How do your expectations influence your relationship?

Have you ever felt dissatisfied with your relationship? is possible whether it’s because you have different expectations about your relationship.

In this article, we’ll explore precisely that topic: How our relationship expectations cause us to experience the relationship in a certain way, for better or for worse.

    Expectations in the relationship

    From childhood we form concepts in our minds about how the world works, about the way things around us and of course about how a couple “should be”. For example, there are many people who believe that man should be the one who takes the initiative, who conquers, etc.

    In fact, a large number of studies point out that the central aspect of relationships is not the characteristics of our partner or the present moment that we are living with her, but the idealized perception and expectations we have about our relationship (García Figueroa, 2005).

    According to Galindo (2002), couple expectations are one of the factors influencing the choice of one partner or another. And these expectations they work as a conflict trigger and even lead couples to divorce. Why is this happening?

    It seems that we perceive reality influenced by our wants and needs, Assign attributes that help us save these life obstacles. The risk of basing a relationship on meeting our expectations is dangerous, because we can find our expectations unfulfilled and as a gift, romantic failure. Isn’t that thinking twice?

    Worst of all, this is something people don’t know and don’t even take into account when they start their relationship. In other words, there are a lot of couples who come together for the attraction of a first moment, and this is how, without saying anything about what they expect from each other, the relationship begins. These two people will not realize their different expectations until a conflict arises. A conflict why? For nothing.

      The spark that ignites the conflict

      If one of the members starts to see that their partner isn’t behaving like a boyfriend or girlfriend should be acting, this will already be a topic of discussion. The more different the expectations and concepts of what a relationship should be, the worse the worse; the greater the misunderstandings. People become disillusioned or more satisfied with their relationship to the extent that their expectations are met.

      The Journal of Family Psychology published a study by Sivan George-Levi in ​​which the expectations of couples were compared to the satisfaction they showed. The results showed that people who expected too much from their relationships were constantly dissatisfied.

      How does it hurt to have too high expectations?

      Expectations of what a couple should look like form very early on, from what we’ve been told, seen around us or even in the movies. Expectations that are too high about how the other’s behavior should be can, of course, lead to the person does not meet our requirements. This will inevitably lead to a conflict in the couple, so it’s worth checking out if what we’re asking for is actually realistic.

      How does it hurt you to have low expectations?

      If this is your case, be careful. Having low expectations can lead you not to demand anything from your partner. You keep saying “okay, this is what it is” and you end up settling for a little when you could have a lot more. Don’t fall into this trap. Also, if you don’t demand you might not get it and believe it’s because life or your partner is like that. Don’t settle for less.

        How does it hurt you not to have expectations?

        Without expectations, you don’t know what you want. And if you don’t know what you want … how are you going to go about it? How are you going to tell your partner which things make you feel bad or which don’t? Just because you don’t realize that you don’t have expectations. Until one person has a sporadic relationship and says they have no expectations with the other person, they have them; in this case, the idea of ​​having a good time and leaving. What do you expect from the other person? Nothing. A “no compromise”. Let the other person not behave like a couple you are having an engagement with. And that’s an expectation. Have you ever thought about this?

        The need to find emotional balance

        If you notice that you and your partner have different expectations about your relationship, it may be time to address the issue directly. Exposing your opinions will help you to be clear about what you can expect from the other, as well as not to be frustrated when your wishes are not met, and to understand your partner’s behaviors and attitudes.

        Bibliographical references:

        • Galindo Leal, H. (2002). Unmet prenuptial expectations and their relation to marital failure (master’s thesis). Autonomous University of Nuevo León, Monterrey (Mexico).
        • Garcia Figueroa, A. V; Sánchez Aragó, R. (2005). Expectations: building an ideal? In II Meeting participation of the woman in science. Conference held on the occasion of the 25th anniversary of UNAM, Mexico.
        • Sánchez Aragó, Rozzana; (2009). Expectations, perception and maintenance strategies in romantic relationships. Teaching and research in psychology, July-December, 229-243.

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