It is very common, both in our daily life and in the professional field of a psychologist, to know of cases of couples in which infidelity occurs. In these situations, the question usually arises … is it better to cut the relationship or can it continue?
In this article we will examine the question of whether it is possible to resume the relationship after an infidelity, With all that that implies, or better to end this couple bond.
The importance of shared values
It is important to note that the situation and the suffering that can be generated will largely depend on the values that underlie a relationship. If in the values of the couple the breaking of monogamy is not seen as a betrayal, obviously the suffering is much less or even non-existent.
It is also important to know what type of infidelity we are talking about (sexual, more emotional, digital …) and how the two members of the couple perceive it.
It is equally important to assess why the infidelity has occurred; mostly if it happened because of a fundamental problem in the relationship that needs to be addressedLike the couple’s routine or a pattern of behavior based on lack of impulse control, among other causes.
Intervention in couple therapy
The psychologist will help find out why this infidelity happened, but it’s not about finding “culprits” but finding possible gaps in the relationship or specific behaviors that could be improved.
So good, it is a complex and personal question but in which the psychologist can help. How can you do that? Why is professional help appropriate in these situations?
It is a complex issue which can cause great suffering to both parties. Obviously, those who have been unfaithful feel bad, but also those who have been unfaithful often have to deal with feelings of guilt, frustration …
The person they have been unfaithful to may feel lost, not knowing whether to forgive, whether to end the relationship, whether to take revenge, whether to be angry or sad … The person who has been unfaithful he does not know how to act, nor to speak about the subject, nor to be silent, If you are more affectionate, if you act normally … and this, in turn, generates a tension in the relationship which makes living together very difficult and which can wear out until it is broken.
Can the love story resume?
It is true that if the two have gone to therapy together and want to continue their relationship (there are situations where only one party is the one going into therapy), this will be what is sought in the first place, but if the relationship does not not allow you to be happy, which is more often the case if in addition to infidelity there is other insurmountable gaps, tools will be given to the person to detect it and be able to continue on their own.
We must keep in mind that it will always be the one who goes to the consultation who will make the decisions. The psychologist cannot tell you whether or not you should continue in the relationship, but he can give you tools to work on expressing feelings, to work on forgiveness, guilt, self-esteem, trust. .. because the relationship can continue if you both decide, by working so that this infidelity does not mean the end of the breakup if it is not what you want and by working so that this infidelity does not. not result in trauma that affects the present and the future of the person.
Located in Valencia is the Mariva Psicòlegs psychology center, specializing in couples therapy and, in particular, in working with problems due to infidelities. In this center both the emotions and the behavior of both parties are worked onIn addition to communicating with partners and deciding if you are working on forgiveness, if you are in a process of anger and rage, if you need to work on trust, etc.
In short, we work so that the couple and each part of it (ie both people) are mentally good. This is why strategies are developed to support them in their decisions, giving them the tools to achieve their goals, for the relationship to solve their problems or, separately, to get along well. To access the contact details of the team of psychologists at Mariva, click here.
Author: Lda. Marta Marin