Emotional codependency is a very damaging symptom for relationships, because when happiness depends on others, you cease to be who you really are and you are unable to express your true personality. Emotional codependence, like emotional dependence, is synonymous with toxic relationship.
This is why it is good to know how to manage this phenomenon wherever it occurs; after all, our well-being is at stake.
Difference between emotional codependency and emotional dependence
Many people think that emotional dependence and emotional codependence are synonymous. But … is this really the case? Nothing could be further from the truth. Emotional dependence and emotional codependency, although related, are different concepts.
The dependent person is a person who, due to the dysfunctional characteristics of his personality, depends on another person to be happy, and uses that person to fill the void that he feels in his life. He is unable to back down even though his situation is conflictual and he has no future. Emotional addiction occurs in one of the members of the couple, But the other must not be dependent. Dependent people manipulate their partner to benefit from their low autonomy, zero empowerment, and low self-esteem.
However, emotional codependence takes place when a member of the couple is “addicted” to his partner’s dependence and therefore the need to help him and take care of his well-being.
Codependency is not altruistic behavior
The co-dependent person it is a kind of quieter controller and manipulator, Who spends all of his time waiting for what he thinks his partner needs. In this attempt to protect the other, he ceases to be himself.
His intention may seem altruistic, but in reality it is not. Co-dependent relationships are not healthy relationships and have a negative effect on the happiness of the co-dependent person and the couple, but it also affects their work, health and even other interpersonal relationships.
Symptoms of this type of addiction in the couple
Emotional codependence it is a relational style that must be corrected, And it is a way of thinking that the person has the conviction that he must sacrifice his well-being for others, whatever the consequences.
Codependent people have a number of characteristics or signals that need to be detected for the relationship to go well. They are as follows:
1. They feel responsible for the feelings of the couple
Codependent persons they spend all their energy to meet the needs of their partner and they are constantly making sacrifices in their relationship. While it doesn’t hurt to do acts of love for the couple and help them out when they are having a hard time, there should always be a balance.
Although the co-dependent person’s partner may be dependent and have low self-esteem, the co-dependent does everything possible for the couple, putting their own needs aside.
2. They get carried away by the emotional part rather than the rational part
In fact, codependent people they don’t have the capacity to solve their lover’s problemsBut they are more carried away by the emotional part than the rational part. They have a deficit in their interpersonal relationships, for example in terms of assertiveness; and despite sacrificing their well-being for the other, they fail to achieve their goal because they are not mentally strong people.
3. They feel used and victimized when things are not going well
Since their behavior is not altruistic, codependent people often feel used and unappreciated for everything they do for their partner. the codependent he will use a lot of energy to support the lives of others, All under the guise of altruism and volleyball sincerely helps. When help or advice is ignored or unappreciated, the codependent feels angry and abused.
Thus, it is common to resort to emotional blackmail, as a desperate attempt to strengthen the bonds that hold the relationship together. Unfortunately, this strategy doesn’t just cause discomfort to the other person; moreover, it produces the opposite effect of the alleged, because it is clear that it is a form of manipulation, often even when it is agreed to do what the other wants and it seems that in the short term, this strategy worked.
4. They have unclear boundaries
These types of individuals take everything as a personal thing, as the boundaries of emotional codependence are unclear. Borders are a kind of imaginary line between the members of the couple, in which everyone knows how far they have to go so as not to hurt the other.
This makes sense, for example, for intimate relationships or for belonging, but also in feelings, thoughts and needs. In this sense, they have unclear boundaries. On the one hand, they give everything for the couple, but on the other hand they blame them and throw them all away in the face of the slightest change.
5. They are drivers
Codependent persons they use manipulation or guilt to control the behavior of others. These tactics may be subconscious, but in the end the emptiness and the need to feel useful make him a controlling person, constantly seeking to offer help even when the other person doesn’t need it. Therefore, he does not actually offer you any real help, but rather seeks to meet your own needs through this seemingly altruistic behavior.
6. They are obsessive
Co-dependent individuals spend too much time think about others and how they will be. It is all caused by their addiction, anxiety and fears. They can also become obsessed when they think they have made or made a mistake because they value themselves negatively and cannot tolerate frustration.
Thus, one of the central elements of the mental state of such people is anticipatory anxiety.
7. They have low self-esteem
Negative feedback is common among these people. One of the main causes of this phenomenon is that they have low self-esteem. These are people who in addition to the codependientes are employed in the situation and they fear rejection because they don’t feel comfortable with themselves.
8. Poor social skills
They are also people who usually do not have highly developed social skills and therefore channel a large part of their energy to a single individual. Helping others is positive, but in this context of social skills deficit, helping becomes a big dependency. who aims to feel valued and appreciated.
9. They deny reality
These are people who often deny reality, especially when it comes to couple and relationship problems. Although they are very attentive to helping their boyfriend or girlfriend and give them a lot of attention, they have poor problem-solving ability.
10. They are trapped in a toxic relationship
Due to low self-esteem, it is common for these people to be trapped in an unsatisfying and toxic relationship, even knowing that it is not to their benefit. Codependent persons they spend too much time trying to change partners, Because they are the ones who find it hard to change.
11. They are not emotionally intelligent
These people lie to each other and apologize for the bad behavior of others. Since they avoid their own feelings and have a low capacity for self-awareness and thinking, they develop techniques to lie to each other on the behavior of others.
They don’t know each other, don’t regulate their emotions, and don’t have good communication skills. In short, they are not emotionally intelligent.