If there is one aspect of our emotional life that arouses as much passion as the first days of relationships, it is those times when we realize that we didn’t get over the breakup with an ex-partner and we are beset by doubts about whether to recontact him or not.
And is that even though in most romantic films the line between what is good and what is bad is clearly drawn, real life is much more complicated.
In fact, unrealistic ideas about what a true love story is makes many people take it for granted. give a second chance to failed relationships no matter how far they ended.
Why it is better not to reconnect with former partners
While in theory everyone has the ability to overcome break-up, in practice not everyone has the time or energy to do so. This is why, in most cases, the temptation to reconnect with a former partner is often problematic.
If there is nothing wrong with responding or meeting an “ex,” it is advisable to do so when this sentimental grieving process has been completely overcome. Below you can read the top 4 reasons why it is better not to contact an ex-partner again.
1. It is impossible to start from scratch
Getting in touch with former partners is characterized by the frustration of longing for that early state of excitement and not achieving it. One thing should be clear: once the relationship is over, even if contact is resumed, nothing is the same, for better or for worse. We can’t just choose to forget everything that happenedAnd self-deluding attempts to cover up these events often generate emotional crises at the most inopportune times.
For example, although it is intended to cast a veil of ignorance on the past and to show that nothing bad happened between us and the ex-partner, if from the start one of the parties feels indebted to the other, or if one believes that the other owes him something, these feelings will arise sooner or later; indirectly at the beginning, and quite clearly at the end.
2. Constant painful reminders
The only thing that not all human beings are deeply unhappy is that they know how to manage their center of attention so as not to constantly direct sad or traumatic memories.
But it is not something which depends only on the will of the individual. The environment in which we live, and more particularly the type of elements with which we surround ourselves, they have an effect on what we think. If we live surrounded by death we will think about it more, and if we live in regular contact with an ex-partner, more opportunities will arise where, unintentionally, we will end up thinking about this relationship and what has brought it about. fails. .
That is why, unless we’ve totally gotten over the breakupWe don’t believe in the right conditions for thoughts of separation to suddenly assail us.
3. Frustration mingles with fantasies
This drawback is linked to the previous two. If there is one thing that can cause as much pain as living in a relationship where everything is bitterness, it is living a relationship in which frustration is mixed with fantasies about what it would be like in a reality where problems with the ex-partner have disappeared.
And it is that being in contact with people with whom in the past we have had a romantic love affair brings both very good memories and very bad memories. These are among the conflicts likely to ariseWhile the former tempt us to try to relive what we have sometimes come to confuse with the present: fantastic moments that we experience more through what we would like it to be than through honesty.
4. Close the transition to new opportunities
Many times the urge to reconnect with the ex-partner is basically an element of distraction. Sometimes the possibility of having a love affair with that person makes us focus on that kind of fantasy again and that we pass up opportunities to initiate more functional and exciting relationships.
In fact, sometimes just idealizing the return of contact with the ex-partner makes the thought of starting a relationship with another different person to produce feelings of guilt, even though it never came for ” come back ”with this former couple.
In these cases, it stands to reason that we are predestined to resume this failed relationship, even if there is no objective reason to believe it. This is a very dysfunctional belief that in the long run satisfies neither party and can even hurt others when they receive mixed signals: sometimes we seem interested in these people and sometimes we seem to reject them totally.