Breaks in love are experiences that we all go through or have probably all had. These are also experiences that can cause a lot of discomfort, at least for some of the parties involved. How can we overcome this discomfort?
Although this is a complex question, as it largely depends on the emotional resources of each person and the history of each couple, in this article we will look at a few. useful strategies for dealing with and overcoming a breakup.
Why are romantic breaks difficult?
It is normal that when it comes time to close a cycle, for example, when we have to say goodbye to something or someone, we experience a lot of unpleasant sensations. Sadness, anguish, fear, anxiety, anger are among the most common. These mostly occur when the cycle has been closed by someone else, that is, when we have to come to terms with a decision that we do not agree with at all.
Although, as we said, this experience is quite common, what is also common is not knowing how to deal with it. This is normal, as we are usually used to avoiding negative feelings and circumstances that bother us. However, believing that we can avoid them altogether results in we hardly learn to tolerate these circumstances and the emotions that accompany them.
If we also take into account the fact that we are frequently socialized under the logic of romantic love, where the idea that love suffers prevails; the process of breaking up is complicated. Likewise, and as a rupture, it is a process which involves an experience of mourning, where one often passes through the stage of refusing closure, to the stage of anger and the search for the culprits, for finally accept it. But, How can we move more easily from denial to acceptance?
8 keys to dealing with and overcoming a breakup
Fortunately, there are several things we can do, even though the weather is already tough. Some of these things may be right for some people, not others. In other words, they don’t work the same for everyone; it’s about testing them and finding solace in our own processes.
With that said, below are 7 keys that can be helpful in dealing with and overcoming a breakup.
1. Find your support network
Both in the case of a romantic break-up and in any grieving process, it is very important to have a support network, that is to say people who accompany and listen to our difficult times and help us to compensate for the feeling of loss or loneliness. They can be family or friends and these are usually people who also accompanied the process of falling in love, Although not necessarily.
It often happens that when we fall in love with romantic love, we drift away from our support networks, so sometimes it is difficult to seek them out again after the relationship is over. It’s complicated because it is, among other things, to assume our vulnerability and also to accept if we are wrong. However, returning to family and friends can be an important step in getting through the grieving process more easily.
2. Make meaningful changes
It is also common that when we are in a relationship we accumulate objects, gifts, photos, souvenirs, Between a series of material elements that symbolize the relationship and the emotional bond. As these are objects that mean important things to us, they are also things that can prolong the process of denial and anger, and therefore prevent us from reaching the process of acceptance.
It is therefore important to take time with these objects. This distance can result in elimination, but it can also result in travel or saving an instant. Keep in mind that getting rid of it will cause some unpleasant sensations, so it’s best to do it slowly. That is, get rid of one thing at a time, or start by moving them out of their place, then save them, and finally throw them away; or not, depending on how we feel about our process.
3. Create new habits
Related to the above, it is common for us in a relationship to create new hobbies, tastes, and even new interests. Getting rid of all this is difficult because these are activities that we internalize and that we put into practice on a daily basis. Detachment then involves significant changes, which certainly cannot happen overnight. It’s important not to stop staying active and looking for new things to do, even if the couple’s cycle is over.
4. Recover your old hobbies
We don’t necessarily have to create new habits. It also works to get back to the habits we had before we were in the relationship. Whether or not it works depends a lot on how long the relationship has been and how much we’ve changed over the course of it.
However, it can be a good exercise to think about and try to remember activities that we enjoyed before starting the relationship, as well as trying to get closer to those activities. In other words, that is to say explore a little and see what we can enjoy again and what not.
5. Respect decisions
While we are in the process of denial and transitioning to acceptance, it is common for us to try and do what is necessary to “get” the relationship back. This usually happens especially if it was not us who made the decision. Therefore, we often insist on allowing the other person to “fall in love again”, Or in other words, we easily fall into the logic of the “fight for love”.
Here it is important not to confuse “recovering” or “falling in love” with “harassing”. Nor to confuse “love” with “possession”, “pressure” or “obligation”. Although the grieving process can be very difficult to come to terms with, it is important to respect the closures and the decisions that have been made.
6. Practice Frustration Tolerance
It must be assumed that relationships and emotional bonds carry the risk of feeling bad. We cannot blame others for this discomfort, it is common that while we are in the process of accepting in order for the cycle, we seek the responsibility of the other person, both for being done and for make us suffer or alleviate this suffering. To be able to achieve acceptance we have to take responsibility for our own discomfort and try to look for alternatives and tools beyond the person we have shared a relationship with.
7. Write down what you are feeling
A little more specific that may work for some people to close their process is to write a text that they had to quit. since it is often difficult to say what it feels likeBut not because it’s hard to stop hearing it, one possible measure to break away is to write it down. This can take the form of a farewell letter, which may or may not be delivered to the other person, or simply text that allows us to express emotions that we sometimes don’t recognize if we just think about them or if we’re just trying to talk.
8. Take your time
It is important to remember that treating a loss or end of cycle takes time. For the same reason, there is no need to lobby to overcome these changes overnight. Some people can take a day and others can take a lot longer.
Many times this process is prolonged and becomes more stormy when we have the idea that we have already passed several days and are still in the same situation. This does not mean that we do not take responsibility for ourselves, but it does mean that when we have had such a significant experience, it is normal for it to take up a significant amount of time for us. learn to see this experience in a different way.