All couples have their ups and downs. There are times of great happiness and others when you are not so happy, but if the relationship is strong and there is mutual understanding, it is only a matter of time before the small coexistence problems are finally solved.
Naturally, a couple is the union of two people who have different personality traits, but who are supposed to feel good together. Now, sometimes it happens that one is too negative, so much so that it can prevent the other from enjoying the relationship.
here we will explore how to tell if you are the negative side of a relationship, to know where to start to overcome a relationship crisis.
How do you know if you are the negative part of a relationship?
Not everything is always perfect in a relationship, because just like in any type of relationship, there are ups and downs, times when you both grow up learning and facing adversity.
Criticisms and complaints are normal in every couple, which, if they appear from time to time and receive an appropriate response, serve to improve the relationship. If there is something wrong, it is better to confidently say that it is wrong, but of course with the intention of finding a solution. and put some thread in its correction.
Spending too much time complaining over and over again about how bad our boyfriend or husband is doing and pretending to do nothing is definitely a toxic attitude. If it turns out that you are one of those who behaves this way with your partner, then chances are you are part of the relationship problem or, at least, which is on the negative side. Watching the wrong things all the time and doing nothing to get the good things to come will, sooner or later, be a problem for the relationship.
One person’s negativity acts as an inevitable destroyer of another’s happiness, even causes depressive feelings. Negativity bias is a factor that increases the chances of a self-fulfilling prophecy occurring in the belief that sooner or later the relationship will end. On top of that, being a pessimistic person is the worst thing for anyone’s libido, which decreases the frequency and quality of relationships.
If you want to know if you are really the negative in a relationship or confirm your doubts in case you have any, then you will see 8 subtle signs that indicate if you are that type of person (although they don’t have to do everything). give time).
1. You argue all the time
It is normal (and inevitable) to have an argument every now and then with our partner, as no relationship is perfect and small quarrels can always arise. Macaw, if we happen to discuss all two or three, the problem is not what is discussed but the attitude that we have, inclined to initiate these discussions.
If you are the one who constantly engages in discussions with your partner, this is a clear sign that you are not bringing much coexistence to the relationship. If this is discussed more often and conflicts are not adequately resolved, it is only a matter of time before the relationship eventually crumbles and crumbles.
2. You always complain to your friends
Of course, it’s not a good sign for you to complain about your partner to your friends, instead of talking to them about the issues and trying to work them out together. It is true that your friends can advise or help you, however if the complaint is constant and you do absolutely nothing to remedy the situation, you are not exactly a facilitator.
No one wants to hear constant complaints about your relationship. Do you have a problem with your partner? then put the solution at once. It’s only a matter of time before your friends, tired of your endless complaints, tell you to break up with your partner immediately (and maybe they do so thinking about her more than you).
3. Your partner is no longer open to you
Another sign of negativity on your part is that your partner no longer feels comfortable sharing their intimate life, opinions, and experiences. Instead of sharing the things that happen to him in his everyday life, he prefers to save them, silence them or comment on them to other people. He doesn’t tell you lest you tell him something negative and doing something she was proud of ceases to make her proud.
4. You are generally dissatisfied
People are not 24/7 light beings. There are times when we are happy for them and for others when we are sad. It’s only natural not to be happy all the timebecause in life it is normal to experience the ups and downs of a roller coaster of emotions.
However, being dissatisfied in general, sad at all times, or upset about just about everything is not good for our relationship or for ourselves. It can be a symptom of a mental health problem for which we should seek professional help, considering both our own good and that of the relationship.
5. You are sexually dissatisfied
When it comes to sex, there is everything. There are couples who don’t have sex, and that’s not necessarily a problem. There are not a few asexual couples who have a deep, satisfying and complete sentimental relationship without resorting to carnal pleasure. Sex is not everything in love.
However, it must be recognized that for most couples it is important and that, if it is not taken care of or taken into account, it is a major handicap. There are even couples where just not having a full sex life can be the beginning of the end of the relationship..
If you are a couple who have had sex before and no longer have sex, then clearly there is a problem. Maybe your partner’s attraction to you is waning because, even though you haven’t changed physically, you have done so emotionally, or he or she has discovered a psychological side of you that has destroyed his or her libido. . Negativity doesn’t invite you to have sex.
6. You must always give your opinion
You are one of those people who have a huge need to give your opinion, although absolutely no one asked knowing that they are usually not too nice. Talking badly, even if he apologizes by saying “this is only my opinion”, does not stop hurting, which will be particularly badly taken by your partner. It’s painful to date someone who criticizes us, even if they’re doing it without wanting to.
7. Your partner talks to others before you do
Maybe your partner is commenting on what is happening to him in his day to day life, but before he does it with you, he does it with people like coworkers, friends, family …
It is inevitable that more than once you explain certain things beforehand to people other than yourself, this in itself is not a problem; the problem comes when you explain absolutely everything beforehand to people with whom you are not supposed to have as close and personal a connection as the one you are supposed to have with yourself.
The most likely reason for all of this is that every time he says something to you you react negatively and you end up undermining his morale. Therefore, before you receive your nasty comments, you would rather be accused of the positivity of others and so when you end up telling them the things that he has done, their opinions or views, don’t your pessimistic comments come up? to sink into misery. .
8. Stop doing special things with yourself
At the start of any relationship, it is normal for more plans to be made together only after a while. The spark of passion and excitement of seeing that special someone ends up lowering the intensity a bit over time, but in any great relationship, it doesn’t stop.. You always do something like cooking together, staying for dinner, hiking… things like that.
When the time comes when absolutely nothing is done together, it’s time to worry. You may not feel like doing something new anymore, and of course, he or she isn’t really keen on sharing his or her time and energy with someone who has been stagnant or sees everything flat as something that makes him lazy. If you’re a person who doesn’t feel like trying new things with your partner or at least having experiences together, that’s a sign of negativity.
What to do in these cases?
The most effective way to deal with this type of relationship problem is to go to psychotherapy. If you are looking for psychological support services, I invite you to contact me; my name is Javier Ares and I sort of assist in person and online, individually and in pairs.
- Biscotti, O. (2006). Couples therapy: a systemic perspective. 1a. ed. Buenos Aires: Lumen.
- Christensen, A .; Atkins, DC; Baucom, B .; Yi J. (2010). Marital status and satisfaction five years after a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional couple behavior therapy to integrative therapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 78 (2): pages 225 – 235.
- Dattilio, FM and Padesky, California (2004). Cognitive couple therapy. Bilbao: Editorial Desclée De Brouwer.
- Sternberg, RJ (1987). Love vs. Love: A Comparative Assessment of Theories. Psychological Bulletin, 102 (3): p. 331 – 345.