Couples therapy as a tool to improve communication between the two

Communication problems in the couple are the main indicator that the relationship is deteriorating; in turn, if nothing is done to resolve them, they lead to more problematic situations which accumulate and are added to existing ones.

In other words, they are both a cause and a consequence of the wear and tear of coexistence and the emotional bond.

For that, a large part of couple therapy goal setting has to do with improving communication patterns between the two people who go to the psychologist’s office. Here we will see a summary of how this is done.

    Possible communication problems in a relationship

    This is a summary of the main communication problems in relationships and their characteristics.

    1. Lack of assertiveness

    Some people find it very easy to express their feelings, intentions or wills clearly and without hurting or belittling the other person’s feelings, a social skill called “assertiveness.”

    But there are those who tend to suppress their own feelings believing that expressing them can cause discomfort to the other person.; it’s one of the worst ways to deal with an argument or any type of relationship problem.

    One of the most unequivocal signs of a communication problem is to close emotionally with the other to avoid confrontation, to stop communicating his opinions, feelings or needs, and to lose confidence in sharing anything that worries us.

    Assertiveness deficits, a skill associated with being easy to leave nothing important unexplained, is a real barrier to good relationship health, as in any heated conversation or discussion one has an inability to defend one’s position.

      2. Deficits in active listening

      Active listening is another of the fundamental pillars of a well-functioning relationship, and its absence leads to situations in which at least one of the people involved in the relationship feels lonely or misunderstood.

      As much in the domain of the couple as in the domain of social relations in general, listening actively consists not only in listening to what the interlocutor is saying, but also it is based on a deep willingness to understand and a genuine interest in what the other person is raising, and letting it be known through non-verbal language while the other is speaking.

      3. Tendency to blame

      Recurring blame is another classic couple’s communication problem that can worsen the relationship.

      Recall at each opportunity problems from the past, or blame the other person for events that were experienced and in theory already overcome or the use of attacks as a defense during an argument is a very negative communication pattern and can potentially generate feelings of resentment on the part of one or both parties, discomfort, fatigue or frustration.

      4. Interpretation errors due to an optimistic or pessimistic bias

      Frequent misinterpretations of what the other is saying they are another of the most common communication problems of couples and these occur more when the couple is already going through a difficult time in the relationship, in which discussions with anger, negativity and conflict are common.

      It is in these cases that every argument or comment made by one of the members of the couple is interpreted so as to marry more with his own way of thinking than according to what we know of how the other person usually thinks. ; for example, it can come from a pessimistic bias, believing that any ambiguous comment is an accusation, or from an optimistic bias, assuming the other person agrees with what we did even though we should actually be more interested in his real opinion on this.

      What do you do in couples therapy to overcome communication problems?

      These are some of the main processes in which couples therapy is applied to resolve these communication issues during a court or wedding.

      1. Implementation of assertiveness

      insurance can be improved by participating by practicing through real-time conversations, And improving skills to “break the ice”. This is done keeping in mind the main idea to be communicated and setting times when it needs to be clearly expressed in a minimum of time, keeping in mind that there is no need to hurt emotionally. the other person for no reason.

      2. Development of active listening

      This includes both a concentration management training program and learning these social conventions of how attention should be given.

      3. Management of discussions in a constructive logic

      To avoid that whenever something is discussed, the dialogue becomes an ego struggle and an exchange of blame, we must be aware that criticizing something or complaining about an event that we did not like does not not involve fighting or seeking confrontation.

      For this, in couple therapy we work so that the two people get used more easily to collaborate in “dialogue tables” adaptable to the context of each moment, In which a series of signs indicate that the two are willing to contribute to the relationship and do their part to cope with what is happening. And it also involves practicing this way of collaborating without giving in to the urge to let anger or frustration eclipse the desire to seek the good of both in the medium and long term (which doesn’t always mean that both sacrifice the same. thing, sometimes one of the two has to yield much more and / or repair the damage done)

      4. Internalization of the other’s modes of communication

      cal know very well the style of communication that the other person tends to adapt to this our interpretation of what he says or does. It does not involve holding onto a rigid stereotype of how that person thinks, but rather is based on general attitudes, ethical values ​​important to the other and the degree to which there may be a difference between that person. that he thinks and feels what he communicates explicitly.

      Are you looking for couples therapy services?

      If you want to start a couples therapy process, contact our team of professionals. At Carolina Marín Psicologia, we have 20 years of experience in caring for people with emotional or relationship issues, and our sessions can be in person in Seville or online.

      Bibliographical references:

      Cavall, V. (1983). Social skills training and assessment manual. Madrid: 21st century. Carreño, M. (1991). Psychosocial aspects of romantic relationships. Saint-Jacques-de-Compostelle: University of Saint-Jacques-de-Compostelle. Dattilio, FM and Padesky, California (2004). Cognitive therapy with couples. Bilbao: Editorial Desclée De Brouwer.

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