Don’t get married without knowing first

As time passes and our relationship grows stronger, we decide to keep moving forward and commit to that special someone. First of all, we should ask ourselves if we choose correctly or, rather, consciously.

Each person is a world and only they know their tastes and desires. Choosing to share life with another person is probably the most important thing we do in life. We should ask ourselves if this person does us good, if he allows and encourages us to grow and if he is someone who adds to our life. What does our heart say when we think of her? What does the head tell us?

    Aspects to consider before getting married

    And that’s what we often overlook some key issues, which, if not given the importance they deserve, can become real headaches and even ruin our relationship. In the sentimental domain we let ourselves be carried away by the emotion of what we feel and we ignore the important subjects:

    1. Finance

    We don’t like to talk about money, that’s a fact. In this sense, reviewing our beliefs about it is a way of knowing how our relationship with him is: We are often brought up in the idea that it gets dirty or causes trouble.

    It’s true that it’s not a very romantic subject, but it is important to approach it openly. How much will everyone contribute to cover expenses and rent or mortgage receipts, how will we pay for food, what will we do with the car and gas? Will we have a joint account? What will each contribute?

      2. Domestic chores

      We will agree on who or who will be responsible for carrying out each of them, as well as the frequency. It is very useful to design a weekly chart where everything is reflected and to make it visible to the whole family at home. If there are children, we will adapt them according to their age, but it is important that they participate in both the planning and the implementation, in this way they will learn to take responsibility.

      3. Place of residence and accommodation

      Have we talked about where we are going to live, do we prefer to live in the city or maybe in the city? What kind of house do we want? Once it is decided… Could we reconcile this decision with the work that we both do currently, we are considering the possibility of changing jobs or even professions in the future, if so, this possibility would it be viable?

      4. Children

      Are we OK with having kids? How many would we like to have and when?

        5. Values ​​and Ethics

        Do we really know what your values ​​are?principles govern the life of our couple, what beliefs are important to her, do we have any in common? If the values ​​don’t match… Are they compatible with ours?

        6. Life Goals

        Likewise: do we know our partner well, what motivates him, what are his dreams and goals, can he live with ours?

        7. Politics and ideology

        We don’t have to think alike, but it is essential that our positions can be consistent and that we are consistent with ourselves. Obviously, in both cases, they must be based on respect for others and not contradict our own essential values.

          8. Couples of different nationalities and/or regions

          In the case of relations between people of different nationalities and cultures, it is important to find the intermediate point, always along the path of tolerance and respect for differentby evaluating whether what our partner is defending seems acceptable to us.

          If we have children, we will have to decide which of these beliefs we are going to instill in them. Finally, if the two speak different languages, it is recommended to decide which one we will choose for the delivery of your education and which one we will use to address our children and they must be clear which one is used in each situation and moment to avoid the confusion.

          9. Sexuality

          Have we determined how the sexuality between the two of us will be, what rules will there be, what we allow, what we don’t want to do? And above all, can we talk openly about this subject? without it being a taboo subject? Sexuality occupies an important place in the couple’s relationship, since it constitutes another form of communication.

            10. Political family

            There must be clear rules in this regard to avoid conflicts, especially in the case of intrusive family members or with a very close relationship. Will we allow family home visits, under what circumstances and conditions, what limits will we impose on them? What if one of us wants to get together to eat every Sunday with his parents and brothers?

            11. Personal psychological work

            As the philosopher said: “Know thyself”.

            Are you ready for a healthy relationship, do you love each other, do you know what you want, do you respect each other, do you carry grudges and anger from previous relationships? What do you carry in your emotional backpack? We must be sincere and offer our best version in our relationships with others. This does not mean that we show ourselves in a false way, but that we try to improve the lives of our loved ones. We know that no one is perfect, so we should all be tolerant of other people’s mistakes.

            Do you know well the person with whom you are going to share your life?

            Do you know what his fears are, what worries him at the moment, at what point in his life is he, has he had difficult experiences, how has he managed them, how past his childhood and adolescence?

            Did we have deep conversations to understand each other’s emotional universe, did we spend enough time? It is common that we do not know our partner in depth or that we try to change it; you could say that these two mistakes are the most frequent ones we make.

            Relationships are complex, each brings his “emotional backpack”, they require care and dedication.

            Finally, and in the event that we are going through a couple crisis or need the advice of an expert in the matter, there are professionals specialized in couple therapy who can guide us.

            Leave a Comment