Dating discussions don’t have to be harmful, as long as we know how to handle them properly and how to express our feelings in a natural and constructive way. As it is not always an easy task, throughout this article we will look at 12 keys that will help us manage couple discussions in the most satisfying way possible for both.
Conflicts in romantic relationships
When we fall in love and are also fortunate enough to be matched, our minds are plunged into a state of absolute well-being and happiness that can hardly be clouded by other external factors.
At the beginning of relationships, external worries become light and fleeting, because the feeling of well-being produced by the fall in love counterbalances all these headaches.
But unfortunately, the phase of falling in love does not last a lifetime, And over time, the romantic euphoria wanes. As a result, any event, both outside of the relationship and his own, can be a stressor that ends up affecting our intimate relationship.
The conflicts inherent in cohabitation and relationships, economic issues and even the ups and downs of work risk ending in a couple’s discussion that we can’t (or don’t know) how to handle. However, couple talks are not only inevitable, but also absolutely necessary if we know how to handle them properly.
Contrary to what many people think, having a fight with your partner every now and then is a common and normal thing. And as long as it’s not too frequent or violent discussions, the appearance of discrepancies is natural when two people share an area of their life in a very intense way.
It should be noted that when we speak of argumentation, we are talking about a debate, an exchange of views which in no way includes lack of respect, aggression or violence. In a couple who never argue, it is very likely that one of the two represses their ideas or opinionsEither for fear of creating conflicts and not knowing how to resolve them properly, or because of pressure from the other person.
In both cases, this situation is impossible to maintain over time without one of the two parties being able to last longer. In this way, any small conflict, which could have been resolved in time and without additional consequences, is amplified and accompanied by other conflicts that have been brought under control.
12 tips for managing romantic discussions
In order to resolve the issues, they must be resolved, Although it means being forced to have an argument, sometimes awkward, with our partner. In order to make this moment easier, we’ll go over a list of techniques or tips for successfully handling a couple’s chat. With these suggestions, we will not be avoiding the discussion, but the mistakes we all tend to make that cause great discomfort.
These are the guidelines for having a discussion in an orderly fashion, trying to keep our feelings from taking hold of us and ending them in the most successful way possible.
1. Knowing how to identify and express our own emotions
Our reactions and responses in a discussion are not the same whether she is moved by anger, as if she is moved by sadness or frustration. To be able to identify what one feels and what is its cause is fundamental to know how to manage and find a solution to this problem that generates this negative feeling.
2. Recognize if there is a real underlying reason
In many couples’ discussions that are conducted in a passionate way about a specific issue, such as doing housework, they are a symptom of a major underlying conflict.
This real discord or controversy feeds the small problems. So you need to know what is the real origin of our anger; in order to be able to resolve it at the root and avoid intense conflicts over unimportant conflicts.
3. Promote dialogue, not avoid
As discussed at the beginning of the article, this must be assimilated to avoid dialogue with the intention of avoiding a possible fight; as well as ignoring the conflict situation or always giving the reason to the couple only these are avoidance techniques that fuel more and more frustration.
This will only help us accumulate negative feelings which will eventually manifest themselves sooner or later. The crux of the matter is to have a dialogue and exchange of opinions in the calmest way possible and thus achieve a constructive and calm conversation.
4. Formulate positive and personal responses
There are many ways to say things and discuss we tend to use an accusing tone that is never helpful nor conciliator.
Even if we are convinced that we are right, changing our tone and accusing expressions for others in the first person and in a positive way expressing our emotions will help the other person to put themselves in our shoes.
5. Never disrespect
This is perhaps one of the most difficult points. Couple discussions they usually have a much more intense emotional componentSo sometimes we can be tempted to get carried away with anger, say things we don’t really mean, and even disrespect the couple.
We should never underestimate the value of our words, because a discussion in which anger moves our expressions can lead to harm, both to the other person and to the partner, often irreparable.
Likewise, the use of reproaches or recriminations towards the other person, they will never promote the development of a satisfactory dialogue.
6. Knowing how to choose the right time
In most cases, it makes more sense to postpone a discussion than to have it in an unsuitable environment or location. You have to find a moment of intimacy, In which both people feel comfortable expressing their feelings directly and without the presence of other people.
Likewise, having enough time to talk is essential. Haste is never practical in an argument, as it is more likely that one of the two will end up abruptly and it will be much more difficult to resume it.
7. Don’t make any decisions in the moment
Making “hot” and emotionally driven decisions is never a good idea. When we let these negative emotions make the decisions for us, we can end up making decisions that we don’t really want and then have to redeem or regret.
Therefore, it is better to end the discussion and think about it, once the spirits have calmed down, whether any decision needs to be made regarding the relationship or couple dynamics refers to.
8. Forget the pride
Just as we need to recognize our emotions, it is also necessary to assume that we are not always right. If we are the ones who made a mistake, we will have to swallow our pride and apologize. Afterwards, we will feel relieved and our partner will appreciate our efforts.
9. Don’t get over problems
A very common mistake in dating discussions is to highlight issues from the past. It is essential to focus on the topic or the current situation, to leave past conflicts where they are, or in case they cause a lot of concern in the person to leave them for another time, as this this will only strengthen the current tension.
10. Take a “time out”
In the moments when we see that the discussion is getting too intense, the best decision is to take a “time out” in which the two temporarily step away from the discussion. This small temporary distance will promote the development of another perspective of the problem and it will relax your spirits.
11. Know when to stop
Knowing when the discussion has not progressed and has stopped is essential so as not to repeat the same discussion patterns over and over again. At this point it is better to stop for a moment, a “time out” may be useful, and raise possible alternatives to the discussion or to the situation that is maintained.
12. Resolve conflicts
After a discussion it is necessary be able to come to an agreed upon agreement with possible solutions to the problematic situation. There is no point in arguing for hours not to come to a conclusion, as it is also very possible that the conflict will reappear.
Therefore, achieving a treatment that is satisfactory for both is one of the goals to be set in a couple’s discussion.