On March 14, a state of alarm was declared in Spain due to COVID-19. This meant that we had to spend a few hours at home staying around the clock, except for people whose jobs allowed them to go out.
This state of confinement has not only affected people at the individual level. (Stress, anxiety, sadness, despair …) but also at the family level and in relationships.
So here are a few recommendations to make living together more bearable.
Tips to improve life as a couple during childbirth
Follow these key habits and ideas to make coexistence more bearable during quarantine.
1. Respect the space
If there is one thing that is needed right now, it is that we can have a space in which to be alone at certain times of the day.
Without a doubt, being with loved ones is one of the recommendations for this confinement, but the truth is that we often need time for ourselves. For that, it is necessary and healthy that there are times in the day when we have our own space. It also allows us to make more use of the time we spent as a couple afterwards.
2. Good communication
Another important aspect to emphasize, and not only for childbirth but for all couples in general, is to be able to have good communication.
It’s about expressing our emotions, concerns and thoughts to each other just like we listen to what the other person has to tell us too. We avoid judging and try to give space to conversations fluently and try to understand each other’s position.
3. Is it really that important?
In general coexistence, it often happens that we devote ourselves to discussing things like routine, cleanliness, order, etc. It is clear that these are important aspects to take into account in everyday life, but we are living in a situation of alarm, confined, experiencing intense emotions, and this can lead to us not wanting to wash dishes at home. time. In which we used to do it, or forget to pick up our clothes lying down because we were immersed in a movie that we were watching.
For that, the key is to prioritize and see that there may be aspects that are not that important at the moment. We try not to discuss trivial things and see that there may be other times for it. It’s about trying to be more flexible, not that we completely stop doing the things we used to do.
4. Promote positive activities as a couple
How are we going to do enjoyable activities as a couple at home? Perhaps the most typical is watching a movie together, but let’s take it a step further. Try to cook a special dinner for your partner, take the opportunity to take a shower together, put on some music to dance to, you can play board games, talk about a trip you took some time ago …
It’s about trying look for positive moments between the two, beyond the simple “living together”. Try to make a plan the same way you would if you weren’t confined, but were looking for ways to do it at home.
We are individual people, with our thoughts, our emotions and our learning; for that, each person experiences this situation very differently. We have to try to understand this and put ourselves in our partner’s situation.
We may not see the health emergency the same way, but we try to understand the other and respect their emotions and their time. Some people need more time to adjust.Others experience it as if everything stays the same. Try to show empathy and respect.
In this aspect, there are people who, spending more time at home, have more sex, but we also find the opposite. Now that there is more time for this, look for times when you are both more receptive, come up with new things, take the opportunity to communicate sexually. There is no doubt that sexuality is important and encourages positive emotions within the couple.
It should be noted here that of course there will be people who in this situation are with emotions of sadness, anxiety and clearly unwilling to have sex. Remember points 2 and 5 (Communication and empathy), talk to our partner and understand how he feels. We avoid blame and respect space.
The couple is not a relationship in which we have to negotiate all the time, but it is true that for some situations it is necessary to “get along”.
There will be times when we don’t think the same way, even if we try to be empathetic, it will be very difficult for us and that is why we also need to have a negotiating method that helps us to make deals. . It is not something that we should abuse, but it is very useful for certain times.
Remember: try to relativize if the reason for the discussion is something really important, if it is but fails to reach agreements, try to come up with a middle position. Sometimes he will give in one and at other times the other.
We have already pointed out that perhaps it is not time to focus on the little things that are not done and that it is better to try to put what is most important into perspective. But of course … we still live in a small space where we have to spend many hours.
This is also why it is important that we lead an organization on household chores and compulsory chores. This will greatly facilitate the time for other more enjoyable activities and reduce discussions.
Okay … we’ve already tried to give some guidelines for improving coexistence, but … and what happens when we chat? It’s normal, it is difficult for us to be in the same space for several days without any discussion.
The first is to normalize this: misunderstandings are normal with no quarantine in between. The second thing to do is to try to relax in the discussion, that is, to try to reduce the emotion of anger. Find a place in the house where you will be alone until you notice that your anger has subsided enough, then try to communicate with your partner again; if you don’t agree, remember point 7 (negotiation). Let’s also not forget point 3 (is it really that important?).
Here are some recommendations that we offer you Psychologists Mariva. Sometimes this is not enough and the couple are going through a difficult time, probably since before childbirth but this was made worse by the situation. If this is your case, you can visit our center or contact us to ask us questions.