FOBU or fear of breaking up with the partner: 8 keys to understanding it

Romantic relationships can go through good times, but also bad times. In many cases, conflicts that arise can be resolved through effective communication or through the use of couples therapy, which brings many benefits as you can read in our article “How do I know when to go to couples therapy?” 5 weighty reasons ”.

But there are live dating or marriages plunged into a toxic relationship, which can cause psychological problems for its members. In such cases, and in which we are aware that it is better for each member of the couple to follow their own path separately, FOBU (fear of breaking up) or fear of breaking up with partner may appear.

    How is the fear of breaking up with the partner manifested?

    And isn’t leaving a relationship easy, as memories can flood our minds over and over again and obsession can condition us for a while. As we explain in our article “The Chemistry of Love: A Very Powerful Drug”, leaving a relationship is a grieving process, in which you leave a loved one behind and, moreover, is not a linear process, but there are ups and downs.

    Fear of breaking up can manifest itself in a number of ways, including:

    • You think your life has no future but you can’t say goodbye
    • You think your partner is the only person you can be with even though you know that doesn’t make you happy.
    • There are constant conflicts and frequent fights.
    • You think the relationship needs to end, but you can’t.
    • You feel great resentment towards your partner despite continuing with them.
    • You are an emotionally dependent person.

    Why are we afraid to break up with the couple

    The process of falling out of love is slow, and it is often difficult to take the step to leave the couple knowing that the relationship is not going in the right direction. Low self-esteem can lead an individual to stay in this relationship despite the pain, not being able to take the necessary steps to be able to change.

    But, Why are we afraid to break up with the couple? There are different types of fear that lead us to stay in a relationship when it is better to separate.

    1. Fear of uncertainty

    One of the most common fears that humans can experience is the fear of uncertainty, which often arises when we need to make important decisions or change something in our lives. Not knowing what to expect in the future can create anxiety and fear, so many people decide to stay in a relationship instead of doing what they really want to do, which is to leave the relationship. .

    • To overcome the fear of uncertainty, you can read our article: “Fear of uncertainty: 8 keys to overcome it”

    2. Fear of stepping out of your comfort zone

    A closely related fear is the fear of stepping out of the comfort zoneIn other words, to leave this mental place where we feel stable and secure. This corresponds to the expression “the most famous fool, wise to know”. Staying in the comfort zone doesn’t allow us to grow as people, and that involves breaking out of a toxic relationship when needed.

    3. Afraid of what others will say about us

    There is usually the social imposition or shared belief that in order to be happy we must have a partner and therefore get married. However, you can be happy to be single. In our article “Is it possible to be single and be happy? The 8 advantages of not having a partner” we tell you.

    There are people who are very anxious about what others will think of them when they know they don’t have a partner. Something that harms their well-being and can cause them to make bad decisions.

      4. Fear of failure

      Another of the most common fears of human beings is the fear of failure. It is characterized by the anticipation of defeat or the consequences of defeat. Feeling that we have failed is a mental trap because, in reality, failure can be a great opportunity for growth. The fear of failure can cause us to continue in a toxic relationship to avoid feeling like the losers.

        5. For the suffering

        No one likes to suffer and the lack of love is characterized by great suffering. However, this suffering allows us to learn and grow, and letting someone, in addition to the pain, can provide excellent opportunities to live a full life in the future. We all experience the fear of suffering, especially in this complicated situation.

        6. Fear of being replaced

        Rejection is one of the most difficult situations to go through because it can hurt us and affect our self-esteem.. However, it is something that can happen in life that we have to come to terms with. Just as we will find a new partner, our ex-partner will too.

        7. By mistake-

        The fear of making a mistake is the fear that arises from repentance, that is, from regret for having made a decision.. This fear is crippling, so we have to accept it as part of life. You cannot regret having done something, but not having done it.

        8. To be single

        In our article “Anuptophobia: the irrational fear of being celibate” we talk about this irrational fear which conditions the life of many people, and that it makes them go from pair to pair without allowing them to experience a period of self-reflection. The fear of being single can keep us from breaking a relationship where the only thing it causes is pain. Overcoming the fear of being single is necessary to regain well-being.

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