Having doubts before marriage this is a more normal phenomenon than you might think.
In this article, we’ll look at the possible causes of this psychological state of anxiety and uncertainty, and what we can do to deal with it.
Why do doubts arise before marriage?
It is true that in relationships where a marriage is planned, fidelity is paramount, but having nerves and ask yourself questions in the weeks leading up to the wedding it’s part of the need to think about anything that involves a lifestyle change.
And the implications of being someone’s husband or wife go beyond the realm of love: it actually means changing their marital status in front of the state, making longer-term plans, being seen by others as a person who devotes time to his family, and in many cases the children are under more pressure.
In short, there are different reasons why doubts can arise before getting married. Let’s see which are the most common.
1. Uncertainty about coexistence
In many cases, getting married means consolidating a lifestyle in which we live with our partner on a daily basis, for many consecutive months without interruption. this this can be problematic for some people who are used to seeing their partner more intermittently.
In this way, marriage acts as a symbolic beginning of a period in life when the other person will always be there. And that means adjusting to another vital phase, which is a challenge.
2. Social pressure for non-rupture
Doubts before marriage are also a response to the social pressure felt once you have passed through the altar; fundamentally, the environment of married people expects them not to divorce or separate.
Even though divorce is a legal possibility, it does not imply that being divorced or not is the same in the eyes of others; at best, such separation generates disappointment and sadness in others, and at worst, it also produces stigma.
That’s why a lot of people are going to get married they don’t just think about their relationship with the person they love; they also reflect on the possible impact on their family and their circle of friends of a divorce or separation.
3. Doubts about your preparation
Both future brides and future husbands often wonder if they are ready to get married, in the broad sense that has nothing to do only with everyday life with the other person. Married life is glorified to the point that it acquires an almost mystical status, as if they could only try to move on to that phase of life which they have gone through with certain experiences and reflections.
This is partly true, but it is not necessary to overstate the importance of past experience; in many ways, you learn to get married on the fly.
4. Premonitory thoughts
Because of this idealization of marriage that we have seen before, some people are afraid of it. premonitory moments that may indicate that the marital relationship has no future.
How to get married is considered a very important thing, it is very easy for many people to relate the idea of the future marriage to other events that happen to them, so they interpret seemingly insignificant situations as premonitions that getting married would be. a mistake. And this, of course, raises doubts before marriage.
5. The opportunity cost
Being married predisposes us not to be seduced by other people in a romantic or sexual sense, if we follow a traditional monogamous pattern. This makes marriage an opportunity cost; while being with that person, opportunities to meet other potential lovers or even potential husbands and wives are lost over time.
And sometimes the question that dispels this idea is, “Do I know for sure that my partner is the best thing that can happen to me?” Not having much experience with boyfriends or girlfriends predisposes to ask this question.
What to do to deal with pre-marriage doubts?
Here are some tips on what we can do to avoid letting pre-marriage doubts work against our psychological well-being.
1. Considering the time and think
This is the first and the most important step; you have to search materially situations in which to be able to think calmly: Parks and natural landscapes are particularly recommended.
2. Rank your reasons
The second tip on what to do when in doubt before marriage concerns sort ideas: What are the causes of these doubts? Do they all point to one or more addresses?
For example, it is not the same to ask questions about whether you are ready to get married, to ask if the other person is the right one. The second has a lot more depth.
3. Avoid Manichean thinking
We must avoid judging our thoughts and ideas in a very rigid morally manner; in a person, there may be partially contradictory thoughts between them, and this is normal.
4. Consider if you are doing everything by inertia
Do you really want to get married or is it because you have succumbed to pressure from others? If the second passes, it doesn’t necessarily mean the end of a relationship. Not only is it legitimate to postpone the wedding time; moreover, it is not even compulsory to get married in order to show love.
5. Ask yourself if you did anything that involved infidelity
In couples’ relationships, infidelities are signs that there are conflicts to be resolved, or a lack of commitment in the relationship that cannot be covered by more levels of apparent commitment (in this case, a wedding). Faced with infidelities, it is necessary to reformulate the relationship, and in many cases it is advisable to undergo couples therapy.
6. Let go of magical thinking
Premonitory thoughts must be categorically rejected; they are a mere illusion fueled by anxiety. Keeping this in mind is very important.
- Gu R., Huang YX, Luo YJ (2010). “Feedback Anxiety and Negativity”. Psychophysiology. 47 (5): 961-7.
- Hartley CA, Phelps EA (2012). “Anxiety and Decision Making”. Biological psychiatry. 72 (2): 113-8.