How do you know when to end a relationship?

All relationships have their ups and downs, which is healthy and normal. However, sometimes after a tense situation or a discussion, we have doubts as to whether this relationship has a future or not.

The problem is, it is not so easy to know if our partner or our marriage is in such a bad situation that it would be better to be done with it once and for all.

For this reason many people wonder how to know when to end a relationship, Since deciding to end it for something that is not really serious can be a big mistake, not deciding to end it while you are in a relationship that offers us nothing, it is not flat either.

In this article we will see clues that tell us our relationship may have already reached a point where it becomes necessary to end it.

    How do you know when to end a relationship?

    Ending a relationship is a very serious thing. This cannot be taken lightly, nor can we expect that, if we made the wrong cut, in the future the relationship will be restored as if nothing had happened. that’s why it becomes necessary to think deeply about the state of the relationship, whether to really cut or if there is an alternative that benefits both.

    Below, we’ll take a look at the questions we need to ask ourselves and the clues we can see that tell us it’s time to end the relationship.

    1. Is this the relationship I want?

    Although life is not always rosy, you have to be clear dating someone should give us some kind of emotional benefit. When we go out with someone, we have to do it because we want to, because we love to be with him or her.

    If we want anything else, if we want the relationship to take another course, or if we just don’t feel comfortable, it could be a sign that we’re not dating the right person.

    Continuing a dead relationship is something that won’t help either of you.. We have to stop thinking “if I leave her she will be in pain” or “she’s having a really bad time and I don’t want to sink her anymore”. Continuing with this will make you even more upset. It’s time to act and end immediately.

    2. What do I gain and what do I lose by continuing or breaking?

    Many times, even though we are convinced that the relationship is scary, we insist on trying to keep it alive, like someone who keeps watering more than dry plants. The plants are dead, like the relationship.

    Breaking up with a person is not a happy thing. It’s a sad event for both of us, but necessary if, in continuing the relationship, we lose our freedom and emotional well-being. The fear of what we might lose is an emotion that paralyzes us however if we think carefully about what we gain if we end the relationship, it may already motivate us to take the first step.

    3. Can the relationship be saved?

    The relationship shouldn’t be broken without first thinking deeply if you still have some sort of solution. Maybe there are communication issues or misunderstandings that have grown like a snowball and now we are facing a glacier.

    But the snow and ice are melting. Talking about issues, what has not been understood or what has been misinterpreted can trigger the process of a couple’s recovery. However, if the other person is unwilling and there is no way to treat them, a good option is to go to couples therapy because the professional can offer you guidelines and strategies to resolve your relationship.

    If none of that works, or the other just isn’t willing to talk about the issue, it will be better for both of you, especially you, to end the relationship.

      4. Is there anything that I cannot accept from my partner?

      No one is perfect and we can all change, for better or for worse. There is a lot about our partner that we don’t have to like, and we would like you to make the effort to be a better person.

      however, if we think all the time that she or he should change for usIt may indicate that we don’t like the person we are intimate with. She may also want us to change.

      Trying to make our partner a better person, or for her to try to change us, is a healthy thing, as long as she doesn’t pose with emotional blackmail or try to change something that is part of it. of her or of our personality.

      If we want this person, or if they want us, it is very healthy to accept their strengths and weaknesses., Provided that these do not harm the health of both.

      5. You are embarrassed to go out as a couple

      This indicator is very clear. If when you go out with your friends you are very ashamed that they know your partner, or that you are just not interested or happy that they know you, it means that you do not feel comfortable to go out with that person, while you’re not there. Is social pressure against this relationship maintained (for example, in religious fundamentalist families)?

      Generally, everyone is happy that their best friends know the person they’ve been intimate with for the past few months. Everybody want find out what their friends think of their new partner and how they see them dating.

      Certainly, there are people who are more shy than others, and we may not see our partner very in tune with who our friends are, but from there not wanting to present his shameful difference.

      If we are dating someone we love, we must not leave our family circle or our friends hidden like someone who buys an item of clothing and keeps it in the closet because he thinks it’s not the time.

      6. You feel that it is your partner who is ashamed of you

      Just the opposite can happen in the previous case: it is your partner who does not want to introduce you to his friends or family. While it is true that you might think that you will not feel comfortable with their friendships, another reason is to who sees you as a person who should not be introduced into societyEither because he doesn’t think of you as a serious relationship or because he is ashamed of you.

      Each person is worth their own, and the last thing they need to consent to is that someone they’re supposed to date feels like they shouldn’t be introduced to others.

