Relationships Can Be A Wonderful Thing, But They Aren’t Easy. And it is that they require a high level of mutual interest, commitment, flexibility, intimacy, communication and ability to negotiate between many other factors, not counting on the peculiarities of each of its components , the context and the relationship itself. Among the latter, we can find relationships in which its members must remain separated for a long time, either because they live over long distances, or for various reasons forcing one of the components to move elsewhere.
Maintaining a healthy and healthy relationship under these circumstances is a big challenge and requires a lot of effort on both sides, and sometimes it can not go well and cause suffering for one or two members of the couple, which can lead to this. that is the case. necessary to end a relationship. And that’s something to talk about, but …how to end a long-distance relationship that generates as little damage as possible on both sides? Throughout this article we will try to think about this question.
How to end a long distance relationship: different aspects to consider
When it comes to breaking up with someone, whether it’s a long-distance relationship or not, there are many things to consider. How, when, where, how will you react …
In this case, we are going to have different stages or aspects to be valued at the end of a long-distance relationship. Of course, keep in mind that we are talking about a generic break, and many of these things may vary depending on each case.
1. Make sure this is what you want
The first step in ending a long distance relationship is first and foremost to make sure that is what we really want. A long distance relationship is very complicated to achieve, but it is also possible that despite the difficulties it will be worth it.
It is also possible that we are facing a crisis or that we think things are moved by pain or anger. It wouldn’t hurt talk to our partner about how we feel and try to make sure that what is happening to us is not just a problem of lack of communication. It is necessary to assess the pros and cons of the relationship and the existence or non-existence of certain feelings in a cold way and with the maximum possible objectivity.
2. Talk to someone
Doubts about what to do and how to do it are very common when ending a relationship. Although we shouldn’t let our decision be influenced by what others think is desirable talk to someone about the topic to express themselves and get other points of view, Especially if it is someone who does not try to impose his opinion and value our points of view.
3. Make the decision
Once the pros and cons have been assessed, it is time to make a decision. Doing the pre-assessment is indicative and can help us, but the truth is that in many cases the decision is already made in advance. This does not mean that the previous step is unnecessary, As this can allow us to try to objectify the situation.
4. Don’t make him do it for you
In novels, books, movies or even in real life, we have seen how often people who want to leave their relationship start to maintain behaviors that gradually they deteriorate and destroy the relationship in order to get the other person to decide to leave.
This is often seen as a way to not stay like “the bad guy” or even as a way to make the other person suffer less after you are done. However, in the end, the only thing that does this type of manipulation is to generate suffering that can last a long time, and even despite this the other person does not end the relationship.
If we are the ones who want to leave the relationship, the more we value speaking directly to the person and taking on our own choices and responsibilities. Although it does not appear to be the case, it will cause less emotional pain and it is possible that the end of the relationship can be experienced in a more positive way.
5. Plan the situation
You can’t predict everything that can happen, but breaking up with someone is a delicate situation that cannot be left to simple improvisation. It is advisable to take into account the time and place, how to take the break and the specific themes to use. I don’t want to memorize a speech, but to think about in advance what you want to talk about.
6. Introduce the subject gently
Ending a relationship is a crucial and painful moment for both members of a couple. It is not advisable to drop it at gunpoint, but it may be helpful to introduce the subject gradually. For example, it may be mentioned to the other that we need to talk about an important topic. It is about preparing the ground.
Chances are the other person can imagine what it is, but while it may seem a bit painful at first, it’s better than to let it go all of a sudden. After that we can present that the relationship was important to us but that keeping it at bay has become unbearable.
7. talk in person
As we face the end of a long distance relationship, breaking up is worth it if the conversation can be face to face. Of course, it’s easier to leave it for a conversation or in writing, but the other person may feel the moment cold and see it as undervalued. In addition, face-to-face contact facilitates better expression and understanding of the situation and allows smoother and clearer communication. If possible, it would be desirable to do this in person.
In case this is completely impossible, a video call might be the second most recommended option. After that it would be the live phone conversation. You should avoid leaving text messages or leaving a message on the answering machine, because they do not give the possibility of answering.
8. The breakup, in private
It is important that the conversation takes place in a place where you can both be comfortable, without anyone interrupting and in such a way that the person left behind is neither ridiculed nor embarrassed. It also doesn’t have to be done at home – we can take the person to a place where breaking up shouldn’t be an embarrassing act for them.
It is not appropriate to do this in public or in the middle of a social gathering. The only exception would be if a violent reaction is expected.
9. Stay calm and be clear about what you want.
The conversation can get quite tense and painful for both parties. It would not be uncommon for the other person to react with sadness, doubt, worry, or even some helplessness or even anger and outrage. However, we must remain calm and adopt an empathetic attitude. be clear and firm with our goals if what we really want is to leave the relationship.
10. Don’t blame yourself
A surprisingly common mistake in any breakup, and especially one where there’s distance in the middle, is blaming the other for the situation the breakup created. The fact that little by little there is more distance, that you speak less or that you feel alone is something that is not the fault of anyone in particular, or rather that both parties are partly responsible for not know how to communicate correctly.
Attributing it to the other is a way of self-justification and of not being confronted with one’s own decision. The exception can be found in situations where the other person has committed a betrayal of the relationship you had, such as infidelity.
11. Let him express his point of view
Relationships are a matter of two. Although you have made the decision to end to the relationship, it would not be fair to disappear. The other has been part of your life, a part that we must value and recognize for what it is and to which we must give due importance. The other person you should have the opportunity to express what you think and give his opinion on the matter, although he may disagree with ours. It makes it easier for them, even if the relationship ends, not to do so with deep resentment or a sense of undervaluation.
12. Walk away
Perhaps the most difficult step of all. Once we’re broken it is normal that doubts arise initially about how the other person will be or whether we are starting to find some positive missing aspects of the relationship. For example, WhatsApp conversations or the hello and good night message you probably sent.
You probably also want that even if the relationship is over, that person will continue to be a part of your life and even have a friendly relationship with them. It is even possible that in some cases the possibility of keeping a door open to return in the future may be considered.
However, it is not healthy to continue to have the same level of contact as before. until the mourning stage is over. This will cause pain to the person who was left behind and possible confusion as to your intentions (do you want to come back ?, hurt me ?, should i wait ?, etc.).
In fact, it is advisable to distance yourself, so that you too now ex-partner and can adjust to the fact that you are no longer a partner, start over your life and see the other again as a person with who may (or may not) maintain cordial contact. It’s not about never speaking again (unless you want to), but giving yourself time to wrap up the process of overcoming the breakup.