How to overcome dependency in couple relationships?

Have you ever exceeded all your limits to retain someone? Have you done things you never imagined? Have you left everything aside, friends, work, hobbies, to maintain a relationship as a couple?

If your answer to these questions is yes, you may be an emotionally dependent person.

Emotional dependence is a type of behavioral addiction that consists of a series of addictive behaviors that occur within a relationship.

Although this behavior can occur in any link, when it’s given in a romantic relationship it can end up wreaking a lot of havoc.

    The characteristics of the dependent link

    Below I will describe the main characteristics of a dependent link; it will serve as a guide to find out if you are in a relationship marked by emotional dependence.

    • Inability to cut a relationship at times when we all should cut it. For example: destruction, violence, etc.
    • Excessive fear of abandonment.
    • Feeling of emptiness, when the other person leaves (even if it’s 2 hours to do an activity)
    • Excessive need for the approval of others.
    • Tendency to idealize the partner in an exaggerated way.
    • Feeling of inferiority.
    • low self-esteem

    • The person is totally obsessed with the relationship.
    • Tendency to control others.
    • Tendency to excessively please the partner.
    • Tendency to socially isolate.

    So far I have defined what we are talking about when we talk about emotional dependence and I have given the main characteristics of dependent people.

    Ahora well, the good news is that Emotional dependence does not set in once and for allbut it can be overcome.

      But… How can we overcome it?

      There are different things we can do to overcome itFor example:

      • Understand that it is an emotional addiction, when someone does not know something, it is foreign to him, he will suffer, but he will not understand what is happening to him. At this stage, access to information is very important.
      • Accept that we are dependent. Like any addiction, treatment begins with recognizing and accepting it.
      • Reconciliation with loneliness. Face the fear of losing your partner
      • Become a little more selfish, put yourself first, be less complacent
      • Progressive exposure to loss. Through activities that are fun for us, we begin to spend time away from our partner. This will generate a desensitization to the small losses that the dependent person suffers each time his partner is not physically at his side.
      • Work on self-esteem, with actions like, be kind to yourself, do enjoyable activities, don’t compare yourself, set goals, learn to say no, embrace the good that happens to you, etc.
      • Expose yourself to new things. It sounds simple, but it is a difficult task if you find yourself in an emotionally dependent situation, because you will have to go through your own fears in order to do this.
      • Autonomy, it is very important to work independently and to be in a relationship by choice and not by necessity.
      • Developing our consciousness, getting in touch with nature, pursuing our values.


        Finally, to clarify that emotional dependence usually happens over time, i.e. it doesn’t happen overnight. Therefore, overcoming it will not be a short process, nor an easy process; on the contrary, we will have to dare to go through our fears and expose ourselves to situations that will be mobilizing for us, which is why it is very important to have the support of family and friends and, if necessary, to seek professional help.

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