Knowing when it’s time to go to couples therapy isn’t always easy; romantic relationships are always complex and offer many different interpretations of what is going on. And it costs even more when you do not see the situation from the outside, like someone observing the behavior of a couple, but it is oneself who must analyze his relationship with this other person. There are a lot of emotions and feelings involved.
However, there are a number of criteria that help us to know which situations tell us that we have significant problems in this regard and that, therefore, we should go to couples therapy.
During these sessions, patients learn to take a more neutral and objective perspective on what is going on in their relationship, so that even the ability to recognize love issues is enhanced. But … how do you “learn to see” these warning signs if you’ve never been to couples therapy, in part precisely because you don’t know there are reasons to go for a first consultation? ?
In this article we will see a summary of these keys to recognizing the dysfunctions in the love life of a couple, What we should work with the help of a professional psychologist.
Problems that justify couples therapy
Here is a summary of the main criteria for knowing when to go to couples therapy.
1. Jealousy is a recurring phenomenon
Jealousy never brings any goodBecause they encourage an attitude of control over each other’s lives, which we have come to see as a personal resource, something to be protected. Therefore, although the jealous being has long come to romanticize as if it were a positive trait, it should be taken seriously when it interferes with the happiness of any of the parties involved ( or both).
2. There is a lack of communication
Sometimes over time the mixture between the monotony of everyday life and the loathing of the lack of satisfying moments in a relationship makes conversation difficult, or communication is very close and functional (just to live together). This is a serious problem, because it makes the relationship feel like a burdenAnd on many occasions, feelings of guilt also arise in the face of one “giving up” the other.
In addition, the lack of communication facilitates the occurrence of misunderstandings or the distrust of the other vis-a-vis the lack of moments to speak honestly about what one feels.
3. There are constant discussions about coexistence
No one said living together was easy, especially for young couples. Knowing how to allocate tasks fairly and equitably is an ideal that many couples shy away from., For various reasons: lack of household chores, differences in time available, different perceptions of what it costs to perform certain tasks, presence of resentment in the face of discussions about the past, etc.
4. There are different long-term goals
Relationships are almost always a long-term endeavor, which involves making sacrifices and committing to the well-being and best interests of each other.
but this this is something that some people come across all of a sudden, Without expecting it at all, so they do not have time to agree on solutions that satisfy both parties because they have not even been able to stop to think about what they want and which corresponds to the interests of their loved one.
5. There are insecurities and taboos in sex life
Gender identity is, too often, a source of insecurity and erosion of self-esteem. But that’s because there is no way to express their own tastes and preferences as they see them. Couples therapy helps a lot to establish a context in which to talk honestly about it. and achieve acceptance and self-acceptance.
6. You are on the defensive in discussions
Arguing every now and then, but beyond the number of times it is discussed, which is difficult to objectively assess before going into therapy, there is a warning sign that can help you know if it is There’s a problem with this: If it’s right at the start of the discussion, you or your partner will feel defensive, expecting tension and blame to escalate.
7. In the event of a crisis of confidence due to infidelity
It’s worth noting that cheating isn’t just about harassing someone we don’t have a romance with while being with someone in a romance.
Infidelities are transgressions of the most basic sexual commitments that shape the relationship, which each couple establishes in their own way. In the vast majority of cases, an infidelity causes (at least) the failure of the relationship. But be careful, it only makes sense to undergo couples therapy if you’ve already stopped cheating, and the problem is strictly based on what happened in the past.
- Christensen A., Atkins DC, Baucom B., Yi J. (2010). “Marital Status and Satisfaction Five Years After a Randomized Clinical Trial Comparing Traditional Couples Behavior Therapy with Integrative Therapy.” Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 78 (2): 225-235.
- Sternberg, J. (1997). “Satisfaction in Close Relationships,” Guilford Press.