Today I would like to talk to you about a subject that worries my patients a lot, and which is one of the most important for human beings when it comes to being happy.
A priori, we may think that as rational beings that we are, we attach a lot of importance to the decisions that we make from a purely rational point of view. however, we are much more emotional than we think, And we move through feelings, emotions and sometimes through impulses, in most cases.
This is why sometimes it is important to sit still for a while, reflecting and analyzing the aspects of our life that we might want to change or improve. In this case, I mean relationships and the perfect formula for maintaining a serene, healthy and happy relationship over time. It can almost sound like a fairy tale, and sometimes that same over-idealization is what keeps us from truly enjoying a relationship and having expectations that are often unattainable.
How to have a serene and happy relationship
From my experience and from my point of view, a lot of couple conflicts arise because of not knowing how to deal with differences in personality, differences in values or lifestyles. Over the years, in addition, routine, passivity, lack of common projects, etc. can combine. If there comes a time when we start to think, “I want or don’t want the other person,” “I’m happy or not,” or “I’m comfortable or not,” and we start responding to all that is no is that we have a problem, and we have to face it.
Problems, as a rule, do not go away on their own, We will therefore have to make every effort to repair them. I would like to give some guidelines in case you are at this point. As in the case of patients who come to my practice with marital problems; after carefully studying each case, I like to give a series of personalized directions, as homework, and try to put them into practice little by little.
These keys are mainly based on improved attitude, empathy, proactivism and positive outlook.
1. Communication and understanding are the first step
First of all, you have to sit down, on time, in a relaxed atmosphere and in which you know that you will not be disturbed, with the phone off, and explain all your concerns to the other person: what is happening, what we are thinking, what we need, how we think we can fix it, etc. In other words, give a first glimpse of what is going on and listen to the other person to find out what they are thinking and what needs they have as well.
Once the problem is solved, a door opens through which we both have to go through looking for a path we both love. Even if the other person thinks there is no problem, you always have to think that in a relationship, you have to deal with the problem together, and try to understand the other person in order to move forward. Take responsibility for the situation and decide whether an attempt is made to remedy it or not.
2. Respect and trust
Respect and trust in the other person are essential, they are the pillars of all personal relationships, and in the case of a couple, even more. The other person should be a pillar to lean on when you need them, and vice versa.
There must be enough confidence that everyone can make a living without jealousy, without control, without mistrust. If this is lost, it is important to get it back; we need to communicate more, voice our concerns, our fears and ask the other person to do the same to clear up doubts and misunderstandings.
As a couple, you must have activities to do together, enjoy things in common and also alone as a couple. It is very important that we share hobbies, or lifestyles that allow us to enjoy the moment, The situation, the activity, and also with the person we want. If we don’t do things together anymore, we need to reflect on what we’ve done before together, and try to put it back together, or create new motivating situations for both of us. Keep writing your love story.
Sex is a fundamental element of any couple, with the exception of those who declare themselves asexual. For the rest, who are the vast majority, no need to neglect passion.
Sometimes for years, for kids, for work, for our routine, for stress, for fatigue, it seems like everything is much more important than sex, and we are wrong. In a relationship, it is a very important part, which brings together all the other points at the same time: communication, respect, trust, complicity, but also passion. Relax, share, talk, open up, give yourself the time you need, create the right atmosphere, be positive, be active, etc.
Don’t let conformism and monotony prevail, take control of your relationship and your life!
I hope I’ve helped you.