Divorce in adulthood: the keys to adaptation

the maturity stage has been and continues to be studied by psychology, and although there is no rule defining exactly what maturity is in its entirety, psychology has been used as an interdisciplinary science from a wide variety of constructions in order to bring together and give a definition not only psychological but integrating what this stage of life implies.

The dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy defines maturity as that stage where vital fullness has been reached and has not yet reached old age. Theorists have come to the conclusion that maturity oscillates between 45 and 65 years and is for many the stage where the responsibilities (family or professional) gradually come to an end: those who formed a family in their youth, for example, see their children form new families. and move away from the house.

Ultimately, maturity is a transitional stage that all human beings are intended to go through. A phase in which people, in general, have achieved a large part of their professional, family, social, academic, etc. goals. Of course, this does not mean that it is free from crisis and potentially problematic phenomena.

The divorce crisis

Among the many crises and problems that usually arise at this stage, there is one that has been on the rise for 10 to 15 years: The divorce. The possibility of going through this stage generally increases at this stage of life, a phenomenon of multicausal origin and on which it is not always easy to intervene from psychology.

Interestingly, about two decades ago it was less common to think of divorce at this vital stage. Although there have been cases, it was not the alternative to choose if there were marital problems, as many people considered that it is at this stage that one can enjoy more and without so many complications in married life. It’s time to enjoy the company of your spouse in complete privacy, in short.

Social and even religious issues have taken a back seat and divorce has become so popular that it is considered the most viable option when you no longer want to live with your partner.

What can be the causes of divorce?

A divorce cannot be explained by a single cause, but some aspects influence more than others. For example, several mental health experts claim that one of the causes of divorce in the elderly or late is due to what they called empty nest syndrome, which consists of feeling of loneliness and abandonment that some parents may experience or guardians when the children stop living in the same household and / or start a family.

Experts point out that most couples focus more on raising children and less on the relationship, and when children complete their cycle within the family and parents are left alone, they discover their spouse as a whole. , with all its pleasant and unpleasant aspects that weren’t. well noticed before. If, in addition, there have been unresolved marital problems within the relationship (infidelities, conflicts in the division of labor, etc.), the syndrome becomes the fastest way to end the marriage or relationship. .

Adapt divorce to fullness

Divorce at this stage of maturity it tends to be very painfulAs the thought of reaching old age alone terrifies many people. Not having companionship, physical or emotional support can be devastating.

In this regard, for example, the British Medical Journal, published a study in the elderly, which stated that loneliness caused by widowhood, separation or divorce increases the risk of cognitive impairment later in people’s lives. This can be interpreted as an effect of the social and emotional impoverishment that some of these people may experience.

Love may come to an end, but a much more difficult task arises for us after all this stage. And it is breaking the emotional ties that have united us to this person for years, a difficult task to bear.

Can a divorce be avoided?

Every couple has their story and no exact and correct formula can be given to this problem because every couple is very different. Either way, the question “can divorce be avoided?” is in itself a sign of a problem: consider that under certain conditions, one member of the couple may be able to decide for the other person.

It’s about finding the right balance between the other person’s needs and goals, and apply self-criticism to see at what points it is oneself that favors the emergence of a conflicts. And, if the other person wants a divorce, respect their decision. Divorce becomes an ordeal when one of the two parties does not want to accept it and refuses to take a step on the side of the relationship.

What if the divorce occurs on the due date?

Yes, divorce is a very difficult stage, but the attitude that we adopt towards it will be essential not to transform this crisis into something bigger. The goal must be go through divorce peacefully and with adequate self-regulation of emotions.

When someone is going through a divorce, they always need people they trust to be in those times, people who serve as emotional support and who, because of their history of experiences and extended emotional ties to the family. person, are very good at listening and taking care of the person. go through this painful stage. Empathy plays an important role.

For that, it is good to let them know that their support is needed (If necessary) so that they can act accordingly while being informed: Some people may assume that their attempts at reconciliation and consolation may be poorly received.

However, in some cases it will sometimes be impossible to keep calm. When the situation becomes unbearable, it is best to seek professional help.

Once the divorce proceedings have been completed, it is recommended that you participate in sports if in the person’s case you can do so, or rperform an activity that breaks the routine and is enjoyable. It is also helpful to work on improving self-esteem, which may have been compromised during the divorce.

Bibliographical references:

  • Graig, GJ and Baucum, D. (1999): Psychological development. Mexico: Pearson.
  • Berger, KS (2008): Developmental psychology: adults and old age. Madrid: Pan-American Editorial.
  • Cavall, V. (2010): Therapy and behavior modification. Faculty of Psychological Sciences of the University of Guayaquil.

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