How to fight separation anxiety: 3 keys

It is a reality that divorces and breakups are more and more common. While a few decades ago social pressure and the claim that romantic relationships lasted indefinitely made the idea of ​​separation unappealing, today the costs associated with separating are much lower and the benefits. increase.

And it is that with the liberalization of emotional ties new options come when it comes to facing the future individually and unilaterally, but this fact is not without its problems. Anxiety caused by separation is one of them. After all, as much of a relationship ending is becoming less and less rare, in most cases it is still an anxious and unpleasant experience, sometimes even traumatic.

Now … how do you deal with all those negative feelings when a commonly constructed story fades away? Let’s see some keys that help to manage emotions well in these cases.

    How to deal with separation anxiety: the other side of the breakup

    Where there has been an honestly felt relationship that ends, you get an emotional beat. The rupture is accompanied by a real paradigm shift both physically and psychologically. For example, when we have an experience like this, it changes the way we perceive ourselves, but it also changes our routines, including the physical places we tend to travel to.

    Now the fact that almost certainly separation will affect us emotionally it does not mean that we have to resign ourselves to suffering in any way, giving up the ability to regulate these emotions in the most appropriate way possible. Here are some tips and thoughts that can be helpful in tackling break-up anxiety.

    1. Mentalize: there is no half orange

    Much of the suffering caused by separation is simply due to the fact that, for cultural reasons, we still have very high expectations about relationships that should be based on romantic love.

    The idea that the members of the couple are predestined to meet and that when united they form a kind of inseparable unity that comes from the magical thinking traditionally linked to religion and, although in some contexts it can be useful (times and places where not to have a strongly united family which brought stability could mean death) it has lost all meaning in much of the world.

    That’s why it’s good to think that as long as it lasts, it’s very important to us, the universe doesn’t revolve around a relationship that is over. So the world still has meaning even if that person is no longer with us.

      2. No one is essential to be happy

      Do you know the error of the principle request? This is an error in reasoning that a conclusion is drawn from premises on which the conclusion is already implied. For example: the mind and the body are part of the human being, therefore the mind and the body are two different things.

      When relationship breakups occur, people who go through the grieving process caused by the absence of the other tend to fall for a false begging of the tongue, albeit this time directed at emotions.

      This reasoning is generally the following: this person who gave me happiness is gone, So I can no longer be happy. Seen superficially, this reasoning seems to make sense, but if we examine it a little more deeply, we realize that in the premise something very questionable is taken for granted: that happiness was given by this person, as if he were a source of vitality.

      The error succeeds in believing such categorical statements based on the emotions and sensations inherent in a stage of emotional instability like breaking up. Right now our perception of things is so altered that it makes us unable to believe that the truth about our lives has been revealed after years of hiding in the shadows. Belief in this class of catastrophic thoughts it causes a lot of anguish, but we should not let these ideas overwhelm us.

      3. Move differently

      With the break comes change, that’s undeniable. You can’t separate from your partner and act like everything stays the same. More than anything, because in these circumstances, as we will not have the possibility of continuing to carry on with our life as we have done, in practice, what we will do is not act at all. Adopt a totally passive attitude, do nothing and that sadness, anxiety and intrusive thoughts corrode us.

      Therefore, it is necessary to be consistent with the situation and change the habits. Embracing change involves finding new hobbies, meeting other people, and moving around. The change in routine will make it more difficult to fall back into this vicious cycle of obsessive thoughts typical of rumination.

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