7 keys to knowing if you want to be in a relationship or not

A lot of people assume that starting a relationship is always a positive thing, but it isn’t always. In fact, there are quite a few who engage in such a love affair without practically wondering if they really want to.

Therefore, in this article, we are going to do a brief review of some key ideas that help you understand yourself and clarify what you are looking for in someone dear to us.

    7 key ideas to know if you really want to be in a relationship

    What you will see below are guidelines that serve as a guide for reflection if you really want to be in a relationship with someone in particular. Keep in mind that, taken individually, these issues don’t disprove or confirm anything, but if we take them as a whole it will give you a rough idea of ​​your motivations when considering this relationship. The surest way to boost your self-knowledge and find a lifestyle that matches your interests and values ​​is to go into psychotherapy.

    1. Do you feel like there is no going back?

    If you feel like your relationship with another person is already “too strong” to turn back the clock, take this as a warning sign.

    Although in some cases it involves making significant sacrifices, any relationship can be broken off by either person, and if for a while you ceased to be aware of it, you may have taken action. out of sheer pressure, not out of love.

    Cases in which a person is considered to be the property of his partner are particularly damaging, and in fact, that kind of experience can be based on dynamics of abuse (if both people see the relationship that way) that need to be cut immediately.

      2. What do you like most about this person, are your common tastes?

      If you notice that the purpose of your relationship with someone you love may come down to common interests and hobbies, you are probably mistaken for love and the desire to start a relationship which is actually a beautiful friendship.

      Remember, it’s okay to be friends with someone who initially attracted you sexually or sparked a romantic interest in you.

        3. Are you afraid of being single?

        Although the fear of celibacy is a widespread phenomenon, it is nonetheless harmful. This is not a reason to start or maintain a relationship with someone, and in that sense, if you experience this kind of anxiety, the process that will make you feel good is to redefine your conception of happiness and a fulfilling life plan.

        4. Have you learned to associate this relationship with loss of freedom?

        If thinking about that relationship you are in or plan to have your attention in is all about what you have to sacrifice to stay there, this probably isn’t the option you really want.

        5. Do you think that having frequent sex with someone leads to courtship?

        Regardless of the changes that have taken place in Western societies over the past decades, it is clear that various conservative cultural dynamics persist and influence the way we perceive relationships.

        That is, although a lot has changed, Beneath this surface of apparent progress remain mental frameworks inherited from previous centuries, especially with regard to gender roles and the family..

        With that in mind, it’s no surprise that even though we don’t see sex the same way it did 100 years ago, it’s still tied to the idea of ​​marriage; before it was an inducement to get married, and now it’s an introduction to the type of relationships that, if nurtured, lead to the altar. In other words, for a lot of people it’s the first step of a type of emotional bonding that goes through courtship and ends in marriage, so if you don’t go through those last two phases, it seems like the relationship is not satisfactory and remains incomplete. .

        Considering this kind of prejudice is essential to fully enjoy sex without feeling guilty and without giving rise to relationships without a future.

          6. When you are with this person, do you notice that pity marks your behavior?

          Love and affection for a person can take many forms, but not all of them are compatible with the common life plan. which involves a relationship. If you notice that you are with this person largely because you feel sorry for them and want to help them, the reality is what motivates you to be with them is not that kind of love. Among other things, so that you do not consider this relationship as a symmetrical link established between equals.

          7. Do you feel anticipatory anxiety about offering to engage more?

          If from time to time you are surprised to imagine with fear what would happen if this person is “a little older”, chances are a relationship isn’t what you’re looking for.

            Are you interested in going to therapy?

            If you wish to undertake an individual or couple psychotherapy process, I invite you to contact me to schedule a first session.

            My name is Blanca Ruiz and I am a psychologist with more than a decade of professional experience in this field; I take care of adults and adolescents with problems such as low self-esteem, mood disorders, relationship crises, family conflicts, eating disorders, stress at work , etc.

            Bibliographical references

            • Christensen A., Atkins DC, Baucom B., Yi J. (2010). Marital status and satisfaction five years after a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional couple behavior therapy to integrative therapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 78 (2): p. 225 – 235.
            • Fehr, B., Russell, J. (1991). The concept of love seen from a prototype point of view. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60 (3): p. 425 – 438.
            • Fisher, H. (1993). Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Deviate. New York: Norton and company
            • Sternberg, RJ (1999). Love is like a story. Planet Group (GBS). Barcelona: Paidós.

            Leave a Comment