How to Create Realistic Commitments in Relationships

Commitment is a concept that refers to an aspect that can become very complicated to achieve. To commit is to strive, to persevere and strive to do, maintain, heal or achieve what is agreed either with oneself or with others.

Many people are afraid and avoid compromising. Some only get involved when they really are going to. Others commit to different things over and over again and people knowing that they will never comply and others in the face of adversity will back down.

There are many things that we can engage in, but one of the aspects most often associated with this concept is probably that of emotional and couple relationships. That is why in this article we will talk about how to establish healthy commitments in relationships.

    Contextualize the concept of romantic engagement

    Commit to something or someone, have and maintain their word and loyalty in the face of a contracted obligation. Within the framework of a couple, one understands like commitment the will and the permanence in the situation and in the relation, to maintain the relation in a solid way until the end despite the difficulties which may arise.

    Commitment is taking responsibility in the maintenance, care and development of the relationship, the development of a common project of which the two members want to be part. Now, for it to be that way, you have to see it as something positive and desirable, not an imposition or something heavy. The existence of mutual interest and the permanence of the relationship are necessary. It also requires a similar assessment of what is expected of the relationship and an acceptance of what both members of the couple want.

    It should be borne in mind that communication is a key element for there to be engagement with the couple: each person is a world and both members need to communicate their expectations in this regard. The idea of ​​fidelity is one of these aspects, as well as the will to have or not to have children, the distribution of roles and tasks or priorities.

    Commitment is therefore a key element in the relationship. The absence of it on the part of one or both members of the couple can lead to the failure of the relationship, Generate great suffering to both members (in particular the part that is involved) or even not form as such beyond an adventure.

    Sternberg love triangle

    The idea of ​​engagement is something that has been considered in romantic relationships for centuries and has been included in various theories regarding romantic attraction and couple formation. One of the best-known theories today is Sternberg’s proposition.

    For this author, there are many different types of love, which depend on the interplay between three key elements: passion, intimacy and commitment.

    Passion refers to the most instinctive and emotional quality, Desire and need, the energetic, romantic and sexual part of the relationship. Intimacy would refer to the most sentimental and supportive part, the desire to protect and love the other person and to open up and receive oneself. Finally, engagement would refer to what we discussed a few moments ago: the willingness to bet, keep and stay in the relationship regardless of the difficulties.

    Uncompromising love could be a mere whim (if it is based solely on passion) or affection (if the basis is intimacy). It is possible to find that romantic love is a situation with a relative lack of commitment, and there is passion and intimacy. If there is intimacy and commitment, we would be faced with sociable love (Perhaps closer to friendship), without passion and with little desire.

    If there is little intimacy but passion and commitment, we would find a fateful love. Finally, if there is only commitment but there is no longer passion and intimacy, we would be faced with an empty love (a commitment, in this case, rather experienced as an imposition) . The ideal of love would be consummate love, in which the three previous elements would be balanced. However, this is the most difficult to achieve.

    But that at some point there is a particular kind of love doesn’t mean it can’t change with time. Passion, intimacy and commitment can come and go and disappear, train and develop.

      How to Create Healthy, Realistic Commitments in Relationships

      Creating and maintaining a commitment in a relationship can be more difficult than it looks. In order to try to generate and maintain it, it is advisable to take into account the importance of the following aspects.

      1. Communication

      As we said earlier, one of the keys to compromise is the fact that they both express what they want from their relationship, what they are willing to do, and how far they will go. are ready to commit. It is not a question of setting fixed limits, but of explain clearly what can be expected of each other and whether there is a willingness to get involved and maintain the relationship. Communication also allows one to negotiate relevant issues and questions and not to take root and not to be in tune with the couple.

        2. Honesty

        Along with the previous point, honesty is another of the essentials to have and maintain a bond of commitment. We need to be able to express ourselves authentically and unpretentious, in such a way that we can indicate what we want, what we are looking for and what fills us.

        3. Do things together

        One essential thing to generate a bond in which there is commitment is to have a common project, elements that unite you. Spending no more time together doesn’t have to generate engagement, however. take the time to discover yourself and the things we love about our partner strengthen the relationship and the determination to keep it.

        4. Beware of unrealistic expectations

        One possible problem that can hamper the existence of a stable commitment is maintaining unrealistic expectations of the other person or relationship. We must keep in mind that in relationships there are also potholes and hard times, And that is not the reason why the engagement must be broken. Likewise, thinking that the other person has too high expectations of us or demands too much of us can also end up weakening commitment.

        The solution is, as in all cases, to communicate effectively and smoothly. It is also possible to work on the beliefs and expectations in question.

        Have your own space

        While it is necessary to be together and communicate, it is not healthy to generate a suffocating and overwhelming bond in which everything has to be done together. Everyone should have their own space and their own time. The opposite can weaken engagement through excessive pressure.

        Eliminate your fears

        One of the things that makes it difficult to maintain a commitment is being afraid of what it means. Dealing with this fear may require overcoming traumatic personal situations (for example, previous breakups or infidelities that make it difficult to want to trust another person). It is also possible that there is a lack of commitment for fear of losing freedom, a fear that also needs to be discussed and addressed.

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