each member of the couple, and the intentions of the other person that drives them to be with us.
Here are a few toxic beliefs, So that from self-reflection they can be recognized and challenged by those who may have them even without realizing it at first.
1. Love is property
The belief that leads to problems with jealousy. Understanding that the couple is part of you only serves to attack their individuality. Example: “It’s ten in the evening and he hasn’t called me yet.”
2. It’s your fault
A relationship is a two-way street, but there are people who, when certain typical problems in living together arise, they blame the couple automatically. Indeed, it is often easier to blame something on something external to us, to look in our behavior for aspects that could have triggered a conflict, or to wonder if everything is based on a simple misunderstanding. In that sense, he has the personalities that tend to victimize.
3. Mind reading
Sometimes a relationship can be mistaken for knowing absolutely what the other person is thinking. When we understand that our partner’s behavior is inherently very predictable, we will tend to attribute the intentions in a more and more pilgrim way, To the point of getting closer to paranoid thinking and constantly doubting what he wants. Example: “You want to walk the dog so you can spend less time with me.”
4. Reading the reverse mind
Like the previous one, however based on what the other person should know about us and in practice, he turns out not to know. The belief that love bestows some sort of telepathic power seems absurd, but it is not uncommon to find and occasionally come up with stereotypical scenes full of style reproaches: “I don’t know, you will know” or “do this. whatever you want, you already know my opinion “.
5. The other person is better than us
Simply assuming that the other person is worth more than you introduces an asymmetry into the relationship. An asymmetry which at the start is fictitious and only exists in our imagination, but which it may soon turn into a real decompensation, a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, it is common to get used to making deliberate and very expensive sacrifices for the good of the other person, which can cause the other person to get used to receiving special treatment and leading the relationship in. all the domains.
6. I have to prove things
This belief is closely related to the above. In short, it is therethe idea that the relationship must be kept alive through fully planned actions in which we offer the best side of ourselves. It’s something like an indefinite extension of the stage of pretending to make a good first impression, and it can go on for years after marriage. This toxic belief attacks head-on any sign of spontaneity in the life of a couple.
7. Belief in the superorganism
It can be boiled down to believing that married life is something like the culmination of a person’s life, a stage in which their individuality is lost and one becomes part of a larger entity, just like a caterpillar. would turn into a butterfly. The problem with this is that, on the one hand, promotes isolation and estrangement from family and friendsAnd on the other hand, this union with the other person is still fictitious, so this idea does not correspond to reality.
8. My partner defines me
this belief it can become toxic if taken literally, As it has the power to flourish at the expense of our own identity. People who take an extreme version of this belief change their hobbies, their personalities, and even the way they talk depending on who they are dating. The negative consequences of this have to do with the loss of our ability to stand up for ourselves as people with our own standards, but it also creates problems that are mostly social, as people who know us they can. see it as a kind of fraud.
9. The need for theater
As it is sometimes understood that the relationship with the partner must be more intense than our relationships with other people, this can also extrapolate to the realm of everyday conflicts. It is possible that there are real minute oversizing, Like the fact that the gift the couple gave us almost does not match our tastes.
10. Whatever I do is my partner
This belief is based on the idea that the relationship is, in essence, a kind of license or contract of indefinite duration. As long as the relationship qualifies as a “couple relationship,” both people involved (although usually only us) are entitled to do whatever they want, without having to consider agreed upon covenants and responsibilities.
Some conclusions …
Of course, the way in which I have presented these beliefs here is caricatured, thus clearly showing the destructive implications of hasty lines of thought and the conclusions to which they can give rise.
In real life these ideas they seem a bit more in disguise and almost always haven’t been noticed in their existence as basic and simple as they are. The task of discovering and coping with them can also be one of those challenges that can be tackled together and that makes life together more intense.