Relationships, if mismanaged, can become completely absorbed. This, which is already problematic if there is affection and love within the couple, is even more complicated if, it’s a toxic relationship in which the negativity of the other person is part of our life, as if it is contagious and doesn’t let us enjoy anything.
In cases where our partner’s bitterness threatens to settle permanently in our heads, it is normal to think about ending the relationship. However … How do you cut so that the damage is minimal? Going from talk to deed is not easy, especially if we have become accustomed to the habits associated with living with this person.
Below we will look at some guidelines to better understand how to go through this process with a constructive philosophy.
What to do to cut a toxic relationship
As you go through that point of no return where our decision to end the relationship is communicated to the other person, help yourself with these guidelines:
1. Think about the nature of the toxic relationship
There are toxic relationships in which our dignity is violated, and others in which we simply suffer the collateral damage of the suffering and negativity of the couple, who at no time attack us, humiliate us or threaten us. Keeping this in mind is very important as it totally depends on how we deal with the breakup. If the first case occurs, unilateralism must be very marked and you should be able to start behaving like one person from the moment you decide to cut, literally.
In case the other person has never had bad intentions, however, it is advisable to go through a brief intermediate phase of mutual support and communication, As we see it.
2. The decisive moment to cut
To know how to communicate your decision, set a specific day and time, and make sure you’re seated at the right time, with nothing to do in another room or location. It is good that you prepare a little semi-script that instead of containing what you have to say literally, you just have a few short sentences that refer to the structure of the content you want to convey (sentences that make sense to you and that you won’t say as they are).
When it comes to saying this, don’t focus on one particular point, just focus on what you’re saying and nothing else. If you are feeling a lot of nerves, imagine rehearsing and everything is a script. The important thing is not to make the moment dramatic, nor to make it one of the most meaningful moments in your life (even if it’s for the worse) to worry about every detail – that would make you nervous. and lost. The priority is to communicate what you want to say well, and not to give rise to ambiguities.
3. The support
After you communicate your decision, you can offer support to the other person, but always make it clear that you have no reason to change your mind.
It is good to stay in a certain state of alert before complaints that could be interpreted as attempts at emotional blackmailSomething that other people can use even half-unconsciously because of the pain they feel and the hopelessness they experience. It’s a phase that nobody likes, but you have to go through it.
However, if there has been abuse in the relationship, don’t give yourself the chance to be manipulated. It’s easy for the vulnerable situations you’ve been through before to subconsciously place yourself in a role of obedience.
4. Offer help
In the case where the toxic relationship has been of the “benevolent” type and not abusive, it is good to leave the ex-partner some clues as to where he can find help. However, it should be clarified that you dissociate yourself from responsibilities in this regard, among others, because otherwise you could nurture a relationship based on addiction. The other needs to gain autonomy and learn to live in a more positive way, but without you.
5. Stop having contact
From there, technically and in practice, you have already cut, so what needs to be done is, precisely, to act on it. It is strongly recommended that you stop contacting your ex-partner for at least several months. Otherwise, it is very easy to find yourself in a situation of emotional blackmail that traps you side by side and again in a vicious cycle.
If necessary, force yourself to do things you don’t want to do to keep your head busy and above all socialize, either with new people or with old friends. The point is to remember what life was like before you were in the previous relationship.