For the best or for the worst, love is something that comes unexpectedly. It doesn’t concern itself with rational reasons or calculations of what works for us from a realistic point of view. It just fell in love, like a wave of emotions, and it transforms the way we live life in days or weeks.
Nothing therefore prevents the appearance of an unrequited love, or a clearly asymmetrical love in which one part of the couple gives a lot and the other does not invest too much time, effort or affection. So many people end up asking a classic question: How do I stop loving someone who doesn’t value me? In the following lines, we will develop precisely this topic.
Characteristics of unrequited love
As we have seen, while relationships are made up (or should be made up of) two people who love each other and form an emotional bond, love can happen perfectly unilaterally. Loving someone doesn’t mean that someone loves usPainfully, as many people find out throughout their lives. But that does not mean that we must resign ourselves to passively endure the consequences of this disappointment.
It is true that we cannot directly manipulate our own emotions, but we can take various measures so that the bad time passes as quickly as possible and we can direct our attention to life projects only if they allow us to be happy.
The key therefore is not to start hating or despising who does not correspond to us, but simply to stop making it a priority to spend time or think about this person. Corresponding love keeps hurting overnight, but if we don’t nurture it by obsessing and ruminating, its psychological repercussions and relevance will die out without further delay in a matter of weeks.
How to stop wanting someone who doesn’t value you
To learn how to go your own way without obsessively worrying that someone doesn’t like you, follow these steps.
1. Avoid reminders
As much as possible, avoid exposing yourself to contexts that bring back memories related to that person. Do this in a reasonable way, because in practice it is impossible to avoid this type of stimuli. Consider the most relevant and adopt habits that don’t remind you of them.
For example, change the bar for a drink on the weekends or go for a walk to other places. In the same way, it is good that in principle you do not have contact with this personWhile that doesn’t mean you have to adopt a hostile relationship dynamic with her.
2. Take a distant perspective
In almost any situation, it is possible to adopt a distant perspective that allows us to analyze in a more calm and objective way what is going on. This is very useful when working on love issues, as it helps to dismiss the idea that the psychological pain we are feeling facing the frustration of not feeling loved describes what we are worth.
Thus, it is a way of having a more realistic and reasonable vision of oneself, which is not subject to the pessimistic biases that appear when one experiences the lack of love due to the rejection of someone who don’t value us.
After all, this person does not know us in a complete and precise way: his way of perceiving us is conditioned by the way in which we have connected with him, which in turn is a way of interacting that we did not do. . Serve with other people and it doesn’t actually have to be the same as what we do when we are alone.
3. Think about what you know about yourself and what the other person doesn’t know
Make a list of positive things you know about yourself that you think the person who doesn’t like you enough doesn’t know. The point is not to prepare a list of arguments to convince her that she loves you, of course, but a reminder that beyond the image of you which reflects the way that person relates to you. , you have many strengths that you should not forget.
4. Give yourself time
It’s important not to set unrealistic goals for how long it will take to recover emotionally. If you think that in three days everything will be fine and this does not happen, it may make you more obsessed with the problem, Make it last longer.
So it’s best not to set a temporary goal that marks a time when you feel good. Instead, set day-to-day goals that have nothing to do with feeling one way or another, but with certain actions that get you excited about other projects in the process. business or alone.