8 Couples Therapy Techniques You Should Know

As with any social relationship that has meaning for us, it is necessary to take care of the romantic relationship if we want it to last and evolve in a satisfactory way. It’s not enough not to fight, you have to feel comfortable in it and enjoy the relationship.

In this sense, the most common problems that often come up in consultation in the couple are: lack of communication, uncontrolled discussions, jealousy, crisis of infidelity, boredom or monotony in living together, devoting little quality time to the couple, and the conflicts generated indirectly from other conflicts before the political family.

In this article we will see the most useful couple therapy techniques and what benefits they bring.

    What is couples therapy?

    We know that social relationships can be complicated; sometimes communication problems, discussions, another way of apprehending the situation arise… In the case of relationships, these differences are easy to realize, since they are made up of individuals who share a lot of time and experiences, and who maintain many common relations. responsibilities.

    Fortunately, when the dynamic of the relationship between the members of the couple becomes unsustainable and the members who compose it are not able to cope with it, the intervention of a psychology professional helps to improve the state of coexistence and love.

    Thus, the main functions of the couple psychologist are to: identify what is the problem that affects the couple, what is the mode of action and behavior of the couple, establish and form a new bond between the members who make up the relationship, modify the attitudes of the members and the communication established between them.

    It is also important to note that the ultimate goal is to make both individuals better, not to maintain the relationship. We refer that, in the event that the couple decides to end the relationship and they do not give for more, the psychologist will also accompany them so that this process takes place in the best possible way.

      Why go to couples therapy

      The reasons for consultation can be multiple, any impact that affects the state of the couple.

      The most common requirement is often associated with communication issues; the couple is not able to understand and converse in an optimal way, this situation can also lead to uncontrolled discussions, this being an erroneous mode of expression and communication. Also, another reason can be a lack of time in both members or by one of the two, other activities like work can affect the couple.

        Techniques used in couples therapy

        A notable feature that can sometimes complicate the procedure is that there are two patients and it is necessary that both agree to perform the therapy and be cooperative. Once we know what is the main problem related to the bad situation, we will apply the techniques necessary to deal with the problem in question.

        So let’s see what techniques can be useful to us and in what situations it is advisable to use them, with what problems.

        1. Pension contract

        The contingency contract technique is used in pairs to try to change behaviors and achieve a more appropriate mode of action and relationship, so that both members of the couple feel satisfied.

        For the execution of the technique to be effective, it is necessary that the two individuals who form the couple agree and commit to the intervention, accepting and signing the contract between the two parties. Neither member should show prior privileges, both should earn rewards and can be punished equally. The contract must mark the conduct clearly and precisely pointing out what is the reward and reprimand for not accomplishing.

        It is important that the contract is strictly respected and that it is each member of the couple who marks the other and values ​​the performance. Instead of prizes, equivalent behaviors can also be established, i.e. we can score that one of the members makes the bed if the other scrubs the dishes, thus we also get to distribute the duties of balanced way.

          2. Positive and negative pot

          This technique allows us to improve communication and the expression of positive and negative problems. The procedure is as follows: the couple must use two jars or boxes, in one of them will be written complaints or negative behaviors or that one of the members does not see well; instead, the other will help them express behaviors that they positively appreciate in their partner.

          This way, as we said, we make it easier for them to express how they feel and prevent a simple misunderstanding from leading to a bigger problem. Likewise, the positive pot, where the good deeds will be written, also allows us to reinforce the positive deeds and give them the recognition they deserve, because in many cases we only focus on the bad ones and forget that there are always positive aspects.

            3. Learn to issue and accept criticism

            Giving and accepting criticism is not easy, as sometimes there is a tendency to attack the other person and act defensively against them. It’s important to be aware that we all have the right to express what we don’t like and more if we want to. that the relationship flows and develops properly. Once we have understood the need to express them, it is essential to know how to do it, because depending on our performance it will be more or less easy to obtain a good response from the receiver (our partner).

            To express ourselves, it is useful to choose a good moment, so that we know that our partner is more receptive and that we have his attention, and we communicate calmly, calmly, without disturbing each other. When we receive criticism, we must deal with the complaint and assess whether there are really reasons to justify it, we must try to reach an agreement with the other person and try to reach a solution that is appropriate and accepted by the of them.

            4. Planning consensus activities

            It’s common for couples to establish routine behaviors when they’ve been together for a long time, which doesn’t have to be bad, but it’s also necessary to break that routine from time to time. Plan enjoyable activities together This will help the couple reconnect and spend quality time together, not just sharing space. The activity is for each member to draw up a list of the activities he most wants to do with the other and thus be able to choose between the two what he plans to do.

            5. Time management in pairs

            The couple, like any other area of ​​life, must take care of it, being important that we dedicate time to it even if we have other obligations. It is common to have the feeling of needing more hours, because the day does not give us everything, and we can minimize the aspects that we do not consider essential. It is essential that we reserve time to be alone with our partner, to take a weekend getaway, to go out to dinner or simply to spend time alone at home, the important thing is to give him the attention that he deserves.

            In the same way that we are parents or employees we are also a couple and, therefore, we must work so that this continues favorably.

            6. Work on sexuality

            Sexuality is also an area that can be affected in relationships, a lack of communication or a lack of knowledge can make intercourse unsatisfying for one or both subjects. It is important for everyone to express their desires and behaviors that will help them enjoy sex more.without the need for penetration.

            In this way, we begin a new way of experiencing sexuality, testing exciting behaviors from lower to higher intensity, which we will gradually increase. The goal is not penetration, but both members of the couple enjoy sex.

            7. Resolution of problems through assertive communication

            Problem solving is a technique that can help us increase communication in conflict situations and facilitate its resolution. Although it may seem like a problem, it can be a cause for discord, if we do it right, as we mentioned before, it should generate conflict; it’s more Facing the situation is the only way to resolve it.

            The process is typical of the problem-solving technique used for a single subject, only in this case it will be necessary for both members of the couple to intervene. We must first determine what is the problem that requires a solution, defining all the characteristics related to it, so that it is easier for us to carry out the second step which consists of thinking about the different alternatives to solve the situation problem. Once it has been decided between the two which solution to apply, a follow-up is done to see if there is an improvement or not.

              8. Constructive discussion training

              To make the discussion effective and useful, it is essential to get it right. If we feel uncomfortable, very nervous, that we will not be able to discuss calmly, listening to our partner and expressing our opinions with respect, it is better to cut or avoid the discussion and resume it when we are truly prepared and predisposed to this. To stop a discussion that we see that is only making the situation worse, it may help to use a keyword that when we say means end of dispute.

              Later, more serenely, we will resume the discussion, when we have had time to reflect, to clarify our ideas, and to think about what we want to say.

              Do you want to go to couples therapy?

              If you are interested in psychological help for couples, contact us.

              In UPAD Psychology and Coaching We can treat you in individualized psychotherapy as well as couple therapy and sexology. Sessions can take place in our center located in Madrid or online.

              Bibliographic references

              • Labrador, FJ (2015) Psychological intervention in couples therapy. Pyramid.
              • Montesano, A. (2015) Fundamental Keys in Couples Therapy: A Navigating Guide for Practice. Journal of Psychotherapy.
              • Barraca, J. (2016) Integral couple therapy. Synthesis.

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