We all know someone who has fallen in love at some point in an obsessive way and without control. In fact, for many people, love is not conceived if it is not so. This interpersonal fusion taken to the extreme, this feeling that one cannot live without the other, to magnify, to idealize, does not generally lead to success if one does not stop in time.
In fact, this uncontrolled and boundless love alienates the victim, who ceases to feel a complete and independent person and comes to believe that there is no life except with the other, like this. Anna Karenina happened to him. In this article we will talk about a concept we could call Anna Karenina syndrome.
What is Anna Karenina Syndrome?
Anna Karenina is a fictional character who stars in the literary work of the same name, written by Lev Tolstoy in 1877. This classic of universal literature reflects the tragic circumstances in which too intense and passionate love can lead.
The protagonist, married in the novel, falls madly in love with another man, a soldier named Vronsky, and ends up leaving everything to himself. And that’s it, her husband, her social status, her son and finally her life.
Anna Karenina syndrome is linked to an obsessive affective pattern characterized by absolute dependence of the estimated figure. It drastically affects the rest of the areas of a person’s life, which lose importance and are overshadowed by THE OTHER in all caps, which ends up covering everything.
Whoever suffers from this syndrome, like the protagonist, is capable of anything as long as he is on the side of those he loves.
We have countless examples in cinema of this kind of passionate uncontrollability., As is the case with the Disney mermaid, who loses her status as a mermaid, leaves her family, her entourage, even gives her voice to be on the side of the idealized loved one.
So is it harmful to love intensely?
Unlike what Hollywood sells us and top 40 hits, obsessive love is definitely the worst way to love. Although at first this emotional deluge may seem appealingIt can end up becoming one of the worst illnesses a human being can suffer from.
This way of loving is linked to anguish: the anguish at the idea that the loved one might stop loving us, the anguish of not always having them by our side, the anguish of fear. to be deceived. So the “without you I am nothing” and the “I cannot live without you” are examples not to follow when taking on a role in the relationship.
What are the consequences of this emotional phenomenon?
There are many consequences to loving so intensely, to losing your vital course, to lowering your self-esteem, loss of self-integrity and emotional balance…. Still other more sinister consequences, like the ones Anna realizes in the book.
Don’t love me so much, love me better
It is therefore recommended not to focus on the amount of love that is given or received, but on the quality of it. There are a number of aspects that we can work on to avoid falling into this syndrome:
- To be the architects of our own happiness. Do not look for it on the outside, but on the inside. Join each other as life partners, not as crutches, bandages, nurses or psychologists.
- “Don’t put all the eggs in one basket.” Nurture friendships, hobbies, family relationships, and a fulfilling life beyond the relationship.
- Freedom of self and others. Maintain the limits of the individuality and freedom of both members.
- Don’t love blindly, But consciously. Keep our eyes wide open on the behavior of the other and take action if we don’t like what we observe.