In the practice of psychology, it is very common to receive inquiries because of this cause: breakups, separations, divorces and lack of love.
And it is that the break-ups of the couple are more and more frequent. According to data from the General Judicial Council (CGPJ), separations, divorces and cancellations increased in Spain by 5.7% over a period of one year (after the 2020 confinement).
How to face the suffering of ruptures and overcome them?
The first is to be aware that we live a duel. We have lost an important person in our life, a person with whom we were emotionally attached, a person with whom we shared not only experiences but also illusions.
The disengagement will be painful and we must do our part to prevent the duel from becoming chronic, leaving after-effects that could interfere in the future. In this regard, I bring you 5 keys to successfully overcome a breakup.
1. End hope and self-deception
It’s common for people who go through a breakup to cling to the idea that everything will be back to normal, if it’s how it used to be. They look for a solution, a way to get back with this person. They often focus on the details that tell them there is such a possibility.
However, they forget to focus on those who end the relationship.
Focus on the evidence that the breakup is a fact, helps us keep moving forward in our grieving process and not get bogged down in the hope that it will prolong our suffering.
2. Start the zero contact
There is a strong intrigue in wanting to know all the details of the breakup, the ex-partner, the new life, and how he feels. We must fight against this intrigue, because continuing to receive information about his ex-partner makes it impossible to break up and increases the level of suffering.
Zero contact is not just about not talking. It consists in knowing nothing of your life. Stop looking at your profile on social networks, stop constantly talking about your ex-partner, stop receiving information about what you are doing or feeling, etc.
Blocking the RRSS is often necessary to avoid viewing photos or information that may interfere with contact 0, or even to ask mutual friends (confidently) to stop informing you about them.
3. Avoid prohibited acts
There are many acts that will be totally prohibited during your grieving process. if you want to overcome your breakup successfully and without consequences. Between them:
- Listen to sad music or with love / unloving lyrics.
- Watch romantic movies or series.
- See photos of the ex-partner, alone or with you.
- Do not (isolate yourself from society and give up your hobbies).
- Keep in touch with your ex-partner or very close people.
4. Foster relationships with healthy people
Scan personal relationships. Think about all the people you have in your life and rate their qualities as well as your relationship and friendship with them. We are social beings and we have more and more people with whom we interact. However, not all of them can be categorized as healthy and safe relationships, and it doesn’t matter, as these other relationships also contribute and help us grow as we learn from them.
At a time as difficult as a breakup, it is important to strengthen these relationships with healthy and safe people. People who don’t feed your hope, your anger, your thirst for revenge. People who tell you what you refuse to hear. Because these people are the ones who really love you.
5. It works on you and your self-esteem
It’s time to dump her and move on. Your mind received a message that came to believe that “you are no longer of value”. But this message is not true, it is totally distorted by the breakup.
Just because someone decides to go on with their life without you doesn’t mean you have ceased to be important to them.. You’ve been for quite some time, and while you’re still the same person, your paths have separated, without further ado. It is difficult to make yourself understood, but you are still such a precious person and you have people around you who love you and yearn to see you again happy.
Work on yourself, your personal care, treat yourself to experiences, moments, conversations… You can for example go to a SPA, integrate a skin care routine, practice a new sport or take a trip.
This article does not replace a psychological consultation which can be adapted to your particular case. Go to a psychological consultation it is also an act of self-care that will help you understand what is happening to you and guide you in building your new life.