Agamia: A way as free as it is stimulating to live relationships

Over the decades and the expansion of wellness societies, new ways of loving have emerged. Yes before it was practically an obligation to marry a person of the opposite sex and having children (or dedicating one’s life to a god), today creating emotional ties is much freer.

Same-sex marriage, for example, means that, regardless of sexual orientation, you have the same rights in marriage, while the option of not having a partner is increasingly accepted socially (although there is still a certain stigma against single women of a certain age). Moreover, in recent years, proposals such as polyamory or relationship anarchy have started to question the idea of ​​romantic love and the traditional monogamous couple.

However, for some people there is still a long way to go to make emotional freedom something truly present in our societies. It is from this type of position that the concept of agamia, an idea as revolutionary as it is controversial.

    What is agamia?

    Agamia is basically the absence of what is called the deer, which is a union between two people who has marriage as a point of reference. In courtship, for example, this is an example of a fallow deer, as it is culturally viewed as an antechamber to marriage, but there are many other similar cases.

    For example, the relationship between two lovers, who do not formally consider each other as a couple, it is also acts, In the vast majority of cases. Because? Because they cannot remain indifferent to the possibility that one or the other person seeks to formalize the relationship, and that they accept this possibility as something normal, which must condition their way of behaving in front of the ‘other. After all, sex is not something foreign to deeds, but rather what gave rise to its existence.

    Something as simple as losing interest in the other person in specific cases, for example, is usually a way of trying not to portray someone in love: courtship and marriage act like background noise compared to what is needed to position yourself.

    So the defenders of the agamia they tend to criticize the idea of ​​polyamory stressing that, in practice, it is a way of loving with the traditional Gamaic relationship as a point of reference. After all, all kinds of names and labels are set out to define each of the forms of polyamory according to their degree of resemblance to the traditional monogamous couple, indicating types of engagements that only make sense if the first founded have been internalized. romantic love.

      The relational norm of marriage

      From the perspective of agamia advocates, our view of love is conditioned by the strong cultural roots of marriage as a means of regulating emotional life. For example, when we refer to the world of emotions, the word “relationship” tells us of a bond of love typically based on romantic love, of which marriage has always been the ultimate expression.

      To refer to other types of emotional ties, we must add adjectives, specifications that clearly indicate that what we are talking about is not exactly a couple in love: friendship, professional relationship, etc. Marriage remains the axis of emotional relationships, Which serves as a maximum reference and which is impossible to ignore. At the same time, this kind of fallow-based bond creates norms in other relationships: here is adultery, for example, seen as a violation of norms in an informal relationship through marriage, or social acceptance of the relationship. to someone who is married.

      In other words, we consider that there is only one possible choice: o agamia, which is the rejection of any relational norm in the affective (Because in practice they are all based on the same thing), or deeds, in which everything is measured by the resemblance of a connection to a court or a marriage.

      Love, seen from the agama point of view

      In agamy, what we normally think of as love is simply seen as a concept that grew out of a very specific way of bonding emotionally: romantic love tied to marriage. From this perspective, our perception of affectivity is neither neutral nor innocent: it is judged on the basis of a relational standard based on conjugal-type ties.

      Thus, on the basis of the objective existence of marriage-type ties, a number of social norms, thought patterns and beliefs have emerged which, without realizing it, condition our way of living affectivity in all areas of our life, both in monogamous and polygamous societies.

      Marriage, which historically has been a means of perpetuating lineages (until recently the direct trade of women, for that matter), was seen as a material necessity for subsistence, and as a result ideas and customs have emerged. to psychologically justify this practice. Over the generations the idea that emotional relations are either marriage or its substitutes has become more and more internalized, so that nowadays it is difficult to leave the reference of the doe.

        Freer affectivity

        The concept of agamia is striking because it is as simple as it is stimulating. On the one hand, to define it, it suffices to say that it is the absence of unions inspired by marriage and the court, on the other hand, it is difficult to realize when they act these patterns mental so internalized, based on sex and the formal link and regulated by rules created collectively.

        Who knows if, as we move on to more comfortable lives and have less need to depend on the family unit, agamy is spreading.

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