      If he thinks that you don’t need to meet his friends, this can be understood as not wanting you to be part of their world. This is a very clear indication that it will be better to get out of your life, given that he gave us signs that he doesn’t want us to be in his world.

      7. You are in a manipulative relationship

      If there is manipulation, flee. Manipulation, emotional blackmail, control … all these actions are not at all healthy. These are not the appropriate dynamics for living happily as a couple.

      It is not easy to end this type of relationship, and you should never believe that being alone can be easily broken up. It is strongly recommended to trust a friend to be present, or to do so from a distance if you think there may be a violent reaction.

      8. There is no respect

      It’s okay for a couple to have some criticism, but there should never be any humiliation or over-criticism.

      If your partner says something to you that you don’t want to hear, but does it with the intention of being a better person, and says it to you out of respect, that’s fine. Instead, if you’re using sarcastic and sour comments, or just treating yourself like garbage, it is clear that the relationship is not going well and that your mental health is in danger.

      9. You alone are looking for moments of intimacy

      Intimacy, expressed in bed or on the couch with hugs, kisses, hugs and, of course, sex, is one of the pillars of any relationship. Sometimes it happens that she doesn’t want to, something that needs to be respected because it’s a two-way street, you don’t have to force someone to do what they don’t want to.

      However, you may be the only one offering moments of intimacy, while your partner always rejects them, making excuses that you don’t believe in.

      Don’t be afraid to talk about it and ask him what’s happening to him, If all is well or if something is bothering you. If there is a problem, it needs to be resolved, and if it isn’t, that relationship may be doomed.

      10. They push you to have intimate moments

      On the other hand, it might be you who don’t like it, but not necessarily always. There are times when we want sex and other times we don’t, and nobody has to force us when we don’t want to.

      If they try to force us, male or female, they are committing a serious violation of our sexual freedom, however violent it may sound. It is not no, even within the couple.

      11. Your acquaintances have warned you to date another

      While a relationship shouldn’t end because other people don’t like it, the fact that our family, friends, and even a not-so-close casual acquaintance has warned us that our relationship isn’t looking good. is an indicator to consider.

      If they have specific reasons or saw something that they think is reason enough to leave the relationship, we have to try to see if this is really the case, or if they are right and are thinking our best.

      12. You don’t see a future

      If you’re a teenager and dating someone, it’s clear that talking about a future together is a bit of a rush. At these ages, talking about getting married, having children and looking for housing is too adult a thought.

      However, if we are an adult, have had a partner for several years, it is inevitable that these thoughts will come to our mind and be discussed sooner or later. Not all couples have to get married and have children, but of course a future together is something that should have been considered.Because if not, what’s the point of continuing the relationship if you don’t think it should last?

      13. There are serious problems

      Your partner physically or verbally abuses you, puts horns on you or you put them on, gives you ultimatums that are not met, exploits you financially, separates you from your friends or family …

      All of these issues are serious and are a very clear sign that this relationship is dangerous.. In these cases, you should speak to a lawyer, the police, a therapist and relatives so that they are aware of the situation and by all means possible prevent something even worse from happening. .

      14. Too high and too low

      As we said, it is normal that in relationships there are ups and downs. There are times of great happiness and others when there are tensions, but they eventually resolve themselves.

      The problem is when the relationship is good and bad every day i.e. there are too many moments of tension which are then apparently calmed by a lot of joy. Something’s not working.

      A relationship should be a source of security and well-being, not a continuous feeling of instability. Why do we want to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend if that doesn’t give us peace or quiet?

      15. You separated them

      Many people, when they start a relationship, feel a deep love and are unable to spend time away from each other. It does eventually become less intense over time, but there is still a lot of love and desire to spend time together.

      however, sometimes it happens that the two lovers start to distance themselves without realizing it, Spending time together very occasionally, despite being in a relationship. This is an indicator that the relationship is cooling off.

      If the only thing you have in common is sharing a story, instead of spending time together or making the effort to devote an hour a day to the next, then something is wrong.

      It could be that the relationship has gone from a love affair to a friendship with rights, and while that’s not a bad thing, it does indicate that love is kinda dead. You need to speak up and see if the affection is strengthened or just become friends.

      Bibliographical references:

      • Biscotti, O. (2006). Couples therapy: a systemic view. Buenos Aires: Lumen.
      • Christensen A., Atkins DC, Baucom B., Yi J. (2010). “Marital Status and Satisfaction Five Years After a Randomized Clinical Trial Comparing Traditional Couples Behavior Therapy with Integrative Therapy.” Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 78 (2): p. 225 – 235.

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